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I find that almost everything I say to my kid (18) annoys him so I never know what to say or how to have a normal conversation with him anymore, especially when I am alone in the car with him. You know...that deadly silence with your mind racing trying to think of something you can talk about that won't get the usual reaction like, "just stop" or "I don't want to talk about this" and my personal favorite, "yea, no, I don't know". Anyone have anything to add?
I find that almost everything I say to my kid (18) annoys him so I never know what to say or how to have a normal conversation with him anymore, especially when I am alone in the car with him. You know...that deadly silence with your mind racing trying to think of something you can talk about that won't get the usual reaction like, "just stop" or "I don't want to talk about this" and my personal favorite, "yea, no, I don't know". Anyone have anything to add?
Yeah, no, I dunno.
(sorry - couldnt resist. )
I don't have any advice for you, I remember many heavy silences in the car when I was his age (a bit younger, actually). He'll likely grow out of it. Somebody else with teens probably has some good ideas. Good luck.
My 17 yo is like that. Heaven forbid if I ask him about his day. But he's always kind of been like that. Not social at all. My 13 yo will talk my ear off though. I don't know if it's just because he is only 13 or if he just likes to talk. I guess I'll find out in a few years.
My son is only 10. But I remember telling him a couple of years ago... He said something like I was the smartest person he ever knew. I said, just wait when you hit about 15, I am going to become really stupid. And I won't get smart again until you are about 25. He asked me, what will happen to you??!!? Nothing, I said, it will happen to you!
He is so solemn with us but as soon as he is with his friends....showtime! My husband and I like to joke around and my son has inherited our wonderful sense of humor, lol but now he is so serious in our company. Afraid to joke about anything these days. So uncomfortable too. Feels like being with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I hate to say this but when my son was gone for a week this summer with another family, we experienced peace for the first time in years. No worries, no walking on eggshells and we got along so much better and laughed more too.
I try to wait to let him talk when he wants to bring something up. Most times it is complete silence, even when we take him out to eat. He has his cell to talk to. I don't even like to go out to eat with him anymore. It feels more like eating with a mooch than someone I love.
My teens are 19, 18 and 16. I can't shut the 19 or 16 YO up. The 18 YO is quieter by natures but not unfriendly.
My 19 YO is so talkative that I used to joke with her and ask her of she was ever going to get to the sullen teenager part so I could have a break
My teens are 19, 18 and 16. I can't shut the 19 or 16 YO up. The 18 YO is quieter by natures but not unfriendly.
My 19 YO is so talkative that I used to joke with her and ask her of she was ever going to get to the sullen teenager part so I could have a break
I'm sorry you lost communication with your son. Based on what you've shared in other threads, I suspect he feels any topic will eventually turn into a lecture. I'm not saying that you constantly lecture, but he knows you don't approve of him in so many ways. Somehow, slowly, you need to switch from the role of dictator parent to mentor parent. He's 18 now and he needs to find his own way, which will involve making some mistakes. You'll have a better time at being a positive influence if you can move yourself more towards and adviser, not a dictator, who gently gives advice but doesn't offer harsh disapproval. Harsh disapproval should be reserved for absolutely necessary times---danger to life, breaking the law.
As for my children, I always had a very good relationship with them. The car is where my son would open up the most. Something about guys and sitting side by side instead of face to face. Anytime he would seem to be upset about something, I'd grab my keys and say "let's go for a ride." In no time, he'd start opening up all on his own. For my daughter, shopping together is where she opened up most. All of the distractions at the mall would lighten her mood and eventually she would start talking about important stuff that was on her mind.
I do get "I don't want to talk about that" sometimes. I have two approaches. I'll pick other topics, usually topics of interest to them OR just start talking about things going on in my life, things my friends said to me, or something that happened at work. If they still doesn't like my topics choices, I tell them the ball is in their court, if they don't pick something else to talk about, I'm going to continue talking about what I talk about. That usually inspires them. Sometimes we just turn on the car radio and start talking about music.
I don't sit in awkward silence with my children. Life is way too short to let that happen. The trick is to find any topic to lighten their mood so they don't feel like you're going to jump into a lecture.
Well, I don't have any advice unfortunately. My son who will be 18 next month, while a quiet guy, will share his day with me, etc. I was thinking of this thread while we were having dinner tonight - as he talked about what's going on his his classes, how the mandatory meeting with his counselor at school went, and how work was.
One thing that jumped out at me that you said - when you go out to eat he spends his time on his cell..... really?
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But he's always kind of been like that. Not social at all. My 13 yo will talk my ear off though. I don't know if it's just because he is only 13 or if he just likes to talk. I guess I'll find out in a few years.
