hover parent - new phrase on me (ADHD, punishing, teaching)
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What is the correct amount of involvement with a 5th grade son? My son is super duper smart. He was also evaluated for ADHD. The evaluation came back as not actionable. But he is flaky enough to warrant an eval. Just background.
He is supposed to read every day, and log it. He is supposed to read for 20 minutes a day. I could not keep his reading to ONLY 20 minutes if my life depended on it. So I made a little note that he reads way more than 20 minutes, but never pays attention and logs only 20.
How much involvement do you have with whether or not and how well your 5th grade child does on his homework? So far he has not even received any. But I am sure he will.
I want to balance supporting good habits (habits in our family is key because we are all super flakes) with his knowing he is responsible for his school work.
I think you're going to get answers that run the gamut.
I have a fourth grader. We do not log reading. In my opinion, nothing takes the joy out of reading like having to stop and look at a clock, go find pencil and planner, and write it all down. I do NOT see the point at all, and I think it falls under the umbrella of busy work.
My son is responsible for completing his math homework on his own. When it is done, I check it and hand it back for corrections. If he has trouble with a concept, I explain it or I point him toward resources he can review independently. Some parents advocate writing a note to the teacher that the child did not understand and requesting the concept be reviewed. I understand this position, but I am not completely comfortable with it. In my experience, there is so much pressure to keep moving in today's classroom that it just doesn't happen. As for writing assignments, this is an area where my child needs a LOT of guidance, so I am heavily-involved every step of the way.
That said, your child may require more or less supervision than other children in his class, so what somebody else does may be completely irrelevant. Seek counsel from his teacher, but trust your instincts. I think most well-connected parents know instinctively when to hold the reins tight and when to loosen them.
Last edited by formercalifornian; 09-10-2011 at 11:24 AM..
Some children have underlying learning disabilities that hinder their ability to be organized. Homework suffers and all the punishing in the world can't make them better organizers. If your instincts tell you that your son needs more help learning how to be organized, you're not a hover parent for helping him learn the skills he lacks. But be careful because there is a difference between teaching organization skills and actually doing the organizing for them.
What is the correct amount of involvement with a 5th grade son? My son is super duper smart. He was also evaluated for ADHD. The evaluation came back as not actionable. But he is flaky enough to warrant an eval. Just background.
He is supposed to read every day, and log it. He is supposed to read for 20 minutes a day. I could not keep his reading to ONLY 20 minutes if my life depended on it. So I made a little note that he reads way more than 20 minutes, but never pays attention and logs only 20.
How much involvement do you have with whether or not and how well your 5th grade child does on his homework? So far he has not even received any. But I am sure he will.
I want to balance supporting good habits (habits in our family is key because we are all super flakes) with his knowing he is responsible for his school work.
It most definitely depends on the child. I also have an ADD (not H) 5th grade child... doesn't pay attention to the "details". I have to be on him every day with homework, and check he's done everything. My younger ones, however, have independently doing eveything by themselves since Kindergarten. They will wake up and remind me its picture day, or ask where the permission slip they gave me yesterday is (I do have some time to fill it out.... chill!), where my son, it seems he might not even realize he has school that day.
At this point, I expect him to do it on his own, but I always have to check to make sure its correct and done, and mostly its not. I don't see this changing anytime soon.
We are instituting a check list for our 4th grader (this comes from girl scouts). She has a folder that has a list of things she must do each week and she checks them off when she is done.
I check my kids' bookbags at the end of each day. I set a time for homework and enforce it. However, there is only so much I am willing to push before I say, "You know what? This is your life and your responsibility. If you are choosing not to do your homework, then you will face the consequences from your teacher."
It happened ONCE in first grade. He missed recess and I haven't had to push him about homework since.
What is the correct amount of involvement with a 5th grade son? My son is super duper smart. He was also evaluated for ADHD. The evaluation came back as not actionable. But he is flaky enough to warrant an eval. Just background.
He is supposed to read every day, and log it. He is supposed to read for 20 minutes a day. I could not keep his reading to ONLY 20 minutes if my life depended on it. So I made a little note that he reads way more than 20 minutes, but never pays attention and logs only 20.
How much involvement do you have with whether or not and how well your 5th grade child does on his homework? So far he has not even received any. But I am sure he will.
I want to balance supporting good habits (habits in our family is key because we are all super flakes) with his knowing he is responsible for his school work.
It's called "helicopter parenting" and I'm not so sure a parent of a child with learning disabilities would qualify.
For younger kids with things like ADD and short term memory loss, a parent needs to help them stay on task and establish some basic long term habits. You certainly want him to be self-disciplined to deal with his issues by the time he's entering high school.
Kids without learning disabilities shouldn't need any "hovering over" by the time they reach 4th grade. The sooner they get the concept of personal responsibility the better off they'll be in the long run.
Example...a 10 year old forgets their homework at home and calls you in a panic to bring it to school or they'll get a zero needs to be told, "then I guess you'll be getting a zero", NOT rescued by you bringing the homework in.
My son with ADHD needed help with organization, and focus. I would turn off the tv on the school nights, and after dinner, go thru his backpack with him, to help him stay organized. These kids need ongoing help with that issue. He could lose his homework in a nano second. We looked at everything together, and decided what it was, and where to put it- garbage, save, do the work, file...then he would do his homework at the table, and I supervised it while I cleaned the kitchen. That was the only way he would sit still, and do his work...after a half hour, or 45 minutes, I let him take a break, have a shower, then come back and finish his work.
Was I a "hover parent"? I don't know. But I do know this, that if he had not had that structure, nothing would have been done.
It's called "helicopter parenting" and I'm not so sure a parent of a child with learning disabilities would qualify.
For younger kids with things like ADD and short term memory loss, a parent needs to help them stay on task and establish some basic long term habits. You certainly want him to be self-disciplined to deal with his issues by the time he's entering high school.
Kids without learning disabilities shouldn't need any "hovering over" by the time they reach 4th grade. The sooner they get the concept of personal responsibility the better off they'll be in the long run.
Example...a 10 year old forgets their homework at home and calls you in a panic to bring it to school or they'll get a zero needs to be told, "then I guess you'll be getting a zero", NOT rescued by you bringing the homework in.
EXACTLY. I have a child with special needs. He is on a totally different learning plane than his brother.
I check my kids' bookbags at the end of each day. I set a time for homework and enforce it. However, there is only so much I am willing to push before I say, "You know what? This is your life and your responsibility. If you are choosing not to do your homework, then you will face the consequences from your teacher."
It happened ONCE in first grade. He missed recess and I haven't had to push him about homework since.
A high five for you!
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
It's called "helicopter parenting" and I'm not so sure a parent of a child with learning disabilities would qualify.
For younger kids with things like ADD and short term memory loss, a parent needs to help them stay on task and establish some basic long term habits. You certainly want him to be self-disciplined to deal with his issues by the time he's entering high school.
Kids without learning disabilities shouldn't need any "hovering over" by the time they reach 4th grade. The sooner they get the concept of personal responsibility the better off they'll be in the long run.
Example...a 10 year old forgets their homework at home and calls you in a panic to bring it to school or they'll get a zero needs to be told, "then I guess you'll be getting a zero", NOT rescued by you bringing the homework in.
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