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I was once told a story by a lady that her boyfriend came to her home for about 3 hours. And during 3 hour visit time, he spent approximately 2 1/2 hour texting his buddies. Kids do the same thing now and its all the parents fault for their childs (Disconnecting) from the family unit,. Because they're buying them everything they want and they want it now without haveing to work for it.
I am very confused by this. What does buying everything for your kids have to do with texting and being rude?
I am not sure what social skills and work ethic you develop working the types of jobs teenagers get that you cannot develop doing community service, taking advanced courses, and doing internships.
To make this on topic --we bought our son a Volvo sedan with 300 thousand miles on it, when he got his driver's license. It cost $3,500. --5 years and 50 thousand miles later we sold it for $2000. We then gave him the Volvo 760 turbo sedan that was 22 years old which I had been driving since we bought it new. When he bought his first new car himself--we sold the 760 for $1,800 to an enthusiast who wanted to restore it. We did give him a lot as he was our only child, and we were "older parents".
-He also had an allowance since elementary school. One of the things he learned in 3rd grade was to use a check book. He had a checkbook that the teacher would "deposit" money--Not real money of course--for different reasons--every student had a set amount to receive, and a chance to earn more for various reasons. There was a store--stocked by donations of of coupons, parents donations, school supplies, etc. Every week they could make purchases and every week they had to balance their accounts. I thought that this was a great way to learn the value of money. (I never had a checkbook till I was in college, and working.)
Later in high school he had his own bank account and credit card. We signed for the bank credit card and deposited a certain amount--which guaranteed payment. 2 years later, because of prompt payment, his card was upgraded and our part in it was eliminated, he had his own credit.
The high school he attended had business partners, I think that they still do. Students were required to do a certain number of public service hours, also they had the oppurtunity to intern-unpaid, yes intern, in some of these businesses. My son took advantage of this starting in his junior year--not during football season however. This led him to summer jobs through college, also into his first real job after college.
We do live in a "good school district." We bought our house here for that reason--we bought the smallest house in the neighborhood--it was a struggle for us then but worth it.
Now I understand there is more choice and students may go to many of the schools without living in the district, if there is a program at one school, not available at another.
What do volunteers have in common? They have free time to donate to organizations and they can afford to work without pay...The "society pages" list "charity events" where "well-to-do people" help the "less fortunate." And this is fantastic!...I used to volunteer to help cook meals at a homeless shelter. Organizations would "dry up" if they didn't have willing volunteers...Corporations like "Mc Donalds" and "Wal-Mart" and "Macy's" (etc.) would also "dry-up" and go out of business if they didn't have employees who were willing to work for lower wages. (If they didn't have people who were willing to do what some consider "menial work.")...Who would "serve us" if no one wanted to take these jobs? If corporations "go under" because they can't find low-wage service industry workers this will affect our stock holdings and 401k's...There is a lot to look at and consider when it comes to jobs and how we are all "tied together." I've always been interested in the "hierarchy" and "class structure" in relation to jobs in our society.
How old are you that you were able to buy a car for $50?
I have some cousins and a sibling who are all in their senior year. The majority of them received a brand new car from their parents. I used to think the idea was horrible. However, these kids are good kids. They get very good grades, they are involved in their community, giving of their time, etc. They don't drink or smoke. They don't sleep around. And they are genuinely grateful for the things they have.
Hard word for what you want is a good and a real world teaching method and I cherish my mom and dad, for what they have taught me and my 9 sibs out on the farm. We still know how say (thank you Ma'am) and (No thank you Sir) and we still know to open the doors for the ladies, eldery and the little children.
Most kids i know still say mr or mrs, and yes ma'am, no sir,etc etc etc. As for opening a door, that's not really a part of society today. Most of us women do not need the door or want the door opened for us. We are our own people, and don't need the help of a man to open it.
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Originally Posted by EarthBound?
Oh, and by the way. We did just fine not haveing a cell phone strapped to our heads 24/7. And I find it to be extremely rude for a child or anyone else to be sitting in the presence of others "TEXTING" and its as rude as whispering in front of others all the time.
I know you can't understand it, but cell phones are an important part of a teens social network. People are more connected today and it has it's pros and cons. My niece for example has friends all over the world and views them as no different then her friends at school. It's broadened her view of things, which i think is good.
Quote:
Originally Posted by EarthBound?
I was once told a story by a lady that her boyfriend came to her home for about 3 hours. And during 3 hour visit time, he spent approximately 2 1/2 hour texting his buddies. Kids do the same thing now and its all the parents fault for their childs (Disconnecting) from the family unit,. Because they're buying them everything they want and they want it now without haveing to work for it.
While i am sure that does happen, i believe it's the exception, and not the rule. I have never been to a dinner with friends or family, where anyone is doing that. You know what they say about 3rd hand information?
I look around me and listen to my friends as they talk about buying everything for their kids, ie, cars, tv's, atv's and the list goes on, even the adult ones (18+) are catered too at will.
So, the question is, "Why buy everything for them"? Your not teaching them a thing about responsibility, doing for themselves, or working hard for what you want and need. All your teaching them is, that mom and dad are the bank that's open 24/7. And when the bank finally closes its doors, they (the pampered ones) retaliate in all kinds of ways. Especially as a graduation present semms to me as a dumb idea, they're not finacially ready to take on such a big responsibilty without your money backing them 110% on the time.
Even when I was in high school I bought a $50 special car, my own gas, insurance and paid for all of it's Many up-keeps, but mom and dad still had control over how I used it. And if I screwed up, they took the keys away, even though I paid for it myself. And to this day I'm still glad that they maintained that control as a responsible parent.
But today I see parents going into debt buying their kids brand new cars and paying for all the rest as well. Then they sit there complaining that the kids aren't showing any respect for it, misuseing and abuseing it and that they still want more.
Setting themselves up for failure and complaining about it all the time.
Yeah if my parents took a car away that i paid for i would have called the police. I really don't know WHAT parents you are around, but very very few i have met are going into debt buying their kids cars.
I don't see how buying things for kids/teens = spoiled people.
We always got big gifts at Christmas and birthdays but if we REALLY wanted something outside those times we got it under a few circumstances, if there was extra money to have it bought, if we hadn't been getting in trouble and how everything at school was going.
Most everything was usually paid for, dances, movies, summer events out with friends etc but it was all based on my behavior.
I got an android phone for christmas when I was 17(before then I had a basic phone), I got an ipod touch for my birthday a few months earlier, I got a laptop for christmas for graduation( I graduated mid year).
I don't act spoiled because technically I didn't do anything for those items except got them as gifts.
My grandmother got a car for me, a brand new one, but I take car of insurance, gas, maintenance and its up keep and just because I didn't buy it myself doesn't mean I am reckless with it and don't take care of it either.
Yeah if my parents took a car away that i paid for i would have called the police. I really don't know WHAT parents you are around, but very very few i have met are going into debt buying their kids cars.
I would have too.
If my mom tried to take anything I paid for now I would call the cops. If she took my keys, my cell phone, my laptop....the police would be here making her give the keys or whatever back.
My daughter has chores to do regardless of allowance. In my family, chores are just part of being in the family, and the idea that you can choose to not walk the dog as long as you do not take your allowance is a false choice. Somethings need to get done just because they have to and not to earn money. I knew kids who choose to do NO chores as teenagers and took NO money. That is sending the wrong message IMO.
Additionally, since she was about 15 I just gave her $30 a week allowance. It was her's just because she is a member of the family and had expenses. This had to cover her minor entertainment expenses (movies, etc), incidentals (gum, lip gloss, etc) as well as lunches. I, personally, feel it is a much better budgeting tool to learn to decide between buying lunch (convenient) and bringing your lunch (cheaper).
We follow this model also. Everyone in the family needs to help keep the household running. That is part of being a family member. The kids do not have a set list of chores but are expected to do what we need around the house. They clean up the kitchen after dinner, take the garbage out, put away their own laundry, help bring groceries in from the car, and whatever else I may need.
One of my kids drives. He drives one of our cars (we have 3). He has use of the car but it's not his car. We pay for insurance and gas. He is required to keep it clean and maintained. He is required to help us out with getting his brothers to and from school. He is required to get good grades. If he does those things we will keep allowing him to use our car and paying for his expenses. If not, then he can't use the car.
We give our kids an allowance to pay for their own expenses. We provide lunch at school but if they want to go out to eat they can use the money we give them. They get $20 per week (the older/middle). They can save it or spend it. They get it because they are part of the family. My youngest doesn't get an allowance yet.
My teens work in the summer but not during the school year. They are busy with school activities during the school year. If they were not active in school I would encourage them to work at a regular job. A job can be good for kids if they do not have other productive activities.
As far as buying things for kids, we do buy them things sometimes. We tell our kids that their "work" is school. If they do well in school (they don't have to be perfect) they usually get a reward of some sort. They usually ask for cash. They then use that cash to buy things that they want (video games, ipod, etc.). I see no harm in giving rewards for a job well done.
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