How should I deal a relative obnoxious child? (game, parent, play)
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I don't have any children, but I'm looking for advice on how to properly handle my eight year old cousin's obnoxious behavior. I would prefer to tie him up, tape his mouth shut and stick him head first in a trash can, but I realize that I really shouldn't do that. But I'm not sure what I should do. So here is the problem:
He is very bossy and he thinks he knows everything. The other day I was helping our grandparents unpack after they had just moved. I was trying to find the boxes that I wanted and he demanded to know what I was looking for. I didn't want to tell him because I knew he would want to help and he's still too young and clumsy to help with what I was doing. So he demanded that I tell him and he kept pestering me to unpack and setup grandma's computer. I said no and told him I had other things to do and he insisted that I at least let him move the computer boxes into the computer room. He's absolutely relentless and annoying. He annoys other people who are helping as well. He wants and tries to help, but he just makes everything take longer. I don't want to be there all day and night unpacking and if he's involved, it just takes longer.
I find that it takes a lot of self control to not argue with him, I just need to say no and maybe give a simple explanation and leave it at that.
That's the answer. Or you could just taser him, but that might cause other problems.
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But it takes so much out of me to not argue with him. He has the ability to easily anger people and I don't want to lose my temper, but I don't know what to do. He's not my child and I'm hesitant about what to say and to raise my voice with him. His mother tells him to leave us alone and he will for awhile, but she's not consistent with enforcing rules or anything.
Deal with the mother. She has the power and responsibility.
You obviously don't have a lot of experience with kids. The trick is to give them something to do, even something useless, to keep them occupied.
There are worse things than an 8 year old that wants to help. Be patient.
It sounded to me like the 8 year old was bored out of his mind being stuck at the grandparents house with nothing to do, hence why he wanted the computer. In that situation, you really only have three choices:
1. Be blunt that you want him to go away and that he needs to find something else to do. This is probably not the best approach, but it might work. The less blunt you are and the more you dance around your point, the more he is going to "debate" with you about it.
2. Engage him in what you are doing and assign him "jobs" that are within his abilities to do. The more involved he is, the faster it will go. My son isn't much younger than that and I am consistently amazed at how much he can do, when we work to include him, not exclude him, from getting something done.
3. Re-prioritize and use a little bit of number 2 and setup the computer for him. No, it's not next on your "grown-up" priority list, but you can accomplish number 1 (making him go away) without being a prick and he will feel satisfied that he helped. Imagine you are 8 and stuck helping your grandparents move. No TV, no computer, house torn apart, everyone telling you to go away and "find something to do", etc.
You never said how old you were, but one thing teenagers and young adults need to learn when it comes to kids is that they find you fascinating, especially when they are in that 7-12 age range. You can do everything adults can do, but you're still not really an "adult" to them like their parents are. You are unique and cool and they want to hang out with you. The better job you do acquiescing to a little bit of their demand for attention, the more they will leave you alone.
I don't have any children, but I'm looking for advice on how to properly handle my eight year old cousin's obnoxious behavior. I would prefer to tie him up, tape his mouth shut and stick him head first in a trash can, but I realize that I really shouldn't do that. But I'm not sure what I should do. So here is the problem:
He is very bossy and he thinks he knows everything. The other day I was helping our grandparents unpack after they had just moved. I was trying to find the boxes that I wanted and he demanded to know what I was looking for. I didn't want to tell him because I knew he would want to help and he's still too young and clumsy to help with what I was doing. So he demanded that I tell him and he kept pestering me to unpack and setup grandma's computer. I said no and told him I had other things to do and he insisted that I at least let him move the computer boxes into the computer room. He's absolutely relentless and annoying. He annoys other people who are helping as well. He wants and tries to help, but he just makes everything take longer. I don't want to be there all day and night unpacking and if he's involved, it just takes longer.
I find that it takes a lot of self control to not argue with him, I just need to say no and maybe give a simple explanation and leave it at that. But it takes so much out of me to not argue with him. He has the ability to easily anger people and I don't want to lose my temper, but I don't know what to do. He's not my child and I'm hesitant about what to say and to raise my voice with him. His mother tells him to leave us alone and he will for awhile, but she's not consistent with enforcing rules or anything.
A few things to remember...
Lead by example.
Beloved leaders command respect, never demand it.
Ponder these things, adjust your own behavior and you'll be pleasantly surprised at the results
I gotta tell ya.....I'm with NJ here. This kid was annoying the crap out of you. Hey, some kids can do that! Again though, you have to keep in mind just how frustrating and boring this whole situation can be for an 8 year old child. If it was me?....and I'm not one to simply just give in to a persistent and/or annoying child, I would have asked my mother if she had a problem hooking up her computer and if she didn't have a problem....that computer would have been hooked up immediately.
Talk about killing 3 birds with one stone! The child is occupied and out of your hair. The child is happy and entertained. The adults are not dealing with the extra added stress of having an 8 year old underfoot while they're trying to get some important stuff done.
As for dealing with him in the future, learn to be firm. Answer questions as often as you can, but if he's simply irritating you or bossing you around because he thinks he can, you need to simply tell him that he does NOT boss adults around and he needs to go find something to do...now! If this child's mother refuses to teach him manners and keep him in line, don't put yourself in the vicinity of him or her, unless absolutely necessary.
Some of the computer stuff is fragile and expensive and I don't want a clumsy kid messing with it.
I used to think highly of my "fragile" electronics. After having my son take a hockey stick to my Pioneer Kuros plasma, spilling a drink on my computer, insisting on touching every screen he sees when he wants to show me something, destroying my iPod and downloading crap on my cell phone...I kind of got over it and that isn't even mentioning what his sisters have done, lol.
Relax, it's just stuff and nothing to get worked up over unless the act was intentional destruction. Besides todays "fragile expensive" electronics is tomorrows bargain bin crap.
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He only wanted the computer hooked up so he could play video games.
He was bored out of his mind and wanted something to do.
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He knows how to use a computer and he has one of his own there at the house, there is no reason he needed grandma's hooked up. I think it's very rude and disrespectful of him to try to boss me around and he kept insisting that I hookup the computer. Since when do kids get to boss adults around?
When they're bored they will do anything to entertain themselves, including pushing your buttons. He likes computers, he wanted to play games, maybe grandma's is better, whatever. You could have spent the 10 minutes it takes to hookup the computer letting him help and been done with it.
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I don't mind kids at all, as long as they listen, behave and are respectful.
I don't mind them either when they do all of the above, however, that isn't 24/7 and it's how you handle the times that they don't hit the trifecta that matters.
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He is the only child I have ever come across that doesn't behave (although his behavior has significantly improved over the last year or so) and he is disrespectful, IMO. Everyone gets irritated with him, including his father, grandfather, and his teacher. There's a difference between normal childhood misbehaving and the things he does. I have never had a problem with any of my other young cousins.
OK, so he's not perfect, maybe he has some issues, but you also admitted he has significantly improved. What does he do that is all that horrible? If you said, "hey my little cousin drowned my cat in the toilet yesterday", that's a problem. Saying my little cousin was pestering me to do something while we were all busy doing "big important adult" things doesn't exactly equal "issue".
If "everyone" is irritated with him, maybe he is just craving some attention. If everyone else shuts him out because he is annoying, then maybe he just wants someone who won't do that. Chances are if someone took an active interest, his behavior might stop or at least subside.
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Unfortunately, there are no small tasks available for him to do anytime soon.
BS, there is always SOMETHING. As a father of three, I have found you just need to think a little bit and you can always come up with something. From holding doors to taking out empty boxes there is always something they can do to help and when they feel like they are helping, they are engaged and won't pester you.
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But like I said before, I don't want to be there any longer than necessary because he is helping out and making things slower.
No offense, but as someone who is unemployed and doesn't have kids, what exactly are you concerned about in terms of "wasting time" helping out during this move?
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Everyone is already stressed out enough because there is a ton of boxes to be unpacked and there in nowhere for the stuff to go.
stressed adults + bored kid = "issues"
You can't change the fact the adults are stressed, but you can change the kid being bored and focus his energy into something positive.
I gotta tell ya.....I'm with NJ here. This kid was annoying the crap out of you. Hey, some kids can do that! Again though, you have to keep in mind just how frustrating and boring this whole situation can be for an 8 year old child. If it was me?....and I'm not one to simply just give in to a persistent and/or annoying child, I would have asked my mother if she had a problem hooking up her computer and if she didn't have a problem....that computer would have been hooked up immediately.
Talk about killing 3 birds with one stone! The child is occupied and out of your hair. The child is happy and entertained. The adults are not dealing with the extra added stress of having an 8 year old underfoot while they're trying to get some important stuff done.
As for dealing with him in the future, learn to be firm. Answer questions as often as you can, but if he's simply irritating you or bossing you around because he thinks he can, you need to simply tell him that he does NOT boss adults around and he needs to go find something to do...now! If this child's mother refuses to teach him manners and keep him in line, don't put yourself in the vicinity of him or her, unless absolutely necessary.
I am with NJ as well on this! And I agree with what you say Mel!
OP if you are young adult you should react in an adult manner about the situation. And the advice given to you is spot on. If you react the way you did in your original post verbally it can and will back fire on you. It make you look immature in front of the other adults within the household. This is an 8 year old child. They will get bored, they will irrate and annoy but it is your reaction that can spark off even more obnoxious behaviour and get the least favourable results you were not looking for from him, his mother and grandparents.
I used to think highly of my "fragile" electronics. After having my son take a hockey stick to my Pioneer Kuros plasma, spilling a drink on my computer, insisting on touching every screen he sees when he wants to show me something, destroying my iPod and downloading crap on my cell phone...I kind of got over it and that isn't even mentioning what his sisters have done, lol.
Relax, it's just stuff and nothing to get worked up over unless the act was intentional destruction. Besides todays "fragile expensive" electronics is tomorrows bargain bin crap.
He was bored out of his mind and wanted something to do.
When they're bored they will do anything to entertain themselves, including pushing your buttons. He likes computers, he wanted to play games, maybe grandma's is better, whatever. You could have spent the 10 minutes it takes to hookup the computer letting him help and been done with it.
I don't mind them either when they do all of the above, however, that isn't 24/7 and it's how you handle the times that they don't hit the trifecta that matters.
OK, so he's not perfect, maybe he has some issues, but you also admitted he has significantly improved. What does he do that is all that horrible? If you said, "hey my little cousin drowned my cat in the toilet yesterday", that's a problem. Saying my little cousin was pestering me to do something while we were all busy doing "big important adult" things doesn't exactly equal "issue".
If "everyone" is irritated with him, maybe he is just craving some attention. If everyone else shuts him out because he is annoying, then maybe he just wants someone who won't do that. Chances are if someone took an active interest, his behavior might stop or at least subside.
BS, there is always SOMETHING. As a father of three, I have found you just need to think a little bit and you can always come up with something. From holding doors to taking out empty boxes there is always something they can do to help and when they feel like they are helping, they are engaged and won't pester you.
No offense, but as someone who is unemployed and doesn't have kids, what exactly are you concerned about in terms of "wasting time" helping out during this move?
stressed adults + bored kid = "issues"
You can't change the fact the adults are stressed, but you can change the kid being bored and focus his energy into something positive.
OP, see bolded above. Eight year old kids are far more capable of doing tasks than you likely realize, because you don't have kids and you're not used to giving them responsibilities. You know, even if you were to have showed him the pan cupboard and said, "Hey! Could you put the pans in these cupboards here?" or "Cool! Here's the dishes box! Here are the dish cupboards"! or "Oh...great! Here are the towels and wash cloths! Yay...bathroom stuff! Can you put them on the shelves in the bathroom please!?"
If those pans ended up in the wrong order, or the dishes weren't precisely where they would end up later...no big deal. The big deal is in taking the time to treat a little boy like he's not a baby and is perfectly capable of constructively helping. Again....those things might not be in exactly the right spot for the homeowner, but they'd be unpacked and in the general area. Trust me, with 4 kids, it was generally a whole lot faster and easier to do things myself. The trouble is, you're not teaching them anything and you're dismissing them as if they're too young to be of any value or importance."
Take the time to make him feel a little more valuable.
8 hours/day all week is too long to expect an 8 year old to hang out while grown ups unpack. You should have either given him a task (unpacking bedding, pillows, towels? something not breakable) or offered to take him to lunch or to the park or something; or asked his mom if she wanted to take him out for a break. His mom probably should have been more on top of it and brought something for him to do, or set up the computer for him.
I have a very passive boy and a very persistant boy. The very persistant boy gets what he is after most of the time, enough said.
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