How should I deal a relative obnoxious child? (punishment, games, parents)

[ittle]

I don't have any children, but I'm looking for advice on how to properly handle my eight year old cousin's obnoxious behavior. I would prefer to tie him up, tape his mouth shut and stick him head first in a trash can, but I realize that I really shouldn't do that. But I'm not sure what I should do. So here is the problem:

He is very bossy and he thinks he knows everything. The other day I was helping our grandparents unpack after they had just moved. I was trying to find the boxes that I wanted and he demanded to know what I was looking for. I didn't want to tell him because I knew he would want to help and he's still too young and clumsy to help with what I was doing. So he demanded that I tell him and he kept pestering me to unpack and setup grandma's computer. I said no and told him I had other things to do and he insisted that I at least let him move the computer boxes into the computer room. He's absolutely relentless and annoying. He annoys other people who are helping as well. He wants and tries to help, but he just makes everything take longer. I don't want to be there all day and night unpacking and if he's involved, it just takes longer.

I find that it takes a lot of self control to not argue with him, I just need to say no and maybe give a simple explanation and leave it at that. But it takes so much out of me to not argue with him. He has the ability to easily anger people and I don't want to lose my temper, but I don't know what to do. He's not my child and I'm hesitant about what to say and to raise my voice with him. His mother tells him to leave us alone and he will for awhile, but she's not consistent with enforcing rules or anything.

[phonelady61]

Okay what you stated about the mother that is his problem she is not consistent with his punishment for bad behavior in not doing what he is told . It is not the little boys fault it is his mother she needs to put her foot down with him . Until she starts enforcing the rules he will continue in this behavior so there is where the problem lies , Perhaps you could have your grandparents have a talk with her about being more consistant .

[DewDropInn]

So how did YOU learn about computers? Did someone show you or did you just learn through osmosis? Did you ever ask any dumb questions? When a new app comes out do you know all about it or does someone show you how it works?

What would you have been doing if you weren't helping Grandma and Grandpa? Out with your friends? Did you really have better things to do but you got roped into doing this? And then on top of it, oh the agony, an 8 year old wanted to help and he slowed you up. Awful.

Sorry. I'm seeing someone with little or no patience with an 8 year old whose only sin may be that he's 8 years old and trying to learn. And wanting to help.

We've all been that 8 year old. Even you. You were young and clumsy once. But there was probably a few people who looked past that and taught you things.

See what I'm doing? Trying to make you think a little here about YOUR actions as well as his.

But my advice to you is keep your distance from him. If I had an 8 year old who had an older cousin who wanted to tie him up, tape his mouth shut and stuff him head first into a trash can, that older cousin wouldn't be allowed inside my house.

[Momma_bear]

Everything takes longer when an 8 year old helps. But how do you think 8 year olds learn about the world? Maybe by living it at the speed of an 8 year old. From what you posted it doesn't really sound like he did anything wrong. He wants to help. Let him help.

[Hopes]

Be kind. Answer his questions. Give him tasks that make him feel he is needed. Let him help with more difficult tasks, even if it means it will take longer. Again, be kind.

[CaptainNJ]

Originally Posted by ittle

I find that it takes a lot of self control to not argue with him.

you are tempted to argue with an 8 year old? you can try nicely brushing him off and if that doesnt work you can ignore him. if you dont want to include him, i dont think thats your obligation.

[Hedgehog_Mom]

My sister got really impatient and argumentative with my 9 year old. When she got mad, she pushed my daughter into the wall. I didn't talk to her for a year after that, and then the next summer (when she was home from grad school) she got upset again, but with me, and almost hit my daughter with her car.

My daughter thinks it's because my sister resents me having children when my sister was still young (sis is 22, my oldest daughter is 9) and taking the attention away from her.

I don't really care what my sister's problem is. She's lucky I didn't call the police and she's not a part of our lives anymore.

Anyhow, that's how the parent of the 8 year old will be looking at you if you do lose your temper with him.

[AJBarney]

Originally Posted by ittle

I just need to say no and maybe give a simple explanation and leave it at that.

/thread

Either engage the child in a productive discussion, or do not. Arguing with an 8-year old is silly... you are frustrated but I promise you that HE thinks its funny as he**.

I will only add that, back in the day when I monitored my relative's children for one reason or another from time to time, I always (prior to dropoff) ensured that I had the authority to treat them as one of my own as long as I was their supervisor. This 'Im afraid to say anything for fear of what his mom/dad might say' wasn't allowed to develop.

If I was not granted that authority, I did not take responsibility for the children at the house, and other arrangements were made.

I was always granted that authority, and everything was fine. I will also add that it was completely reciprocal; my children at their house were under the same agreement. I accepted their supervisor's judgment as I expected them to accept mine.


Responsibility without authority is unacceptable, in my view.

[ittle]

I appreciate the feedback, but I feel like most of you are misunderstanding what I'm getting at. I probably didn't explain good enough.

I said I feel like stuffing him in a trashcan, I didn't say I have or I would. I would never do that to a child. I'm here because I'm asking on how to deal with the kid properly, I don't want to lose my temper with him.

This moving process has taken a whole week. I have been there for about 8 hrs per day helping, sometimes longer. One day I got up at 7 am had two cups of coffee, went straight there, was on my feet all day lifting and moving heavy boxes, and didn't get home until 11:30 pm and only got one 15 min break. Everyone is busting their butt to get things done. Some relatives even took off of work to spend the day helping out, I'm currently unemployed and offering help for free.

I don't mind having a child help, as sometimes they are useful. But I don't want something taking two hours longer than it should because a child is helping, especially when I'm exhausted and anxious to get home. Sometimes, they just get in the way depending on what they're doing. My mom and grandma were unpacking stuff in the bedroom and bathroom and my cousin decided to help. He was making everything go slower and my mom was getting angry and she's the most tolerant person I know. So I'm not the only one who gets irritated with the kid.

Some of the computer stuff is fragile and expensive and I don't want a clumsy kid messing with it. He only wanted the computer hooked up so he could play video games. He knows how to use a computer and he has one of his own there at the house, there is no reason he needed grandma's hooked up. I think it's very rude and disrespectful of him to try to boss me around and he kept insisting that I hookup the computer. Since when do kids get to boss adults around?

I don't mind kids at all, as long as they listen, behave and are respectful. He is the only child I have ever come across that doesn't behave (although his behavior has significantly improved over the last year or so) and he is disrespectful, IMO. Everyone gets irritated with him, including his father, grandfather, and his teacher. There's a difference between normal childhood misbehaving and the things he does. I have never had a problem with any of my other young cousins.

Unfortunately, there are no small tasks available for him to do anytime soon. But like I said before, I don't want to be there any longer than necessary because he is helping out and making things slower. Everyone is already stressed out enough because there is a ton of boxes to be unpacked and there in nowhere for the stuff to go.

[CD's Only Mrs. X]

OP how old are you? This is a serious question..