Children and privacy (how much to give them) (smart, 19 yr old, friend)
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Oh lord, you have never seen the facebook group i am part of LOL. It is full of dramaz with the capital D . Though we do end up hashing out our issues later on after the tears dry up.
You obviously are not as old as I am, which is what I was saying.
I am 22, soon to be 23 within the next 8 1/2 months.
I am guessing you are younger. Which is EXACTLY what I was saying.
When I was younger we never had these issues on myspace or facebook.
In my group now, we don't have those issues. We may debate and argue things on Facebook but there certainly is no cyber bullying going on when it happens.
My brother is 5 years younger and it DOES happen within his group, A LOT.
Then again I was using social media when myspace was big and facebook didn't gain popularity like it has now until I was about 17 years old. This was in 2006.
This will be my last post on this topic. I just want the OP to focus on the fact that suggestions of waiting are not a reflection on your parenting, or your child's ability to make the right choices. it is on the fact that there is a policy in place, and 11 is not 13. Also, what you seem not to even touch on, is the fact that you will not be able to control all the variables online. Your daughter may never do anything inappropriate, this is not about what she will do. It is about protecting her from what so many others do online. To think that it doesn't occur is to deny the reality, to think that you can control every single variable will put your daughter in a possible situation before she is mature enough to handle it. There are things that roll across my screen on FB that I would never encourage folks to say, or act out. Sure, there have been some recent improvements that really help. But turning a blind eye to the "what ifs" in this case is not responsible parenting in my opinion. No one would sit their child in the doorway of a bus terminal alone, or leave them alone in the middle of a mall, or along the freeway, at 11 yrs old. that doorway, the internet. Have you discussed this w/ your folks? How does your hubby feel about it? This is only my opinion, but if that were my grandchild, and you were my daughter I would be very worried.
Sure you cannot control what others say online but you can control WHO is on her profile. OBVIOUSLY you have people on your facebook that say things not appropriate for an 11 year old but an 11 year old wouldn't have those people on their facebook and if your 11 year olds friend were saying questionable things on facebook then you can bet your ass they are saying then in person as well and then you have a good idea of what your child may or may not be talking about then it opens everything up for discussions about the topics they talk about.
How did your father keep tabs on your online activities? I seriously doubt he did things that are to the level that people on here are suggesting like keyloggers, network traffic monitors and getting scripts of text conversations. Questioning your kid if you think they are pulling fast one is fine, but how would you have felt if your dad, read your diary, listened in on your phone conversations or snooped through your room? Things like loggers, traffic monitors and reading texts is the modern equivalent of reading a diary, listening in on a conversation and snooping through a bedroom.
A "good" parent does not need to resort to these things and I do firmly believe that a little bit of naivety between teens and parents may actually be a very positive thing for the teen.
My father is a computer and networking professional - yes, he had all kinds of tools to his advantage including keyloggers, router configurations that "shut off" internet at specific times of day, router configurations that "kick off" a computer from the network (If I lost internet privileges, but needed to write a report, I could use the computer without having internet available), etc, etc. Cell phones were still fairly new to the world at this time, and I didn't have one, so no scripts for a cell phone applied to me. But, he did get scripts of my chat room conversations.
Are we discussing use of technology, or are we discussing normal, every day teenager doings such as putting up pics of a cute guy/gal in a locker or keeping a diary or other 'harmless' things that teenagers do every day?
I have specifically only been talking about use of computers and cell phones - technology. You can read this in every single post that I have added to this thread. If a child is using technology, the parent has the responsibility to know what that child is up to for the protection of the child, the household and the family as a unit.
A "good" parent recognizes this responsibility and understand what it means.
A "good" parent also recognizes the responsibility to look at a diary, snoop through a bedroom or listen in on a phone call if the child has given them reason to. If the child is displaying characteristics of drug use, depression or another dangerous behavior, the decision to "spy" (as you call it) could be the difference between life or death.
Same goes with use of technology. If a child has an online relationship with somone the parent doesn't know, and that person suggests a private meeting, running away, visiting or something else --- The parent interferring could be the difference of life or death. Most parents that are not keeping tabs on their child's online activities wouldn't realize there was a problem until it was too late because there are no associated behavioral changes like there would be with depression or drug use.
My father is a computer and networking professional - yes, he had all kinds of tools to his advantage including keyloggers, router configurations that "shut off" internet at specific times of day, router configurations that "kick off" a computer from the network (If I lost internet privileges, but needed to write a report, I could use the computer without having internet available), etc, etc. Cell phones were still fairly new to the world at this time, and I didn't have one, so no scripts for a cell phone applied to me. But, he did get scripts of my chat room conversations.
Are we discussing use of technology, or are we discussing normal, every day teenager doings such as putting up pics of a cute guy/gal in a locker or keeping a diary or other 'harmless' things that teenagers do every day?
I have specifically only been talking about use of computers and cell phones - technology. You can read this in every single post that I have added to this thread. If a child is using technology, the parent has the responsibility to know what that child is up to for the protection of the child, the household and the family as a unit.
A "good" parent recognizes this responsibility and understand what it means.
A "good" parent also recognizes the responsibility to look at a diary, snoop through a bedroom or listen in on a phone call if the child has given them reason to. If the child is displaying characteristics of drug use, depression or another dangerous behavior, the decision to "spy" (as you call it) could be the difference between life or death.
Same goes with use of technology. If a child has an online relationship with somone the parent doesn't know, and that person suggests a private meeting, running away, visiting or something else --- The parent interferring could be the difference of life or death. Most parents that are not keeping tabs on their child's online activities wouldn't realize there was a problem until it was too late because there are no associated behavioral changes like there would be with depression or drug use.
But how far do you dig?
Do you have your childs social websites login information till they turn 18?
Do you look at and read every single thing they write on the internet?
Log every chat, every IM, read through every page of a forum?
My mom only had me added as a friend on facebook. That's as far as it went. She never logged my chats or anything else. And my computer was password protected and she never once came to me and asked me to unlock it and she would have had to, she's not a computer guru.
Privacy while using computer / cell phone that is owned by an employer. We, as adults, do not have privacy when using company owned technology. Our employers owns the equipment, ususally the method for how that equipment has access to online / texting, etc, and the content that is on our equipment.
Very few employers give ANY adult the expectation of privacy.
So, why would a parent, that owns the equipment / data plan / cell phone, etc, give any expectation of privacy to a child?
This is a good start for the child to learn they need to be aware of their actions while using technology. Many a policitians, VPs, management and working professions have lost careers over poor decisions while using company owned technology.
Privacy while using computer / cell phone that is owned by an employer. We, as adults, do not have privacy when using company owned technology. Our employers owns the equipment, ususally the method for how that equipment has access to online / texting, etc, and the content that is on our equipment.
Very few employers give ANY adult the expectation of privacy.
So, why would a parent, that owns the equipment / data plan / cell phone, etc, give any expectation of privacy to a child?
This is a good start for the child to learn they need to be aware of their actions while using technology. Many a policitians, VPs, management and working professions have lost careers over poor decisions while using company owned technology?
I haven't been following this thread, and in the most general sense think there has to be a balance of privacy for teens, but I found this to be an interesting point. I suppose I would follow up with: adult employees are aware of the companies' policies. I would want the teen to be aware of any "household policies" rather than making it a covert op.
Privacy while using computer / cell phone that is owned by an employer. We, as adults, do not have privacy when using company owned technology. Our employers owns the equipment, ususally the method for how that equipment has access to online / texting, etc, and the content that is on our equipment.
Very few employers give ANY adult the expectation of privacy.
So, why would a parent, that owns the equipment / data plan / cell phone, etc, give any expectation of privacy to a child?
This is a good start for the child to learn they need to be aware of their actions while using technology. Many a policitians, VPs, management and working professions have lost careers over poor decisions while using company owned technology.
People keep using this kind of example.
As an adult, what I do on my companies computer is nothing that would get me into trouble. I do what I need to do and I get my stuff done, yes I stream music at work and I go on facebook but its not affecting my work.
They don't naturally snoop, they aren't going to go through it just for the sake of going through it.
Employers and parents have very different reasons for checking.
My employers don't care if I am on facebook, my BOSS uses facebook at work, they don't care if I am talking to boys or if I might be sneaking out at night to go to a party. All they care about is if you are working or using the computer more.
My job isn't going to ground me and take away my cell phone because I lied about where I was going one night, you know out to the movies but really snuck off to a party, where as a parent would care.
People keep using this kind of example.
As an adult, what I do on my companies computer is nothing that would get me into trouble. I do what I need to do and I get my stuff done, yes I stream music at work and I go on facebook but its not affecting my work.
They don't naturally snoop, they aren't going to go through it just for the sake of going through it.
Employers and parents have very different reasons for checking.
My employers don't care if I am on facebook, my BOSS uses facebook at work, they don't care if I am talking to boys or if I might be sneaking out at night to go to a party. All they care about is if you are working or using the computer more.
My job isn't going to ground me and take away my cell phone because I lied about where I was going one night, you know out to the movies but really snuck off to a party, where as a parent would care.
Get my point?
So many holes with this logic ...
FWIW - streaming music DOES affect your office. If it is streaming, it is using bandwideth. The company pays per unit of bandwideth used. Same with FB, same with personal email, same with online surfing, same with online shopping. And, commercial bandwideth does come at a cost.
If your employer is good with the cost of bandwideth potentially increasing due to non-work related use, more power to them. But, if the bottom line gets affected, bet your tail end they will be putting the breaks on it.
Second --- vast majority of the cases with children and cell phones / computers / internet, the parent PAYS for this privilege. This is no different than a company owned privilege. Employer pays for it, employer owns it. Parent pays for it, parent owns it.
Your job might not ground you, but they might fire you. And, if you don't think they aren't playing "Big Brother" to your online activities, you are NAIVE! I work in the IT department at my job, and I know how much traffic is being monitored. Employers aren't stupid - they are just picking their fights carefully. Just sayin'.
FWIW - streaming music DOES affect your office. If it is streaming, it is using bandwideth. The company pays per unit of bandwideth used. Same with FB, same with personal email, same with online surfing, same with online shopping. And, commercial bandwideth does come at a cost.
If your employer is good with the cost of bandwideth potentially increasing due to non-work related use, more power to them. But, if the bottom line gets affected, bet your tail end they will be putting the breaks on it.
Second --- vast majority of the cases with children and cell phones / computers / internet, the parent PAYS for this privilege. This is no different than a company owned privilege. Employer pays for it, employer owns it. Parent pays for it, parent owns it.
Your job might not ground you, but they might fire you. And, if you don't think they aren't playing "Big Brother" to your online activities, you are NAIVE! I work in the IT department at my job, and I know how much traffic is being monitored. Employers aren't stupid - they are just picking their fights carefully. Just sayin'.
There isn't someone sitting somewhere watching me actively.
There isn't someone sitting somewhere watching me actively.
Oh my... you so don't know.
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. Though we do end up hashing out our issues later on after the tears dry up.
