Buying for one child, not the other (non-birthday!!!) (playing, daughters, grandpa)
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Maybe I'm old fashioned, but we were taught that when someone was kind enough to give a gift, regardless of whether it is liked or not, you are supposed to smile and say Thank You. There is no reason the gift can't be shared, especially since it is the adults doing the squabbling.
There is no special occasion or birthday or anything like that.
Not wrong to be miffed. Actually, I'd be more than miffed. It's strange.
It easily could have been a gift for both brothers, and presented that way, it would be a whole different thing.
I too have an odd MIL. She died several years ago, and I am not upset. My father in law is still living in North Carolina, and practices "abusive gift giving" with my kids, and favors one over the other.
My daughters birthday cards are pulled out of a box of cheap cards that older people seem to keep on hand, where as my son's are name brand and purchased new. They are appropriate for the occasion. For example they will say "To a Terrific Grandson!" where as my daughter just received a birthday card, three weeks late, that was dog eared and had a picture of a little chipmunk in a baseball cap This, for a girl's Sweet Sixteen!
Making matters worse, my daughter is adopted.
He sent my son $100 when he had is last birthday and my daughter $35.
He is not senile, he is just mean and is carrying on in his wife's tradition of passive aggressive behavior and favoritism.
DH's sister does the same thing with gifts, but uses them as opportunities to preach fundamentalist Christianity to my children, sending them books they will never read and cheesy wall plaques.
Trust me, they know just what they are doing.
And your MIL does too. It's more directed at you than it is your son, because these people know it will hurt the mother the most.
Is your husband aware or oblivious? He is the best one to confront them on this. He could say "gifts only on holidays, birthdays and special occasions. They should be of equal value."
Maybe I'm old fashioned, but we were taught that when someone was kind enough to give a gift, regardless of whether it is liked or not, you are supposed to smile and say Thank You. There is no reason the gift can't be shared, especially since it is the adults doing the squabbling.
YDS did smile and say thank you. ODS did not because he did not receive a gift.
Not wrong to be miffed. Actually, I'd be more than miffed. It's strange.
It easily could have been a gift for both brothers, and presented that way, it would be a whole different thing.
I too have an odd MIL. She died several years ago, and I am not upset. My father in law is still living in North Carolina, and practices "abusive gift giving" with my kids, and favors one over the other.
My daughters birthday cards are pulled out of a box of cheap cards that older people seem to keep on hand, where as my son's are name brand and purchased new. They are appropriate for the occasion. For example they will say "To a Terrific Grandson!" where as my daughter just received a birthday card, three weeks late, that was dog eared and had a picture of a little chipmunk in a baseball cap This, for a girl's Sweet Sixteen!
Making matters worse, my daughter is adopted.
He sent my son $100 when he had is last birthday and my daughter $35.
He is not senile, he is just mean and is carrying on in his wife's tradition of passive aggressive behavior and favoritism.
DH's sister does the same thing with gifts, but uses them as opportunities to preach fundamentalist Christianity to my children, sending them books they will never read and cheesy wall plaques.
Trust me, they know just what they are doing.
And your MIL does too. It's more directed at you than it is your son, because these people know it will hurt the mother the most.
Is your husband aware or oblivious? He is the best one to confront them on this. He could say "gifts only on holidays, birthdays and special occasions. They should be of equal value."
Good luck.
He is aware and feels the same as I do. It's a really touchy situation though.
I agree. Maybe it was a one time thing so don't over react.
However, consistent favoritism is something that you should address.
The OP said pretty clearly that this has happened before.
A high ticket item like that should have come with an explanation, i.e., "I won this at a raffle and thought X would like it." Of course, X should have been both boys.
I don't think I could ever see a valid explanation for a grandma that walked into a toy store, purchased an expensive item for one of the two kids and gave it to him in front of the other kid. The other boy never entered her mind?
How is your relationship with grandma, Magritte? Can you ask her why she did that without her freaking out and getting upset?
MIL was here again today. She wasn't very nice to ODS about YDS sharing the toy. I need to open my mouth already!
YDS played with the DS for quite awhile and ODS asked to play with it. YDS refused and MIL told ODS that he can't expect YDS to give it up. WTF? Luckily she left right after but I Really don't know what to do.
The OP said pretty clearly that this has happened before.
A high ticket item like that should have come with an explanation, i.e., "I won this at a raffle and thought X would like it." Of course, X should have been both boys.
I don't think I could ever see a valid explanation for a grandma that walked into a toy store, purchased an expensive item for one of the two kids and gave it to him in front of the other kid. The other boy never entered her mind?
How is your relationship with grandma, Magritte? Can you ask her why she did that without her freaking out and getting upset?
She said she bought YDS a DS because "he asked for it" and because ODS has one. But we bought ODS and YDS what they asked for a few months ago. YDS wanted a touch tablet and that's what he has.
MIL was here again today. She wasn't very nice to ODS about YDS sharing the toy. I need to open my mouth already!
YDS played with the DS for quite awhile and ODS asked to play with it. YDS refused and MIL told ODS that he can't expect YDS to give it up. WTF? Luckily she left right after but I Really don't know what to do.
Your husband needs to speak to her. She does not have the right to dictate sharing rules in your house.
Your husband needs to speak to her. She does not have the right to dictate sharing rules in your house.
He is going to have to. If it were my mom I'd have no problem talking to her about it.
But I let ODS down by not standing up to her.
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This, for a girl's Sweet Sixteen!
WTF? Luckily she left right after but I Really don't know what to do.
