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Spoiling our kids is the latest hot topic. An article in the July 2 New Yorker by writer Elizabeth Kolbert concludes that American children are "spoiled rotten." Kolbert writes: "With the exception of the imperial offspring of the Ming dynasty and the dauphins of pre-revolutionary France, contemporary American kids may represent the most indulged young people in the history of the world."
Sarcasm alert: Ah, well, looks like my kids are going to be SOL among their spoiled peers.
We already have expectations of hard work, responsibility, and contributing to the family, everyone has a job in this house, whether it draws a paycheck or not. We are not the only family I know who shares these values.
Last edited by eastwesteastagain; 06-30-2012 at 08:12 AM..
"And anyway, she writes, we all have so little time together, let's enjoy it instead of enforcing discipline."
THIS is the sentiment that is at the heart of disciplinary failure. That discipline is hard, bad even MEAN. That discipline is diametrically opposed to kindness and even fun. It isn't. It shouldn't be in any event. But if all you know is punitive style, i can see how it would seem so.
I don't understand why teaching your children to help around the house should be hard. Even a toddler can be taught to put the spoons from the dishwasher with the spoons in the drawer. Once a child knows his colors you can ask him to take all of the white clothes and put them in a pile for mommy to wash. Even a toddler can hold the dustpan while mommy sweeps the dirt into it. When children are raised to help around the house they learn that it is just what is done in a home.
Parents quickly fall into the "it's faster to do it myself" trap. It is a trap because although it is true that it is faster to do it yourself, you are teaching your children skills that will eventually help you (and them). I can't believe how many of my son's peers who are entering college now don't even know that they should change their sheets weekly, or when to grab a fresh towel. Their mother still does that for them at 18 years old.
Parents quickly fall into the "it's faster to do it myself" trap. It is a trap because although it is true that it is faster to do it yourself, you are teaching your children skills that will eventually help you (and them).
In addition, you are failing to invest in them such that they become useful at a young age so it is NOT faster to do it yourself. My kids have been out of town. And I have felt their absence in the form of more work for me!
Parent spoil their kids and give them everything they want,
because the parents are afraid there kids will not love, or like them.
It turns out the kids never learn to care about others,
neither do they know how to do for themselves.
They go through life thinking the employers, and the world owe them everything,
and if they can not buy it, they will just go out and charge it ! ! !
.
My kids had chores as young as 5. As they aged they had to help more around the house and when they were old enough had to work to save money for college and all the things the other kids got without doing anything. When they went to college they were responsible for their spending money and book money, which they worked summers to obtain. We paid the tuition. Now they are grown, they have jobs, own their own homes and are not in debt.
My grandchildren have chores, the youngest being 4.5. They have a chart and it gets a check if they complete the chore. For every chore completed they get 25 cents. If they don't do their chores, no money. Simple tasks for the littlest are clear the table and put things in dishwasher, take out recycling and sort, etc.
They appreciate simple treats like going for ice cream and when I took the oldest shopping for clothes, she kept saying, "that's too expensive for you to buy for me." Nothing wrong in teaching children young the value of working for what you want.
I'm not sure I believe that kids of this generation are more spolied. I think they certainly have their own challenges, that my generation didn't have to the same degree.
"And anyway, she writes, we all have so little time together, let's enjoy it instead of enforcing discipline."
THIS is the sentiment that is at the heart of disciplinary failure. That discipline is hard, bad even MEAN. That discipline is diametrically opposed to kindness and even fun. It isn't. It shouldn't be in any event. But if all you know is punitive style, i can see how it would seem so.
What I find interesting is that we have as much time as a family as we ever have since the industrial revolution. What has changed is we're convinced we don't have time. Why, I don't know. I have as much time as my parents had and they had no issue using some of it to discipline us...in fact, they really didn't care to spend it with us enjoying the time. They just did their job as parents. THAT is what we need to get back to.
If you start counting hours, you'll see that parents have a lot of time. 28% of all days fall on the weekend. For the average person, another 5% are holidays or vacation days when they can be with family so, 1/3 of days we are not working. On the 2/3 when we are working, we work, say, 9 hours a day and commute an hour. Using an average of 7 hours of sleep for adults, that leaves us 7 hours a day at home on work days.
Our problem isn't that we don't have time. It's how we perceive time. We have this all or nothing view of time. I'm either off all day or the day is shot but that is not true. We need to drop out of this mind set. There is nothing wrong with making dinner with your kids. It teaches them a valuable skill and you spend some time together as a parent teaching your child. Ditto for shopping for groceries or cleaning house. Someone has brainwashed us into thinking we don't have time when we do. They have us believing we need to spend "quality" time with our kids when we have quantity time!!!!
BTW, I do think kids are spoiled in that they have lots of things like ipods, computers and phones but this is a high tech generation. That's how they keep in touch. I can't see isolating kids and you would be if you took away technology. The challenge for parents is monitoring the use of that technology.
I'm not sure I believe that kids of this generation are more spolied. I think they certainly have their own challenges, that my generation didn't have to the same degree.
Paradoxically: they ARE more spoiled - certainly more so than those of the pre-1970's generation, but it is also true that they have more challenges than those of ANY previous generation.
Pretty lethal combination, if you ask me.
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