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I can assure you that it doesn't matter who takes your kids to disney world. All they will remember is that they got to go, not necessarily who took them there. To deprive them of a trip to disney world with a willing and able family member is selfish and cruel.
Also it must be very sad to live a life in which you are constantly terror-stricken about your kids when they are not with you. Especially since schools nowadays are one of the most dangerous places for kids (guns, drugs, sex, molesting teachers, bombs, etc.). I assume you home-school your kids and keep them in a cage?
I can assure you that it doesn't matter who takes your kids to disney world. All they will remember is that they got to go, not necessarily who took them there. To deprive them of a trip to disney world with a willing and able family member is selfish and cruel.
Also it must be very sad to live a life in which you are constantly terror-stricken about your kids when they are not with you. Especially since schools nowadays are one of the most dangerous places for kids (guns, drugs, sex, molesting teachers, bombs, etc.). I assume you home-school your kids and keep them in a cage?
How do you know the daughter doesn't have a very good reason for not trusting her mother with her kids? The OP could be a psychopath, or physically or mentally abusive. She might be an unsafe driver. There could be any number of valid reasons the daughter doesn't trust her mother. We don't know.
The grandmother never said anything about the daughter being a pshycopath or abusive. If she was, she would be restricted from spending time with the kids, which she is not. Which tells me this is an issue about control. The daughter is one of those parents who wants to keep control over their kids 24-7, who wants the kid all to themselves and doesn't want to share the kid, or for the kid to like anyone more than her.
It's so pathetic that the ones who suffer in these situations is the kids. It's totally fine for the kid to go to school 8 hours a day and be cared for by complete strangers, but it's not okay for the kid to have a trip to Disney with grandma because the daughter doesn't want to share, or is jealous that she can't go, or is not taking the kid herself. Let's think about this from the point of view of what is best for the kid: do we really think something bad is going to happen to the kid on a short trip to Disney with grandmomma? The chances of that are next to zero. There are higher chances of the kid getting molested at school, or getting hit by a truck with mommy driving than that happening.
When we parent, lets us try to always remember what's best for the children, not our own egos. Glad to see the daughter changed her mind and put her ego aside.
Last edited by traderjoesfan2; 10-01-2012 at 10:53 AM..
The grandmother never said anything about the daughter being a pshycopath or abusive. If she was, she would be restricted from spending time with the kids, which she is not. Which tells me this is an issue about control. The daughter is one of those parents who wants to keep control over their kids 24-7, who wants the kid all to themselves and doesn't want to share the kid, or for the kid to like anyone more than her.
It's so pathetic that the ones who suffer in these situations is the kids. It's totally fine for the kid to go to school 8 hours a day and be cared for by complete strangers, but it's not okay for the kid to have a trip to Disney with grandma because the daughter doesn't want to share, or is jealous that she can't go, or is not taking the kid herself. Let's think about this from the point of view of what is best for the kid: do we really think something bad is going to happen to the kid on a short trip to Disney with grandmomma? The chances of that are next to zero. There are higher chances of the kid getting molested at school, or getting hit by a truck with mommy driving than that happening.
When we parent, lets us try to always remember what's best for the children, not our own egos. Glad to see the daughter changed her mind and put her ego aside.
I assume this is for me since I'm the one who used the words "abusive" and "psychopath". Read my post again. I was talking about the OP, the grand mother, not the mother of the children. Of course the OP didn't say "I'm an abusive psychopath and I don't understand why my daughter won't leave me alone with her kids." But she might be. The mom might have a very good reason for not leaving her kids with her mom. We don't know.
This is so confusing - is the daughter in fact 16 with kids? Or is the reference to 16 yr olds not liking their parents about something else?
OP, I want to say I think it's great that you love your grandchildren and want to spend time with them. I can understand how frustrating it must be that they act one way around their parents and another way around you when the parents aren't around. I'm trying to figure out why that is - that may be another issue altogether. I'm sure it's frustrating for your daughter too and may be part of the reason she doesn't want to be excluded.
I don't know the dynamics of your relationship, but I'm presuming there are some other issues at play here as well that have lead both of you to take your stance against eachother. I'm wondering if that's the case, can you resolve those issues with her as well? It just seems you are angry and fed up, and we don't know enough to be able to advise you properly. We also don't know why the daughter wouldn't want to leave her kids with you. Is she feeling threatened that they behave so well around you? Is there controlling issues between you two? It just seems like there is more to the story.
Personally, I let my daughter always be with her grandparents whenever they or she wanted too, but we also have a good relationship and don't have any big issues between us. Again, I think it's wonderful you want to be with your grandparents, I just feel that you and your daughter need to resolve things between you, and also find out what is at the root of the contrasting behavior of the grandchildren.
With all due respect, I sort of knew you would all respond with "well, they're HER kids, so put up or shut up."
Do you know how many parents in this world would DIE to have their mother (the grandma of their kids) be begging to take the kids out, no less on expensive out-of-town trips? My daughter is being a control freak nutjob, which I could better understand if I was some random person or relative. BUT I AM HER MOTHER. I SPEND TIME WITH THE KIDS ALL THE TIME, EVERY WEEK. I HAVE BEEN A PARENT. I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING. I would have DIED and gone to HEAVEN if my mother had wanted to spend as much time with my kids as I do my daughter's kids. And mind you, my daughter is always whining about how she doesn't get enough help, she has to "beg" for relatives to watch her kids (she only has me, no other extended family), she has it so rough, etc. So here I am, dying to take her kids to Disney, and she is having a panic attack. Thanks for the advice about having an honest convo, but the last time I tried that, it was all this yelling about how "insulted" she is that I don't want her to come along on some visits. You know what? I really don't need this. I am retired, I have money, I am in the golden time of my life. I really don't need to have to worry about this, get into an argument with my daughter, stress, put up with her attitude, put up with her grilling me every time I want to take the kids out, worry about how she will react before the trip, during the trip, after the trip, etc.
I will just simply have to limit my time with my grandchildren, and they will be the ones missing out. Their parents cannot afford to do the things (trips) I can afford. Very sad. Until they grow up, are 18, and decide that they hate their parents, and are able to spend time with me without having Adolf Hitler watching.
Wow! You seem to have no respect for your own daughter. I would not want someone who does not respect me as a parent taking my kids on outings without me. I don't care if they are a relative. I can't believe you are calling your own daughter a nutjob and Hitler and saying her kids will hate her when they grow up. Children can love their parents without being taken to Disney.
I also thought that you may be offending your daughter by suggesting you don't want to spend time with her--only the grandkids. Now after reading this post, it sounds like that thought is quite legitimate and justifiable since you don't seem to like your daughter very much.
Parents often have reasons other than "fear" for not allowing their children to go out with other relatives. One of the big ones may just be different values. If the daughter has different values than her mom, the daughter may not want her kids to be overly exposed to grandmom. After reading this post, it seems clear to me the daughter has reasons to be stressed about this issue.
Thanks to everyone who has messaged me in support of my wanting to spend time with the grandkids, with the mother (my daughter) or parents not present.
Just thought you'd all like to know that the Disney trip was a huge hit, the kids loved it, did not ask for the parents ONCE, no bad things happened, a flawless, wonderful 2 days, and most interesting: the mother did not call or text or email not even once asking about the kids. So clearly this was not an issue about the safety of the kids, or her not wanting them to spend time with someone who is "flawed" as some of you wrote about me, this was an issue about CONTROL and her wanting to be the one to take the kids to Disney, and her own ego being crushed at the thought that this trip did not focus on HER. This was her own self-centeredness taking over. And by the way, she is still sulking, not speaking to me, etc.
Hope not too many of you parents pull these kinds of stunts on your relatives/friends who are worthy enough to care for your kids, and who actually WANT to spend time with your kids. It is perfectly normal and HEALTHY for your kids to spend time with OTHER PEOPLE, to have bonding time with people other than yourself. My daughter is not intellectually mature enough to understand this. And this whole episode has taught me that I should never, ever suggest a solo trip or outing with the grandkids ever again.
Thanks to everyone who has messaged me in support of my wanting to spend time with the grandkids, with the mother (my daughter) or parents not present.
Just thought you'd all like to know that the Disney trip was a huge hit, the kids loved it, did not ask for the parents ONCE, no bad things happened, a flawless, wonderful 2 days, and most interesting: the mother did not call or text or email not even once asking about the kids. So clearly this was not an issue about the safety of the kids, or her not wanting them to spend time with someone who is "flawed" as some of you wrote about me, this was an issue about CONTROL and her wanting to be the one to take the kids to Disney, and her own ego being crushed at the thought that this trip did not focus on HER. This was her own self-centeredness taking over. And by the way, she is still sulking, not speaking to me, etc.
Hope not too many of you parents pull these kinds of stunts on your relatives/friends who are worthy enough to care for your kids, and who actually WANT to spend time with your kids. It is perfectly normal and HEALTHY for your kids to spend time with OTHER PEOPLE, to have bonding time with people other than yourself. My daughter is not intellectually mature enough to understand this.And this whole episode has taught me that I should never, ever suggest a solo trip or outing with the grandkids ever again.
Why? If the trip was a hit, why wouldn't you do it again?
You raised her. If she had issues, perhaps you should have done something to help her when she was younger instead of criticizing her now.
Just curious why you keep refering to your daughter as "the mother" instead of "my daughter" or "their mother"? "The mother" sounds very clinical and detatched.
Just curious why you keep refering to your daughter as "the mother" instead of "my daughter" or "their mother"? "The mother" sounds very clinical and detatched.
I noticed that too. Sounds to me like their relationship is not close at all, and maybe "the mother" is a little jealous or hurt that HER mother would rather spend time with the grandkids without her, or have a better relationship with them than she does with her own daughter. Just my impression, but the grandmother seems very cold toward her daughter. Seems like the easiest way to have a great relationship with grandchildren would be to try to have a great relationship with your own child.
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If the trip was a hit, why wouldn't you do it again? 
