My teenage daughter is smoking - need help, please (insurance, 13 years old, high school)
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I'm not worried about money and hopefully it will never come to this, but I went through it as a teen and it doesn't just happen in isolation. You make friends or you have a boyfriend. They're smoking, the kid starts smoking. I'm just not going to stand by and do nothing while the kid smokes. That method has been tried by millions of parents and it doesn't work. Hopefully, I will raise my daughter well enough so that she doesn't end up with loser friends to begin with.
Amen. That's the key. I was off smoking with the losers (and also always had a job of some sort since I was 12 so I had my own money, too) because my social skills were minimal and I had no self-esteem. I didn't fit in with the popular kids at school nor did I fit in with the youth group kids at church. They all knew things that I didn't know, and my family life was different from theirs. But the kids who hung out down the street were all a little different, too, and they seemed to like me. And so we all met and hung out and smoked cigarettes and I had a place with them that I couldn't have anywhere else.
I raised my daughter differently from the way I was raised. She is 21 and she isn't with the losers and she doesn't smoke.
This is a very important topic, for sure. There are a great many ways to try to quit, with varying degrees of success. But a person has to really want to quit.
If smoking is a rebellion, then maybe the secret to quitting for some is to make not smoking sound like a good rebellion. Then they can still seem cool to their friends, maybe.
Smoking can be caused by stress, boredom, etc. But if a best friend smokes, that increases chance of smoking by 15 times. If it's a large group where most smoke, not smoking can seem abnormal. The old term peer pressure is really self pressure, IMO. People succeeding in *forcing* their non-smoking friends to start are rare. Best wishes.
Last edited by Green Irish Eyes; 11-18-2012 at 05:07 PM..
Reason: Take the politics to P&OC
Help my child is smoking and diping she is 16 she just want stop I have take her iPhone for 6 weeks at time and now for good she lie to me and I find out about it on text info then she will tell the truth I went down the wrong road growing up and was a teen mom and now trying to live a Christian life and show her the right way what eles can I do she wants a car but I simple and to worried
Amen. That's the key. I was off smoking with the losers (and also always had a job of some sort since I was 12 so I had my own money, too) because my social skills were minimal and I had no self-esteem. I didn't fit in with the popular kids at school nor did I fit in with the youth group kids at church. They all knew things that I didn't know, and my family life was different from theirs. But the kids who hung out down the street were all a little different, too, and they seemed to like me. And so we all met and hung out and smoked cigarettes and I had a place with them that I couldn't have anywhere else.
I raised my daughter differently from the way I was raised. She is 21 and she isn't with the losers and she doesn't smoke.
We have the same story. I know off the bat I'm going to do things differently, but that's what happens with parents that may not be paying the attention they should, coming from a lower SES home. I want my daughter to work, but she's not going to end up at some fast food restaurant like I did and drinking under age and going to a crap high school. My plan for her is to volunteer somewhere I approve (science museum, hospital, farm, whatever) and I will pay her minimum wage. I was off on my own way too young. I had little parental guidance.
Help my child is smoking and diping she is 16 she just want stop I have take her iPhone for 6 weeks at time and now for good she lie to me and I find out about it on text info then she will tell the truth I went down the wrong road growing up and was a teen mom and now trying to live a Christian life and show her the right way what eles can I do she wants a car but I simple and to worried
^^ This girl is already 16, and suggestions on how to help her NOW is what the OP is seeking. ^^
Watching a tv commercial on this is not what I meant. I mean going to a hospital and getting to know even just 1, if not more, people dying of smoking related cancer. Then it is REAL. They know their name and get to know them as a person and care for them. When they see what these people go through and maybe even lose one of them to death, it might get it through their thick skulls.
Sorry, no. It doesn't do that. I have met a few people in my life who were dying from smoking. My GRANDFATHER died of emphysema, my favorite grandfather...it didn't do squat to stop me from smoking. Seeing people with the talking devices in their throat didn't stop me.
As Mightyqueen said, they don't think that far ahead. I sure as hell didn't. They know, just as she said, that it's not going to happen to them now, next year, five years from now, ten years from now. So it's NOT a big deal to them. Most of them don't think they'll be life long smokers, either. Guarantee you that!
What will make them quit is when something affects THEM, personally. I'm living proof of that...it had to affect me with a short run before I realized, hey, this stuff isn't that great after all. No matter how much I actually enjoy it, yes, I enjoy it, no matter how many photos, stories, people I've known, none of that made any affect on me whatsoever. It was a run for a job...THAT is what woke me up. Heck, I even have a thread about that in the Health and Wellness forum.
How to get her to stop? Well, does she like to run? Does she do track? Does she ski? Does she swim? What activities does she like to do? Is there any thing like that? Maybe she can go take a run after smoking and see the difference.
Or maybe you could take a blouse of hers, that she wore while smoking, and not wash it. Have her smell it one day.
It is really hard to show a teen why smoking and dipping, (gross), is bad...it truly is not easy. The only thing I've ever heard when I was little is what someone posted earlier...the parents found out their kid was smoking, (11 years old...wth?), and made the kid smoke cigarette after cigarette until he got sick...and I mean, sick, throw up sick. Kid never touched another after that.
^^ This girl is already 16, and suggestions on how to help her NOW is what the OP is seeking. ^^
Thanks.
Of course. I thought the message was clear, but perhaps it needs to be spelled out more simply.
What OP might want to do is sit down and talk to her daughter about why she feels she has to do the things she's doing--does she only feel accepted with those types of people and not with people who don't smoke/"dip"? Why? What are her daughter's plans for the future--where does she see herself? And are the people she is hanging out with now going to be the best companions on a long-term basis?
Communication and the most important message of all-that the mother cares about HER--might be the only key to resolving this issue.
Sorry, no. It doesn't do that. I have met a few people in my life who were dying from smoking. My GRANDFATHER died of emphysema, my favorite grandfather...it didn't do squat to stop me from smoking. Seeing people with the talking devices in their throat didn't stop me.
As Mightyqueen said, they don't think that far ahead. I sure as hell didn't. They know, just as she said, that it's not going to happen to them now, next year, five years from now, ten years from now. So it's NOT a big deal to them. Most of them don't think they'll be life long smokers, either. Guarantee you that!
What will make them quit is when something affects THEM, personally. I'm living proof of that...it had to affect me with a short run before I realized, hey, this stuff isn't that great after all. No matter how much I actually enjoy it, yes, I enjoy it, no matter how many photos, stories, people I've known, none of that made any affect on me whatsoever. It was a run for a job...THAT is what woke me up. Heck, I even have a thread about that in the Health and Wellness forum.
How to get her to stop? Well, does she like to run? Does she do track? Does she ski? Does she swim? What activities does she like to do? Is there any thing like that? Maybe she can go take a run after smoking and see the difference.
Or maybe you could take a blouse of hers, that she wore while smoking, and not wash it. Have her smell it one day.
It is really hard to show a teen why smoking and dipping, (gross), is bad...it truly is not easy. The only thing I've ever heard when I was little is what someone posted earlier...the parents found out their kid was smoking, (11 years old...wth?), and made the kid smoke cigarette after cigarette until he got sick...and I mean, sick, throw up sick. Kid never touched another after that.
One of my friends got caught smoking when she was 16. Her mother gave her a choice--eat the cigarette right then and there (after crushing it out) or be grounded for a week. She ate the cigarette.
One of my friends got caught smoking when she was 16. Her mother gave her a choice--eat the cigarette right then and there (after crushing it out) or be grounded for a week. She ate the cigarette.
I don't remember, but I know she wasn't smoking as an adult.
The thing is--the mother still smoked herself at the time (quit years ago now). She didn't want her kids to take up the habit.
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