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One of my best friends is White, and the father is Black. This baby was totally unexpected, they were not in relationship and they don't even talk all that much anymore. The baby is really cute, almost a year old now and she has done a great job so far, the little girl is very precious
Anyways, she has done whatever she can to keep this baby away from the "Black" side of the family. The baby has a very "White" name and has had very little contact with the Dad and his in-laws. I was talking to her the other day and she was like "Well, I don't want them teaching her any ignorant, ghetto ****".
Anyways, my friend is one of the least racist people I know- BUT I can understand her concern. At the same time, I feel like the Dad's family should be able to see the baby too. I have to say, the father does not have much to offer this child anyways, he smokes weed, drinks heavily, has not been involved in her life since day 1 and he was recently diagnosed with cancer, so he may not even live much longer. In a way, I understand her concerns and it has nothing to do with his race. Thoughts?
My thought is your friend is in no position to judge anyone else.
Let's see what we know: She didn't use birth control, even though she was having sex. She was having sex with a guy she wasn't even in a relationship with. She made a baby with a man who has a family but she thinks his family is ignorant and ghetto. So he was the one achiever in the family who went to Yale and had a great job? Whoops, apparently not because he smokes dope and drinks heavily. So I'll guess he's not taking the subway to work in the Financial District every morning.
She wasn't exactly discerning was she?
However because of her apparent choice to have a good time she now has a child. And the father of that child has a family. And, whether she (or you) likes it or not, there are undoubtedly responsible people in that family who would love to have that child in their lives. And they'll probably be better influences than the mother who made a really lousy choice on whom to climb into bed with.
BTW: Who are these "in-laws"? Does the dad have in-laws? In which case it sounds like your friend was bedding a married man. Interesting choice.
This child could loose her father. She shouldn't have to loose half her family as well. Tell Mom to start acting like an adult not the immature "not racist" party girl who decided to get into bed with someone she barely knew. Poor child. Gah, I feel sorry for innocent kids who have to pay for the mistakes their parents make.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 11-24-2012 at 02:34 PM..
Your friend needs to learn not to equate "ghetto" with "black". That wold be step one.
Step 2 is that her daughter's blackness cannot be ignored, wished away, or breeded out of her. Sooner or later her daughter will have to deal with the reality of how the world reacts to people who appear to be of African descent. That process is more likely to go well if she has positive black role models to help her. Otherwise she's taking her chances that her daughter will sort it all out in a positive way. That is not a guarantee.
Step 3... Nobody's family is perfect. Give them a chance. Learning how to love people flaws and all, and get that same love back, is what family is supposed to be for. She's going to hear it all anyway, one way or another.
Step 4... Learn how to deal with that child's hair ASAP. Her mom needs some black female friends for that alone. LOL
ETA: I totally agree that a chick who is going around raw dogging a loser she's not even seriously seeing isn't in a position to be judging anyone else. Girl needs a reality check.
Hopefully this girl will grow up and love herself (all of herself). I think it's important that her mom raises her in a neighborhood that has all kinds of people, and that she attends schools where she is not the only biracial child in a sea of blondes. Our elementary school was not very diverse, so if the third grade was made up of 4 classes and there were maybe 5 black students in the entire grade, the school would make sure that 3 kids were together in one class and 2 in the other. (just an example), so that each child saw someone with a similar race as them in class. This is not ideal, but not every school will be perfectly balanced. I noticed they did the same with the small group of Asians as well. I think every kid needs to see someone in their lives who sort of looks like them (more or less).
As for the family, I don't get why she thinks the black side of the family will tell her daughter bad things about white people. If these people are decent they will embrace this child and her mom.
Your friend sounds like a piece of work. Maybe she should have only screwed white eagle scouts then she wouldn't have these worries. If you have sex with a loser he may end up being a loser father regardless of his race.
One of my best friends is White, and the father is Black. This baby was totally unexpected, they were not in relationship and they don't even talk all that much anymore. The baby is really cute, almost a year old now and she has done a great job so far, the little girl is very precious
Anyways, she has done whatever she can to keep this baby away from the "Black" side of the family. The baby has a very "White" name and has had very little contact with the Dad and his in-laws. I was talking to her the other day and she was like "Well, I don't want them teaching her any ignorant, ghetto ****".
Anyways, my friend is one of the least racist people I know- BUT I can understand her concern. At the same time, I feel like the Dad's family should be able to see the baby too. I have to say, the father does not have much to offer this child anyways, he smokes weed, drinks heavily, has not been involved in her life since day 1 and he was recently diagnosed with cancer, so he may not even live much longer. In a way, I understand her concerns and it has nothing to do with his race. Thoughts?
Regardless of race a mother has no right to keep a child from their parent/grandparents as long as the caregivers are keeping the child safe and cared for.
Race is a very important factor here, regardless of what you think. One of the concerns that she has, is his family trying to teach her negative things about Whites--this is one of her main concerns and I don't want her mind polluted with this ignorant garbage either/
You mean like the negative things she said about the "black side" of this child's family?
Quote:
I know a kid who was in a similar situation-he is 20 years old now- he was raised by a White Mom, black Dad was totally absent. He grew up in a White neighborhood- deep inside, he knows he is "different", he may even tell people that he is "Black" but culturally he can't even relate to most Black people.
And that is a good thing? My child and siblings are all bi or multiracial. It would be a tragedy if they could not relate to their heritage, or all sides, and a failure on the child's parents part.
Quote:
He just married a White girl and I think her daughter may turn out like this guy- he is aware of being "Black" or "different" but unable to relate to most Black people because the White half/influences were stronger.
And how is it remotely a positive to have a child completely unable to related to half their heritage?
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