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I asked her her side of the story. She worries that he won't be able to handle college work( and if he goes to a 4 year school, the party/work balance). She does stand by the whole " plenty of time to work when you're older "idea. She was trying to get him to enjoy his summer and was going to use her connections until she got yelled at. She sees him as " ungrateful" for all the sacrifices she's made before he was born until now." I told her that I had talked to him and he felt infantilized by her and asked if she'd apologize. She said "no". I asked her why she always locks the door and hides in our room. According to her, no one can hurt her feelings when she's alone and she can have a good cry and reflection
Its funny how you sat there and ask your wife if she would apologized. Whereas after your son just told you of how his mother tried to discourage him about college and job, you totally guilt tripped your son and tried to force him to apologize and to "thank" her. That's just morbid.
I don't understand why she's so worried about him enjoying his summer. 18 year olds are plenty capable of working and enjoying their free time. Some of the best times I ever had were when I was waiting tables and going out with my coworkers afterward.
I don't understand why she's so worried about him enjoying his summer. 18 year olds are plenty capable of working and enjoying their free time. Some of the best times I ever had were when I was waiting tables and going out with my coworkers afterward.
I know! He's too old for playdates and running through the sprinkler!
She's probably simultaneously jealous that she didn't get to take the path he's about to take and afraid that he will end up on the path SHE took.
I know! He's too old for playdates and running through the sprinkler!
She's probably simultaneously jealous that she didn't get to take the path he's about to take and afraid that he will end up on the path SHE took.
It's a painful place to be as a mom.
I wonder if there is something about him being the same age they were when their lives changed so drastically. Not to belabor the point, but it's the kind of thing therapy would really help.
Its funny how you sat there and ask your wife if she would apologized. you totally guilt tripped your son and tried to force him to apologize and to "thank" her.
I just wanted him to apologize for calling her lazy
I don't understand why she's so worried about him enjoying his summer. 18 year olds are plenty capable of working and enjoying their free time. Some of the best times I ever had were when I was waiting tables and going out with my coworkers afterward.
Getting a job and going to school is a definite threat to the status quo and I think that her saying that about enjoying his summer is just an excuse to keep things the way they are. She is so manipulative.
Irish- your wife needs some serious counseling. Her thought processes are unbelievable. Now she is playing martyr.
She wants your son to be thankful for what she went through before he was born ?? What in the world ? That's like saying to a child you must be forever grateful because I had morning sickness, my legs swelled up and I had to spend the last month in bed before you were born; or making the child responsible because she had a child young and people may have looked down on her for that. Now because of that, for the rest of his life, he must bow down and kiss her feet. See how I suffered for you- boo-hoo, now kiss my feet . Sheesh!
Once again, it's all about her. She's going to be the martyr so she can manipulate and control your son as she does you. Do you and she understand that the child has no part in what happened before he was born or in his early formative years. You and she chose to have sex, the two of you chose to become pregnant, to carry the child to term , to marry young. This is not your son's problem. When she goes off like this, you really should snap her back to reality.
This is not how an adult thinks. Some how along the line, she stopped developing emotionally and got stuck in teen age years. Yes, all parents worry about kids going off to college. Who wouldn't. So many temptations, so many choices to make. But you have to let go as parents. He's an adult- he can walk out the door any time he likes.
More things for you to talk about at counseling. And by the way, no gift, no dinner, no anything from you for locking herself in her room. Remind her that she does not need a good cry, she had nothing to cry over. Your son got mouthy- she needs to learn to better respond to that. Better she should have said -
" you're getting a little loud and out of line, let's both calm down and try to discuss this as adults. You tell me what you're thinking and then I'll tell you what I'm thinking" Then discuss as adults.
No more door slamming, locking doors, crying jags, etc. It's not adult behavior.
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I just wanted him to apologize for calling her lazy
Irish, this is REALLY about the most insignificant point of the entire argument. You are worried about the wrong thing.
Just LET IT GO this time. Your son needs to feel what it's like to assert himself, and your wife needs to stew in her own juices for a while.
If he does it again, yes call him on the rudeness. But allow him to stand up for himself and follow a reasonable plan he comes up with.
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