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Old 06-03-2013, 04:03 PM
 
Location: Dallas
5,647 posts, read 5,145,478 times
Reputation: 16816

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It's not too late. Tell her how you feel. You are 50% of this relationship and as such, how you feel is important. The price you are paying for keeping the peace short term isn't good for you in the long run.

 
Old 06-03-2013, 04:03 PM
 
7,483 posts, read 13,581,850 times
Reputation: 9315
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
I'm sorry to say, I changed the topic
You've certainly sent your wife a lot of mixed messages.

I can only hope that with counseling you will learn tools to empower yourself to move forward.

But yes, at this point... You really need to start thinking of what you expect and want out of this marriage. I get that you're hoping the romance will come back and everything be back to "normal"... but as long as you have the lines of communication down it'll never right itself. Your wife will use your need/hope for love and romance as a manipulation tool against you. And you will never be satisfied with what you have. Its a recipe for a miserable marriage.
 
Old 06-03-2013, 04:23 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
46,443 posts, read 44,757,316 times
Reputation: 90884
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
You disappoint with almost every update.
I agree, and I can't understand how people here are contributing what amounts to thousands of dollars worth of advice, literally, and yet your updates seem to get WORSE.

As someone else has said, a pleasant evening does not = a good marriage.

You have seen how she can change her behavior to determine whether or not you have a pleasant evening anyway.

Are you happy with your marriage?

If not, do you want to change it???

If yes, remember you BOTH have to change.

She won't change without therapy.

If she refuses therapy, YOU NEED TO LEAVE or live in your miserable set-up and be quiet about it, like you've been doing all this time.
 
Old 06-03-2013, 04:41 PM
 
Location: here
24,841 posts, read 30,867,312 times
Reputation: 32481
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
I kept my promise to her and told her that i wanted to go out and have a nice dinner last night. I tried to keep things light hearted. She looked really beautiful and i told her she did multiple times( this made her blush). Turns out my son's Chicago trip was uneventful. She spent her weekend rotating between sitting in a bathtub and sleeping.The place we went was quiet and real romantic. Like I said, it was lighthearted and we spent our time reminiscing about our early dating years. She proceeded to drop a bomb on me " Sweetie, I don't want to go to therapy anymore." We don't need it, look at us, having dinner together, being nice to each other, we don't need it, we're fine". As I've said before, counseling helps my peace of mind and I hope and feel that my son feels the same way.
She proceeded with an overloaded amount of puppy dog eyes and lip pouting. She proceeded to ask me if I was going to make her go. I told her that she was a grown woman who could make her own choices but that I would still be going to marriage counseling( alone) and family counseling with him. She was pretty bubbly the rest of the night seeing as how she got out of counseling. She went so far as to tell me, when we got home, that I could give her a kiss, because I had " earned it." When we got home at around 1( after dinner and just driving around) he was just watching TV alone on the couch with his feet on the coffee table( no feet on the table is kind of a rule but not a serious offense) she yelled at him for being awake and having his feet up. I really see no justification for her anger, he's 18 and the table was no big deal. She told him to go to his room and she would deal with him in the morning. They were sleeping when I left so I have no ida what she said to him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
I'm sorry to say, I changed the topic
I'm sorry too. That's when you should have told her that you don't think you are fine, that one half way decent dinner does not mean you are fine. Her behavior with the puppy eyes and the pouting, and the "you earned a kiss" absolutely disgusts me. If you had a single ounce of self respect, it would disgust you too.

By now you've kissed her a$$ so many times, that threatening to leave her would come way out of left field. I don't even know what to tell you. I think one day enough will be enough, and you will find it in yourself to stand up to her. Apparently being told to here isn't going to make it happen. Until you've had enough, she'll continue to walk all over you. You are the only one who can stop it.
 
Old 06-03-2013, 04:49 PM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 754,220 times
Reputation: 343
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
Her behavior with the puppy eyes and the pouting, and the "you earned a kiss" absolutely disgusts me. If you had a single ounce of self respect, it would disgust you too.
It did disgust me. Why should I have to "earn" a kiss with my wife?
 
Old 06-03-2013, 04:51 PM
 
6,483 posts, read 10,188,013 times
Reputation: 10985
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
It did disgust me
So why in heck didn't you tell her? I think you really like this...I bet your situation isn't even real.
 
Old 06-03-2013, 04:54 PM
 
Location: here
24,841 posts, read 30,867,312 times
Reputation: 32481
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
It did disgust me. Why should I have to "earn" a kiss with my wife?
So what did you say?
 
Old 06-03-2013, 04:55 PM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 754,220 times
Reputation: 343
I didn't tell her because I was telling her that she is a grown woman and if she decides to not go to counseling than that is her (bad) decision
 
Old 06-03-2013, 04:57 PM
 
Location: here
24,841 posts, read 30,867,312 times
Reputation: 32481
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
I didn't tell her because I was telling her that she is a grown woman and if she decides to not go to counseling than that is her (bad) decision
It is a bad decision, but she seems to be ok with things, so why should she go? She knows you won't leave, and she knows she can continue to bat her eyes and get what she wants from you. What is the consequence going to be?
 
Old 06-03-2013, 05:10 PM
 
Location: Dallas
5,647 posts, read 5,145,478 times
Reputation: 16816
I wonder if the OP would put up with this if his wife was unattractive or plain. Is having a beautiful wife some kind of ego boost or status thing? There has to be some kind of payoff for him to put up with this type of treatment.
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