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Attachment parenting/natural parenting based on mammal biology doesn't mean that a mother needs to burn herself out. It is quite obvious to me that you only have one young child, the others must be quite a bit older. This OP needs practical solutions, not told that he screwed up by having (gasp!) a 3rd child!!! Because mother nature designed for us to naturally have several more than that, so mother nature can't be all that stupid if we are trusting her design in the first place.
The new bed arrives this week and we plan on making a very big deal of the new "big boy" bed. He'll also be in the same room as his older brother to help the transistion. I plan on sleeping in there with him (without mom hopefully) for awhile and gradually transitioning to less and less time until he's able to sleep in there without us with little issue.
Another poster also suggested making their room a fun place where they have the freedom to play at bedtime until they fall asleep on their own. This seems easier at first as the PU/PD game is very difficult when you're forcing them to lay down time after time.
Such controversy over this, I think it's been a very interesting discussion!
The other concern which I dont believe anyone has mentioned yet with co-sleeping, is the fear of rolling over on top of your kids. At 2, that's far less likely, but just another reason to not have your little ones in bed with you.
And yes, rolling can be an issue~ I never found it to be until my toddler always wanted to sleep on my breast side - but when the newborn came, of course, that is where the newborn had to be. Pro bedsharing guidelines still state toddler must not be on a side with the newborn as they can be quite dangerous to the new baby, hence, should be on daddy's side. Again, a more practical reason as to why there is nothing wrong with him forming a stronger bond with daddy so that mommy can realistically devote more time to the newborn. of course, if this is your 3rd, you guys already know this. I think sometimes people forget or just plain don't realize how hard it can be to balance the needs of several children. Easy to let the world revolve around one child.
And yes, rolling can be an issue~ I never found it to be until my toddler always wanted to sleep on my breast side - but when the newborn came, of course, that is where the newborn had to be. Pro bedsharing guidelines still state toddler must not be on a side with the newborn as they can be quite dangerous to the new baby, hence, should be on daddy's side. Again, a more practical reason as to why there is nothing wrong with him forming a stronger bond with daddy so that mommy can realistically devote more time to the newborn. of course, if this is your 3rd, you guys already know this. I think sometimes people forget or just plain don't realize how hard it can be to balance the needs of several children. Easy to let the world revolve around one child.
It's amazing how different our kids behave 1-on-1 with me or my wife. Our 2 yr old has zero issues sleeping when my wife is out of town and it's just me and him all weekend. This is our glimmer of hope for this situation. By removing my wife from the sleeping arrangement all together, it may make this a lot easier once we're in the new bed in the new room. He definitely doesn't need to be touching my face to sleep, he's very chill with me and just goes right to sleep. A mother's bond is a magical thing!
My toddler was the same, he now prefers to sleep with daddy if given the chance. Around 2-3 (esp around 3) is when boys seem to move from mommy to daddy as centre of the world (and it's gets stronger at 3,4,5+) so all you are doing is encouraging a natural transition where he goes from mommy the world/nurturer to becoming a kid whose daddy can beat up your daddy, right?
Around age 2 is all about starting a weaning process, not sure why some get so bent out of shape that mommy doesn't have to be the centre of the universe anymore by then. I don't know any women with more than 1 kid who keep that up for years and years after babyhood, even in my own attachment parenting mom's groups.
That's rough. I think it's important for parents to maintain their special relationship. Glad she eventually slept in her own bed. I wonder why you slept with the second baby when you already knew it could develop into another child who wouldn't leave your bed.
Your assumption is that I saw it as a problem that my daughter, at not quite 3 years old, still wanted to co-sleep. Rather, I saw this as a normal and age-appropriate behavior. I never thought that if my kid was still co-sleeping at age 3, that it meant that she would *never* sleep on her own.
I had resisted co-sleeping with her at first when she was a newborn though, because mainstream culture tries to tell us that co-sleeping is not only spoiling, but dangerous. But once I started doing it, I found that it greatly improved my quality of life. And that's why I chose to do it again with my second, right from the start. It meant I got more sleep obviously, and it made breastfeeding overnight easier, and it meant that I got more close time with her after I was back to work, and it even made pumping at work easier because she needed less milk at daycare since she ate more overnight. And it just felt right for my baby to sleep next to me. I co-slept by choice, not out of desperation.
Such controversy over this, I think it's been a very interesting discussion!
Controversy and parenting go hand-in-hand because not every technique works for every family/child. Sit back, absorb the ideas and then decide what is best for your family and your child and then never feel the need to justify that choice OR impose it upon others.
1 - Huge upgrade for our older son, he absolutely loves it
2 - Little guy had a really tough time, but eventually slept, but woke numerous times
3 - Sleeping on the floor sucks
We tried to get him to sleep on the bottom bunk with just me in there to start. He cried for mom hysterically to the point of puking. At about 45 minutes, mom came in just to console and lay him back down. Probably not the best move, but I don't believe we should unconditionally let him go to the point of vomitting to get him to not be near mom at night cold turkey.
We both slept in there, not in the bed, but were there when he woke frantically looking for one of us. I consider it a small step in the right direction. It's the first night EVER he didn't sleep in our bed, so that's something. It's going to be a long hard road before he sleeps in there voluntarily without at least one of us around. Older brother does indeed help. They both slept much later than normal and were all smiles this morning when they woke without us in there.
1 - Huge upgrade for our older son, he absolutely loves it
2 - Little guy had a really tough time, but eventually slept, but woke numerous times
3 - Sleeping on the floor sucks
We tried to get him to sleep on the bottom bunk with just me in there to start. He cried for mom hysterically to the point of puking. At about 45 minutes, mom came in just to console and lay him back down. Probably not the best move, but I don't believe we should unconditionally let him go to the point of vomitting to get him to not be near mom at night cold turkey.
We both slept in there, not in the bed, but were there when he woke frantically looking for one of us. I consider it a small step in the right direction. It's the first night EVER he didn't sleep in our bed, so that's something. It's going to be a long hard road before he sleeps in there voluntarily without at least one of us around. Older brother does indeed help. They both slept much later than normal and were all smiles this morning when they woke without us in there.
One thing to consider, if you haven't. Is it possible or likely that YOU have made such a Big Fat Deal out of it, that he is feeding off you?
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