Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My daughter is almost 15. She is a good kid in every way except one.... She's developed a habit of staying up very late. We live in a small apartment and, all night, all I hear is her going back/forth to the kitchen, opening the fridge, taking something (milk or juice), going back to her room, dancing, click-click-click on the computer, etc etc etc.
Last night, I was up until after 3am with this! I kept telling her to GO TO BED! She would quiet down for a while but then back to the nonsense. She actually stayed up all night and didn't go to sleep until 10pm tonight.
I am not getting a good night's sleep at all. I find myself constantly waking up all night long to tell her to turn off lights, get out of kitchen, go to bed, etc etc etc. This isn't something that just developed over the summer ---- she would do it a few times a week during the school year, too.
I am at my wits end with this. I need to be able to sleep without worrying about her leaving the fridge open or drinking a gallon of milk in one day or cooking something and falling asleep while it's cooking and causing a fire. I've considered a lock on the fridge and the pantry, but that just doesn't sit right with me.
Any constructive thoughts or suggestions??
First of all, as a parent, you should not be having to stay up until 3am to deal with a teen that can't follow directions. I would do what your child does not want you to do, correct her and if she can't follow directions then take out the stuff that is "keeping her up", that includes a cell phone if necessary. You will see how quick she goes to bed then.
Btw, don't listen to all those that say use earplugs. You are the parent, it's YOUR apt, and you shouldn't have to do that. Your place, your rules.
I used to be up late at night when I was a teen. In my case, it was the only time I had to myself after homework and chores and taking care of my younger sisters. My mom also kept it too warm to sleep comfortably.
I have the wifi set to turn off between 1am and 6 am at my house. If hubby or I happens to be staying up late and needs to use it, it's easy for me to override, but that way I don't have kids up all night watching Netflix or playing Candy Crush. During the school year, it is definitely my business how late they're up and mine are a little young to be using the internet with no adult supervision.
that's awesome, how do you get it to do that? It does it automatically?
You've got a 15-year-old who does everything right but wanders your apartment at night (rather than sneaking out) - cherish that. <snip>
You need to relax. She needs to be quieter. Work on a solution based on that.
^^^This.
The things I was doing at 15? Well, I wasn't waking my mom up often because I wasn't in the house at all, and she had no idea.
When I was home though, my mother has always been a light sleeper. She was always yelling at me to go to bed. It didn't change the fact that I was (and am) a night owl and not tired. I did try very hard to stay quiet and not wake her but to this day, if I go stay at her house, I cannot even get up to use the restroom without her waking and calling out to me about why I am up at such and such hour. She hears everything!
True story; when I was sixteen I once tried to sneak a beer (of hers), at about 1am. She was upstairs in her bedroom and I was downstairs in the kitchen. She heard the beer opening! Busted.
It sounds like this is about a light sleeper and a night owl trying to peacefully live together and that would be my focus. Not necessarily focusing on making her go to bed.
If you think that the internet is feeding this (and it probably is; my 15 year old will stay up until he is falling asleep AT his computer, because he is talking to friends online), then you could always just turn off your modem or router after a certain time. Tell her she can be up but she must be quiet, reading or drawing or something similarly chill.
I think that by 15 she should already understand why she shouldn't drink all the milk though, whether or not you are up to monitor her about it. I haven't had to monitor the food consumption with my older kids for a very long time. The 10 year old cannot be trusted in this manner but the older ones, yes, and for a long time now they have understood that we have to make stuff last and have enough for everyone. Maybe that comes from having 3 kids in the house? I dunno.
Likewise perhaps you can restrict her snacks to things that don't need to be cooked if you are concerned about safety in that regard.
I would try and reach some middle ground with her. Now if she is defiant -- not necessarily by staying up, but by drinking all the milk, cooking, dancing around noisily, whatever, then you need to look at some sort of consequence for disregarding your wishes. My 15 year old son has his own computer, gift from his father, and he has a wireless adapter and that is the only way for him to get internet on his computer. I haven't had to take the adapter yet -- but I'm not afraid to if it's needed, and he knows it. He'd rather have his toenails ripped out one by one with pliers.
Oh and a fan helps me tremendously. In fact I am now unable to sleep as easily without that white noise.
Does she feel she is getting enough sleep, or is she trying to go to sleep and is unable? I think it's important to know whether she is having trouble sleeping, whether her schedule is out of whack, or if she is making the choice not to sleep because it's something she can control and perhaps a time when her friends are available.
I have a 16 yo who has trouble getting to sleep, but not by choice - she would rather sleep. We have been working on the causes, which among other things has involved sort of 'leading a horse to water' in regard to educating her about how electronics and certain foods can be stimulating, and how to have a bedtime routine, and what happens to your brain and body without adequate sleep. In our case, she does not disturb others in the house.
From my point of view, your situation is actually three situations - the sleeping, the being inconsiderate, and the late-night snacking.
You're not going to be able to force her to sleep. You can help her work on ways to get more sleep if she wants to. You can enact consequences for not sleeping, such as not driving, etc. I would think carefully about restricting access to friends at a time when friends are very important.
Disturbing you when she is awake is something she can absolutely avoid, and she is being inconsiderate. IF she is using sleep as a way to explore her autonomy, I wonder if you might have more success treating this as separate from sleeping.
As for the milk, etc., I have two teens, and I found that some groceries caused bickering over who was "hogging" it, so for these groceries I buy them each one, label it, and when they use theirs, it's gone (they have thus far not dipped into their sibling's bottle, etc.) This also had the effect of them being much more aware of how much they were using , because they were the ones affected if they used it all up right away, and it tends to last much longer. Doing this with the milk might be worth a try. But you also might consider doing some research together about what foods have an effect on sleep - she may make more informed decisions with the info coming from another source than her mom.
Don't lock up the food. This tells her 1) you don't trust her, 2) she has no self control about food, and 3) eating is something to feel bad about. Teen girls don't need these feelings mixed up with food and eating. Of course, you have control over what you buy.
I think it's very normal for kids at that age to become night owls. I remember liking to be up most of the night. I have zero problem with kids staying up as long as they're safe and sound in the house.
As for the milk, I suspect she needs the calcium for her bone growth. Kids can go through a whole lot of milk when they're growing. Way way better than drinking a lot of soft drinks -- or beer.
She sounds just fine, and if I were her parent, I would just adapt. If anything it can be easier to sleep when someone is "standing guard". Also -- choose your battles.
How about a white noise machine for your room? They're annoying at first but once you get used to it it should help. I think I would definitely cut the internet at night. Does she sleep very late? I would wake her up if she's staying up all night and sleeping until the afternoon. Does she have enough to keep her active during the day? If she's just a night owl you have to compromise. She is rapidly becoming an adult that you have to share a house with - you're asking her to make changes but you won't even close your door.
I would limit electronics after a certain time. Maybe take away the computer and phone at 11:00 or whenever you want to go to bed. Really, young teens should not have unlimited, unsupervised Internet access in the wee hours of the morning anyway. I'd also enforce a wakeup time, particularly since school will be stating soon. (Well, it will be here, anyway.) If she's getting up at 7:00 or 8:00, then this fascination with staying up all night should fizzle out pretty quickly.
That said, teens do stay up later than adults a lot of the time, because their circadian rhythms are different. Shut your door and don't worry about her leaving the fridge open or drinking all of the milk. A 15-year-old should be old enough to not do these things; she's not six. Tell her no cooking once you go to bed, and if she breaks that rule, then impose a consequence.
I bet limiting the computer will help, though. She'll likely get bored and go to sleep.
First of all, as a parent, you should not be having to stay up until 3am to deal with a teen that can't follow directions. I would do what your child does not want you to do, correct her and if she can't follow directions then take out the stuff that is "keeping her up", that includes a cell phone if necessary. You will see how quick she goes to bed then.
Btw, don't listen to all those that say use earplugs. You are the parent, it's YOUR apt, and you shouldn't have to do that. Your place, your rules.
She is by the OP's own admission an excellently behaved and responsible child. If OP wants to provoke a rebellion, an uncompromising "my house, my rules" stance on something as personal as her daughter's sleep schedule is a pretty good way to do it. This is the time for the daughter to learn to self-regulate - before she leaves the house. Parents are, or should be, the final authority in their own home, but they need to be open to compromise and use that final authority wisely - otherwise it's just dictatorship, and that never ends well.
Parents need to demonstrate a willingness to compromise and negotiate, because those are vital skills to for their children to learn as they enter adulthood. Compromise and negotiation are things that happen between peers for the most part, and her daughter's otherwise mature and responsible behavior warrants the OP approaching her with a more "peer-oriented" attitude than if the child was overall disobedient and irresponsible.
I stick by my original assertion: Daughter needs to be more courteous and thoughtful (something MOST 15-year-olds need to learn). Mother needs to look for ways to offer some accommodation of her daughter's schedule preferences.
This sounds like me when I was younger. I don't know how many times since I've moved out that my mother told me she buys so much less milk and food without me living there. I would come home from school and drink at least four cups of whole milk almost every single day for awhile and eat an entire big bag of microwave popcorn. I would also be up all hours of the night, walking around, watching TV, eating, etc. I was never fat but I was a big eater for a girl. In retrospect, I wish my parents never let me have a TV or computer in my room---it really affected me in a negative way.
I don't really have any advice for you I was just relating to your daughter. I did grow out of it. I used to be able to stay up late, stay out all night with my friends and function on barely any sleep---now I can't do any of that and I'm not even in my 30s yet.
I do think that the fan and cutting off the internet at night is a good idea. Maybe another conversation about courtesy and house rules.
Funny, no one even asked exactly what the girl is doing on the computer into the wee hours of the night. Yes, she's a good kid. Does all her chores, etc etc. OK. I know! Their phones are now as powerful as their computers!! Mom, Are you monitoring your daughter's computer exploits? Who is she talking with? Is she gaming? You might want to see what is keeping her up all night on the computer. Figure out the source. If she's writing a book, that's a different story.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Well, I wasn't waking my mom up often because I wasn't in the house at all, and she had no idea. 
