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Do not have a kid to fix your marriage, change your life, get out of depression, get you aunt's inheritance, plan for the apocalypse, etc.
And, I suspect, that being pregnant or having a newborn or toddler can be a real problem during a Zombie Apocalypse.
All kidding aside, having children do not solve problems but can result in many, more problems (especially with finances, jobs, leisure activities, & friendships).
BTW I'm a parent of two adults and I love being a parent.
Ive heard it from quite a few people, that having a child or two, seeing how life is created, can wipe out what people are going through, sadness, depression, their past, etc.
i want to hear your story, because i have been going through tons of family problems, my past with abuse, and i cant snap out of it, and people around me just says "wait until you have a kid, then talk to me again, probably all you will talk about by then is your kid"
No, please consider a pet first as you can always rethink that decision at a later time...
Ive heard it from quite a few people, that having a child or two, seeing how life is created, can wipe out what people are going through, sadness, depression, their past, etc.
i want to hear your story, because i have been going through tons of family problems, my past with abuse, and i cant snap out of it, and people around me just says "wait until you have a kid, then talk to me again, probably all you will talk about by then is your kid"
I gave a quick answer earlier, but I wanted to come back and expand on it. I have never, ever heard anyone say anything close to "having a kid can wipe out your problems."
I had been married for 4 years and was 30 years old when we had our first child. It was planned. We had good jobs and a house and a happy marriage. After my son was born I became depressed. I didn't recognize it as depression and left it untreated for 7 years. All of a sudden, my hormones were whacked, I had this new person living in my house who never slept and cried all the time. I was frustrated because I couldn't soothe him. As he got older, he clearly preferred my husband to me. My husband didn't understand why I was so unhappy. He was sick all the time, so I had a terrible time trying to balance work and motherhood. I argued with my husband about discipline. My mother was critical of my parenting. My son was a challenge.
Having a baby will not fix your problems. If anything, it will make them worse. I love my kids, but they certainly haven't solved life's problems. They've created new ones.
ETA I think you may be misunderstanding what your friend said. I take it to mean "If you think things are hard now, just wait until you have kids." You can't walk away from the drama your own kids bring. It is yours.
Ive heard it from quite a few people, that having a child or two, seeing how life is created, can wipe out what people are going through, sadness, depression, their past, etc.
I never heard of anything like that and strongly disagree. Children can bring their own problems and stresses into a person's life. It isn't fair to the child to be brought into the world expecting it to help it's parent/s with their own problems. You can see how life is created right on YouTube.
Quote:
i want to hear your story, because i have been going through tons of family problems, my past with abuse, and i cant snap out of it, and people around me just says "wait until you have a kid, then talk to me again, probably all you will talk about by then is your kid"
Please don't be offended but a child is not the answer. Professional counseling can help you deal with these issues. That's why those professionals are there. In my lifetime I have actually seen problems with children drive parents apart to the point of divorce.
What if you have a child, and find out that this did not solve any of your issues? Then what will you do?
You will be frustrated, annoyed, still messed up, and have a screaming baby who needs a diaper change, food, a bath, and BTW, you FORGOT to get diapers and formula at the store because you were beat tired.
Does this sound like something you really want to deal with right now?
My question for you, is your job stable? Do you have a good living situation, that won't change? I suggest a dog. Dogs can give you so much unconditional love, and acceptance, much more than a child. Dogs don't scream, vomit, and poop at the same time. You can feed a dog almost anything. If you are depressed, a dog is always happy, and fun to play with, go for walks, you meet other friendly people who have dogs.
Only if OP doesn't consider a pet disposable, as one poster seems to suggest. A pet shouldn't be a dry run for a kid- witness the many pets in shelters simply because the owner "moved on" to a baby.
I concur that OP would likely benefit from good therapy about past issues and some time of maturation along with it. Then, if of a mind and situation to be a parent, do it. I certainly think the original comment was meant to mean, "If you think you have problems NOW..." as opposed to stating that having a child would wipe away other issues. Regardless, no one should be dismissing the very real issues of past abuse or difficult familial relationships. These things don't go away, with therapy or childbirth. Only time and perspective can help put them in their proper place (and therapy can help) and that proper place is a resolved place, not a wiped-clean one.
I gave a quick answer earlier, but I wanted to come back and expand on it. I have never, ever heard anyone say anything close to "having a kid can wipe out your problems."
I had been married for 4 years and was 30 years old when we had our first child. It was planned. We had good jobs and a house and a happy marriage. After my son was born I became depressed. I didn't recognize it as depression and left it untreated for 7 years. All of a sudden, my hormones were whacked, I had this new person living in my house who never slept and cried all the time. I was frustrated because I couldn't soothe him. As he got older, he clearly preferred my husband to me. My husband didn't understand why I was so unhappy. He was sick all the time, so I had a terrible time trying to balance work and motherhood. I argued with my husband about discipline. My mother was critical of my parenting. My son was a challenge.
Having a baby will not fix your problems. If anything, it will make them worse. I love my kids, but they certainly haven't solved life's problems. They've created new ones.
ETA I think you may be misunderstanding what your friend said. I take it to mean "If you think things are hard now, just wait until you have kids." You can't walk away from the drama your own kids bring. It is yours.
Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover
Only if OP doesn't consider a pet disposable, as one poster seems to suggest. A pet shouldn't be a dry run for a kid- witness the many pets in shelters simply because the owner "moved on" to a baby.
I concur that OP would likely benefit from good therapy about past issues and some time of maturation along with it. Then, if of a mind and situation to be a parent, do it. I certainly think the original comment was meant to mean, "If you think you have problems NOW..." as opposed to stating that having a child would wipe away other issues. Regardless, no one should be dismissing the very real issues of past abuse or difficult familial relationships. These things don't go away, with therapy or childbirth. Only time and perspective can help put them in their proper place (and therapy can help) and that proper place is a resolved place, not a wiped-clean one.
I think you two are correct in your interpretation of what they meant by that kind of comment.
I agree with the time and maturity aspect of healing. And I'd like to add that kids can really bring family conflict to the forefront. So best to have gotten to a place where you aren't effected by what other people say and do. Because they all have opinions when you have a child.
I think you two are correct in your interpretation of what they meant by that kind of comment.
I agree with the time and maturity aspect of healing. And I'd like to add that kids can really bring family conflict to the forefront. So best to have gotten to a place where you aren't effected by what other people say and do. Because they all have opinions when you have a child.
so true. everyone, especially grandparents ime, has an
opinion on everything from breastfeeding to sleep scheduled to how much time they get with the child to where you spend holidays... it goes on and on.
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