Do you force your child to share? (teaching, game, parents)
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I make her share reasonably - she doesn't have to hand over a toy just because another child demands it but she has to take turns. For example she goes round her friend's house who has a trampoline. They can't both go on at once so they have to take turns. In the park there's a sort of trampoline and she went to go on it just as another child went - I told her to wait and let him go first even though she was there first because I couldn't tell the other child to wait and I didn't want them both on there together.
In the first example in the article I wouldn't force my child to share her toy but I would tell her it would be nice to let the other child have a go once she's done.
The second example I would make my child get out of the car and let the other child have a go. maybe that boy liked the red car just as much as the author's son likes it - an hour and a half is hogging your turn and I don't let my child do that.
Not in the way the article discusses. If my child was doing good with whatever of theirs they had then heck no. We took toys out rarely but when we did take a toy truck or bucket to the park or something I wasn't about to let anyone else use it and risk it getting lost or broken. I never considered it my job or responsibility to entertain other peoples kids while out in public..
My kids shared things that were shareable and when appropriate, like if they had a friend over, but that would have been their choice and they would have wanted to share dolls or cars or dinosaurs or whatever so they could play. Now, if it something wasn't theirs and belong to the school or classroom or someone else who was offering it to them, yes. They would have had to share but it was never an issue and I have no memories of problems that were caused by not sharing and no teacher ever told me they had issues. I think people make too big a fuss.
I was at a friend's house one time. The 5 year old wanted to play cards. The Dad said, who do you want to play with you? They are your cards, you decide. I was kind of dumbstruck. But then I was thankful for the experience because it helped me understand my perspective on sharing. What would anyone else do in real life? Well I certainly would not invite guests to my home and then not include them in a game we are playing. Duh. But if I had things in my home that I wanted to keep to myself, I would put them away out of sight.
I don't agree with the second example. In a public place, one does not have the right to monopolize the materials. The child did not have the right to occupy the car for the entire duration. If there had been several cars, great. But there weren't. And this is a perfect example of when the child SHOULD have been encouraged (strongly as in the required variety) to take turns.
I think there are times when sharing is appropriate and times when it is not. As a parent you want to teach your child to respect other people's belongings. Of course that means other people should respect your belongings. In the first instance cited in the article lI would not force my child to share. The kids were in a public place and I don't think it is appropriate for a stranger to demand things that belong to other people.
If it were a play date in my house I would definitely encourage sharing. You want to teach your children to be good hosts and to share with their friends. But that is not the same as giving your toys up to a stranger in a public place. Sharing has its place. When my kids were small an I thought they would have trouble sharing a particular toy with a friend I would often put it in an inaccessible place when they had friends over to play.
In the second instance I probably would have had my child take turns with the other child. With very young children parents do need to be intermediaries. The kids were in a public place where the toys were meant to be shared so if anther child wanted a turn the mother should have intervened to teach her child how to share public resources in a public place.
I think there is a difference between the two scenarios. I don't think that kids should ALWAYS be forced to share, but I do think they need to learn that there are times when sharing is required.
Sharing is not the same as Taking Turns, and I was clear with my kids on the difference. Sharing feels too much like giving up something of yours, and sometimes (like when sharing food) you don't actually get that something back.
Taking Turns is a much easier concept to teach to younger kids. You can give a reasonable time limit on taking turns that kids will understand.
To be honest, adults don't share very much. We are pretty possessive with our things, particularly with near-strangers.
Sharing is not the same as Taking Turns, and I was clear with my kids on the difference. Sharing feels too much like giving up something of yours, and sometimes (like when sharing food) you don't actually get that something back.
Taking Turns is a much easier concept to teach to younger kids. You can give a reasonable time limit on taking turns that kids will understand.
To be honest, adults don't share very much. We are pretty possessive with our things, particularly with near-strangers.
Yah I get this. This makes sense. I guess the one place that sharing seems to apply to me is guests in your home. When other kids come over, it is unkind and inappropriate to decide oh yes you can play with this but not that in front of them. If there are special items, put them away out of sight. I told my kids, how would you feel if you went over someone's house and their lorded "their" toys over you?
I don't agree with the article. If I teach my kids to share, that doesn't mean they are going to expect to have things they haven't earned when they grow up.
I think the mother in the article is going to raise a selfish brat who believes his wishes are always more important than those of the people around him. People with manners do share as adults...we share the road with other drivers, we don't take all of one dish at a potluck just because we like it and we were there first, we volunteer our time and/or donate our money to help others, we donate blood because it's the right thing to do. Sharing makes our community better.
When I teach my kids to share, it's more than the concept of letting someone borrow their toy for a few minutes. If they have more than enough of something and there's someone else who doesn't have enough, they will share what they have, with no expectation of having their stuff returned. For example, if they come home and tell me about a friend who doesn't have a jacket, they know we'll be looking in our coat closet for something to fit the friend. This is not teaching my kids that they don't deserve to keep their things, this is teaching them to help others in need. When we go and help set up at a dinner for the homeless, I'm not teaching my kids that people should get things they haven't worked for. I'm teaching them that we should always help those who are less fortunate.
I think in the second example the child should have been encouraged to let someone else use it. In the first example I would say no since the kid is said to have demanded a chance.
Sharing is not the same as Taking Turns, and I was clear with my kids on the difference. Sharing feels too much like giving up something of yours, and sometimes (like when sharing food) you don't actually get that something back.
Taking Turns is a much easier concept to teach to younger kids. You can give a reasonable time limit on taking turns that kids will understand.
To be honest, adults don't share very much. We are pretty possessive with our things, particularly with near-strangers.
I agree with the above-
I hate it when parents force their kids to immediatly abandon something just because my daughter show interest in it. I take her to a preschooler freetime at our local YMCA. They have the balance beams, ropes, rings, horses, tumble track , etc set up for all the little ones to use.
I mean - I go to a coffee house, and I don't get to just throw someone out of the nicer chairs. I have to wait my turn for one to because available. In the same vein, I don't camp put there - I stay long enough to enjoy my beverage and then leave to someone else can have a turn...
I also tyr and help her and the other kid/kids think of ways to compromise and both use something together.
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