Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm not sure if my new position qualifies as a vanity career. Does a VC have to do with the type of of job you have/income/size of the employer?
I only thought of VC because your posts indicated you view yourself as having less value in your relationship because your husband earns more money. You said you couldn't ask him to help with the housework because he earns 6x more than you will. That means you're placing less value on yourself as a person based on your earnings. It doesn't matter the type of job professional or whatever. If you view it as only having value for self fulfillment then it would be a vanity career. Since you are diminishing your job's importance by saying that you can't ask for help because he earns more money, that's why I said VC. But the reality is I meant you sound like you don't hold yourself in high regard.
Marriage is a partnership. You're supposed to be equals. If you're both spending equal time away from the house working, you both should be doing equal housework, regardless of how much you each earn. If you do it all yourself, you're going to put stress on the relationship by resenting he isn't helping. By refusing to get a housekeeper, you're setting yourself up to be a martyr in the name of thriftiness.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Voyageuse
As for the housekeeper, I'm trying not to get one. Our house is small, easy to clean and we're tying to save money to bank roll university for our kids; so I'm resisting, but give me one hairy week, and i'll probably be all in.
We're telling you that you will be all in. Family quality time is already going to be severely reduced just by working. If you spend much of your non-working hours on housework, you'll miss out on enjoyable times with your family. Many people have to do this because they can't afford it. Your family can afford it. We're not saying to get a full time housekeeper to come in every day. Even having someone come once every two weeks to do deep cleanings will be helpful. You can still save money for education.
As for the housekeeper, I'm trying not to get one. Our house is small, easy to clean and we're tying to save money to bank roll university for our kids; so I'm resisting, but give me one hairy week, and i'll probably be all in.
I hear what you're saying, and I can relate. When I went back to full time this last time to make money for college for the kids, I opted not to do the cleaning lady for that reason. However, in that job, I did have one day off during the week to do the homemaking stuff, so it worked out OK. Also, I only had one kid in the house at the time, and she was a senior in HS (though messier than a couple of toddlers at times). However, you'll need help somewhere. Either it's with cleaning, or yardwork, or cooking, or something. That's part of the expense of working.
I only thought of VC because your posts indicated you view yourself as having less value in your relationship because your husband earns more money. You said you couldn't ask him to help with the housework because he earns 6x more than you will. That means you're placing less value on yourself as a person based on your earnings. It doesn't matter the type of job professional or whatever. If you view it as only having value for self fulfillment then it would be a vanity career. Since you are diminishing your job's importance by saying that you can't ask for help because he earns more money, that's why I said VC. But the reality is I meant you sound like you don't hold yourself in high regard.
Marriage is a partnership. You're supposed to be equals. If you're both spending equal time away from the house working, you both should be doing equal housework, regardless of how much you each earn. If you do it all yourself, you're going to put stress on the relationship by resenting he isn't helping. By refusing to get a housekeeper, you're setting yourself up to be a martyr in the name of thriftiness.
We're telling you that you will be all in. Family quality time is already going to be severely reduced just by working. If you spend much of your non-working hours on housework, you'll miss out on enjoyable times with your family. Many people have to do this because they can't afford it. Your family can afford it. We're not saying to get a full time housekeeper to come in every day. Even having someone come once every two weeks to do deep cleanings will be helpful. You can still save money for education.
Not value myself highly enough? Honey, I am the queen bee of my household! Hardly a martyr. My husband will walk through shark-infested waters to bring me a lemonade. He already takes on a lot as it is: kid driving, (hairball) yard work, errands... I'm trying to be thoughtful by not giving him more to do, because I could easily see myself falling into that, due to time mismanagement, predicated by a new job with which I'm not quite accustomed. Hence the reason for this post.
As far as me not taking my job seriously, I do. I take EVERYTHING seriously, but it the grand scheme of things, if I were to lose my job, it wouldn't impact our family, as much as it would if he lost his. I will work in a support role, he's in sales. When there are cuts, support people are the first ones to go, sales people are retained. If he's working on a multi-million dollar deal, and my kid needs to be dropped off at a Boy Scout function in the evening, there is no way that I'm going to interrupt him to do it; so yea, I do think his time is more valuable than mine. Am I going to skip work to chaperone a field trip? No, because I've committed to my job.
You have a good point about the bi-weekly housekeeper though. I'll try to be more open-minded about it.
We're talking about time at home when neither of you are working. You're saying his time off is more valuable because he earns more money when he's working. That made sense when your job was to be the homemaker. It's not logical now that you have two full time jobs---homemaker and whatever your new job is.
I'm not trying to insult you. I'm trying to empower you. I'm glad the idea of a bi-weekly housekeeper was helpful.
We're talking about time at home when neither of you are working. You're saying his time off is more valuable because he earns more money when he's working. That made sense when your job was to be the homemaker. It's not logical now that you have two full time jobs---homemaker and whatever your new job is.
I'm not trying to insult you. I'm trying to empower you. I'm glad the idea of a bi-weekly housekeeper was helpful.
I never said that his time off is more valuable than mine. If ANY of the males in my house are lazing around on their arses, while I need help cleaning the attic, they're gonna get an earful about it. My husband is always the first to offer, and I take him up on his help if I need it, but most of the time I don't, 'cos I enjoy stuff like that, I find it relaxing (weird, huh?). The bigger problem is with the kids!
Thank you for clarifying your position. I was beginning to feel psychoanalyzed and criticized, which is not empowering at all. As far as needing empowerment goes, I'm getting that in spades with this new job. No one has ever made me feel worthless as a SAHM, but honestly, I was bored and felt unproductive. This is my problem, I know that. It has always been my lifelong dream to bank roll our kids' university education. I can't tell you how awesome/empowering and liberating it feels to discover that may actually become a reality.
I have nothing but respect for SAHMs, but I think this new gig is a really good fit for me. Going back to work was a really hard concept to explain to my SAHM friends, they really gave me a hard time about it, but that's for another thread.
If you have any practical time management, meal plan, errand tips...please share. I've received some awesome suggestions! Thank you to everyone.
If you have any practical time management, meal plan, errand tips...please share. I've received some awesome suggestions! Thank you to everyone.
I provided many tips at the start of the thread. I was the first person to respond. But I'll add one more:
Practical time management: hire a housekeeper.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
