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I'm not sure if you've never heard of the proverb "Monkey see, Monkey Do" that originated here in America in the 1920's or if you are pretending that I called Ivory's daughter a monkey.
Cut the snark! I do not think it is appropriate to call someone's kid a monkey. Smack yourself!
It is easy to make children take responsibility when they are already mature, accountable and trustworthy. Unfortunately, despite out best intentions as parents, children don't always turn out the way we intended. There are too many variables, and friends can play a significant role in how our children develop into adults.
I've seen too many examples of parents doing all the right things and children turning out poorly, and also the reverse is true, where children succeed in spite of their parents.
One example that comes to mind was my brother's best friend. He and his wife had twin boys. They won go a college scholarship and became and engineer; they other ended up in prison.
I've seen that -- same parents and 4 kids turn out to be total saints, upstanding citizens in every way and one just doesn't turn out so well.
I suspect some people should worry about their kids having headaches with their halos always on so tight. I think the whole reason many parents are going along just fine and then it's like "WHOA!!! WHAT HAPPENED??!!!" Their sweet-adorable-eager-to-please and very motivated darlings suddenly also became eager-to-please-their-peers and motivated to fit in. Not to mention the raging hormones, insecurities, physical changes.
As far as peer pressure, it's so strong we hear of kids even committing suicide because of the pressure their peers were putting on them. The pressure to be popular can be especially powerful.
I can understand when the OP mentioned how important cheerleading is --- in heartland America especially the Midwest where sports like football rule, cheerleaders are very competitive, as much as their jock counterparts are. They have to work hard at it, they are considered special by everyone in the schools -- except of course some of the non-jock-non-cheerleader types. It's also a culture wrapped up in academic success, good families, involved parents, tidy lawns.
I remember like it was yesterday thinking how bad it would be if I had been in that crowd because my parents wouldn't let me party or do much and no way could the more popular kids sit home on a Saturday night or be no-shows at the bigger parties.
I and my friends turned out okay, but so did most of the kids in that faster crowd. And there was peer pressure on them, not so much on me --- but would I have taken a drink if I had been allowed to go to one of those parties? I'm not sure.
As far as bad parenting -- no two kids are the same so there isn't one magic book or one magic set of rules that work for all kids. These kids can have the parents who sacrificed plenty, who spent hours helping with homework, had excellent meals, were very involved every step of the way, did loads of family time together
LPDAL, you're going in circles. It's not her fault, it's peer pressure's fault. It's not peer pressure fault, it's Ivory's fault for letting her hang out with drinking kids. It's not Ivory's fault, kids do what they want. That pretty much sums up your posts in the past hour. You're making me dizzy.
LPDAL, you're going in circles. It's not her fault, it's peer pressure's fault. It's not peer pressure fault, it's Ivory's fault for letting her hang out with drinking kids. It's not Ivory's fault, kids do what they want. That pretty much sums up your posts in the past hour. You're making me dizzy.
This equation is a circle because there is no single person to blame. Should I say, "Ivory and her DH are to blame because they had the DD's, their parents are repsonsible for having Ivory and DH, God is responsible for creating the Earth?" Because Ivory and DH had the child...? I'm just wondering.
Throughout high school, I didn't drink a single drop of alcohol (going to upload my diploma and DMV it to all the doubters).. Even at Embry-Riddle only the fratties drink because of the strict FAA 8 hours from bottle to throttle regulation.
DMVing a diploma is an unnecessary (and useless) step if you're worried about the doubters. Proof that you attend Embry Riddle would be recommended since you're dealing with a lot of smart parents who have been to the rodeo.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 11-13-2013 at 08:03 PM..
It's irrelevant when parents blame peer pressure for what their children do. The snowflake parents who always blame everyone else. Their children are perfect, and it's everyone else's fault. And it often never occurs to parents that their snowflake might be the leader, not the follower. I always cringed when I'd hear a parent blaming peer pressure or a friend for something their child did.
I really didn't get that the OP was saying her kids are perfect -- in fact the opposite. I think she was just caught off-guard. Even reeling when it seems everything has suddenly gone wrong and you feel like the worst family in the world --- but it's really not that.
Or why come on here and bare her soul and want to discuss it and get opinions -- all kinds of opinions to sift through and ponder? Part of you just wishes it would all just go back to how it was, another part of you is trying to adjust and figure the new reality out, and some other emotions.
And it is true that her daughter wasn't the only one drinking, but her daughter is the only one who got in trouble for it apparently. NOT that that changes anything but that can seem unfair at least at first.
Now you're finally saying something that makes sense since it sounds like they shouldn't have gotten married.
Thank you. I'm not sure I should open that can of worms, though, because it would be crying over spilled milk at this point. Now I see why it is so hard to see the big picture in children, you almost have to break it down into bits to really understand it. This thread actually has changed a lot about my views on parenting....Having kids has to be the most important decision in anyone's life because more or less, once you have them, there is no going back for almost 18 years....Hmm...Really good food for thought. Almost makes me want to start a "How did you decide to become a parent" thread. Good food for thought there.
Thank you. I'm not sure I should open that can of worms, though, because it would be crying over spilled milk at this point. Now I see why it is so hard to see the big picture in children, you almost have to break it down into bits to really understand it. This thread actually has changed a lot about my views on parenting....Having kids has to be the most important decision in anyone's life because more or less, once you have them, there is no going back for almost 18 years....Hmm...Really good food for thought. Almost makes me want to start a "How did you decide to become a parent" thread. Good food for thought there.
There can be times especially when kids are teenagers that parents might not bring them home from the hospital if they had to bring them home as teenagers.
There is a reason that babies are so cute and sleep a lot.
When your child is an infant and baby, you look at them and think you could never stand for them to ever leave home. By age 7 or 8, you can sometimes picture them maybe moving next door. By age 13 or 14, you can picture them living down the block. By age 15 or 16, you can picture them moving across town.
They have to become less endearing so when they do leave home it's okay. Then later everyone gets together and laughs about some of the bad things -- and then the kids tell you some of the things they did that you never knew about -- and by then, you're kind of glad you didn't have to know. Usually that's when the kids are now parents themselves and they're going to get theirs.
My sister will say that her daughter was our Mom's revenge on her. She says Mom used to tell her "I hope someday you get a child like yourself so you can see what you put me though" and it seemed she did.
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