How to handle daughter's first heartbreak (teenagers, support, toddler, parent)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Sorry if this is a bit short.
My 16yo daughter has had a boyfriend for about 6 months until now. Today at school, the boyfriend took her aside and told my daughter that he just "didn't feel that our relationship was working out." When I picked her up today, she barely closed the door before she burst into tears like I've never seen since she was a toddler (later found out she was on her cycle when the boyfriend dumped her). She has been crying for the past two hours and nothing seems to console her, she just mopes around saying things like "I want him back!!" Nothing seems to convince her that the boy is done with her and she should find another boy.
How did you handle your teenage daughter's first breakup?
It's only been a couple of hours. Let her feel her feelings. Be there to support her. Crying and moping are normal for a break-up. The thing you want to watch out for is her contacting the ex and harassing him. With the internet, you don't want her stalking him on FB or anything. She needs to be able to accept that they've broken up.
Give her some time. She'll be okay.
Last edited by charlygal; 11-20-2013 at 05:06 PM..
It's only been a couple of hours. Let her feel her feelings. Be there to support her. Crying and moping are normal for a break-up. The thing you want to watch out for is her contacting the ex and harassing him. With the internet, you don't want her stalking him on FB or anything. She needs to be ale to accept that they've broken up.
Give her some time. She'll be okay.
This is great advice. Nothing hurts like your first big breakup. Just love her and keep her from doing anything stupid and embarrassing herself.
I didn't have any daughters, but I remember my first heartbreak like it was yesterday, and not 30+ years ago. My mother just held me, and let me grieve. I was just grateful to know she cared and didn't belittle me for being in love as a teen. I think it's harder today, because it is rarely out of sight, out of mind with the internet, but if your daughter knows you have her back, and love her, she will get over this.
Take her out for some mother-daughter time if you can. But, also, let her cry if she feels like it.
I didn't have any daughters, but I remember my first heartbreak like it was yesterday, and not 30+ years ago. My mother just held me, and let me grieve. I was just grateful to know she cared and didn't belittle me for being in love as a teen. I think it's harder today, because it is rarely out of sight, out of mind with the internet, but if your daughter knows you have her back, and love her, she will get over this.
Take her out for some mother-daughter time if you can. But, also, let her cry if she feels like it.
Yep...
I'd also say that I wouldn't focus on "finding another boy" as a way to feel better or get over this. We don't need to be encouraging the idea that a girl's value is based on having a boyfriend.
Let her cry as much as she needs to . Don't hover. Be there for her but let her experience her emotional pain. It's normal for a break up to hurt.
Don't feed into her misery. In other words don't take sides and say how terrible the boy is, etc. because he hurt your daughter. He's not, they're young and this is life. The next time she may be the one breaking someone's heart by walking away.
When and if she wants to talk at some point down the road, let her. Be emphatic but not judgmental to either her or him. As others have suggested, try to gently remind her that not to do anything stupid on social media that she will regret in six months. One you put something out there on the internet not only does everyone know but it never goes away.
Let her cry as much as she needs to . Don't hover. Be there for her but let her experience her emotional pain. It's normal for a break up to hurt.
Don't feed into her misery. In other words don't take sides and say how terrible the boy is, etc. because he hurt your daughter. He's not, they're young and this is life. The next time she may be the one breaking someone's heart by walking away.
When and if she wants to talk at some point down the road, let her. Be emphatic but not judgmental to either her or him. As others have suggested, try to gently remind her that not to do anything stupid on social media that she will regret in six months. One you put something out there on the internet not only does everyone know but it never goes away.
I was initially disappointed with the boy because of the misery she was going through (though I don't think he knew that her emotional meltdown would be exacerbated by her being on her period), but then I realized that these are two not fully-matured teenagers in high school. The boy is very nice and an honor roll student.
edit-apparentelly the boy wanted to focus on his schoolwork and family, so "he didn't have time for a relationship" Although what he is saying makes sense, it does seem harsh.
Most of us went through painful breakups. What did we do to ease the pain?
Exercise
Convincing myself that life is too short for this pain
Exercise
Listening to happy uplifting music (in my time it was the B-52s and Jean-Luc Ponty)
Exercise
Convincing myself that I was number 1 and I would do whatever it took to push that
I vividly remember the time my high school boyfriend (of 3 years) and I broke up, and I could not stop crying.
After I had gone to bed and still kept crying, my dad came in my room, sat next to my bed, and started reading Anna Karenina out loud (it was a school assignment!).
It was really not like him to do something like that, and he never told me to stop crying or to get over it. He just helped me think about something else until I fell asleep.
Sorry if this is a bit short.
My 16yo daughter has had a boyfriend for about 6 months until now. Today at school, the boyfriend took her aside and told my daughter that he just "didn't feel that our relationship was working out." When I picked her up today, she barely closed the door before she burst into tears like I've never seen since she was a toddler (later found out she was on her cycle when the boyfriend dumped her). She has been crying for the past two hours and nothing seems to console her, she just mopes around saying things like "I want him back!!" Nothing seems to convince her that the boy is done with her and she should find another boy.
How did you handle your teenage daughter's first breakup?
With mine it was a teenage son who stopped eating and moped around. You read of too many teenage suicides over breakups --- I didn't know how serious to take it. So I got mad at him and told him "this is why I told you that you were too young to date" and he insisted he wasn't too young to date and I told him "look at how you're acting, if you can't handle a breakup, you're not mature enough to be dating in the first place", and he replied he was handling it just fine but that he was just a little bit sad.
Then I told him that not eating and moping for so long didn't look to me like he was handling it and that almost no one ends up with their first "love" forever, breaking up is just part of it all, getting dumped is just part of it all. He snapped out of it soon after.
Some of it's just drama queen stuff. I'm not sure what the signs of a real problem reaction might be.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Nothing seems to convince her that the boy is done with her and she should find another boy.
