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Oh its been a bumpy 9th grade. If my son would only make an effort with school work, he would be a wonderful student. He now has a 1.8 GPA and I am just beside myself. He just dosnt get it. He is smart (with study, he can get B's and A'). He is a sea cadet and thrives there and gets all that paperwork done before it is due. He plays rugby and football. He gets them taken away from him often due to grades.
But school work ; he is just allergic to it. I have done everything possible ; bribe him, etc and nothing works. His CO spoke to him, that didn't work. His teachers spoke to him, nothing.
He wants to go into the Coast Guard and knows the GPA is a min of 2.00.
Today I was told that I should have had an abortion and then I wouldn't have had to shout at him for his grades. Boy that hurt as we went thru years of fertility treatments to have our kids.
Just nothing seems to work. He is a good decent kid only for this and I know I should be tanking my lucky stars, but I just don't want his dreams to be dashed because of his lack of effort.
Back off and let him find his way. He knows the expectations and what he needs to do to reach his goals. If he fails, it's his failure, not your failure. Some kids just don't like school.
Also, I would suggest having him tested for learning disabilities just to make sure there isn't something going on there as well but absent that, you can't motivate him externally to do better--it has to come from within.
Oh its been a bumpy 9th grade. If my son would only make an effort with school work, he would be a wonderful student. He now has a 1.8 GPA and I am just beside myself. He just dosnt get it. He is smart (with study, he can get B's and A'). He is a sea cadet and thrives there and gets all that paperwork done before it is due. He plays rugby and football. He gets them taken away from him often due to grades.
But school work ; he is just allergic to it. I have done everything possible ; bribe him, etc and nothing works. His CO spoke to him, that didn't work. His teachers spoke to him, nothing.
He wants to go into the Coast Guard and knows the GPA is a min of 2.00.
Today I was told that I should have had an abortion and then I wouldn't have had to shout at him for his grades. Boy that hurt as we went thru years of fertility treatments to have our kids.
Just nothing seems to work. He is a good decent kid only for this and I know I should be tanking my lucky stars, but I just don't want his dreams to be dashed because of his lack of effort.
I'm in 10th grade, I started my freshman year with a 1.8 GPA, and was able to get it up to a 3.0 by the end of the year. I have had a rough year this year (mainly because of lack of effort), and my GPA has dropped to a 2.7.
My advice to your son, is just ask for help. Do all of your homework and most teachers will help you succeed as long as he shows them he cares. I don't have a great relationship with most of my teachers, which hurts me a little bit, but the teachers I do have a good relationship with are really helping me reach my goals.
I guess you should work with him on getting his gpa up to 2.00. Possibly in the process, he may find going over that as a new goal. Encourage his goals of the coast guard. Take him to see coast guard training centers. At least he has something in mind as far as a goal.
Puberty does bad things to kids, it can sap their energy, it can make them obstinate. He's going from child to adult. Celebrate small successes, a few b's will boost his gpa.
CO? Commanding Officer? Is he in a military school?
Anyway, I think its the norm with a lot of kids later on in school. They dont know what they want to be when they grow up, the things they want to do their either not smart enough to do or the school wont let them take the courses, or theyre just so burnt out on school that they couldnt care less what grades they get.
My wife's kid is a senior in HS with less than 3 months till graduation and hes failing chemistry which is a required course. He couldnt care less. Even with us telling him after the school year ends he'll have to get a job and find his own place he still does that teenage "meh" shoulder shrug and goes back to watching TV.
Have you tried getting back to basics? Have a set time that he has to sit down and do his homework. If says he doesn't have homework, he still has to sit down at the table and study.
My sister instilled studying in her daughter by having a structured study time in elementary school. Her daughter wasn't allowed to do anything else until she got her homework done. As a result, she had the habit of walking in the door and doing her homework that lasted throughout her education.
My husband's parents would ground him and is siblings to the kitchen table for a grading period. If they got a bad report card, they literally came home from school, sat down at the kitchen table and spent the afternoon and evening sitting there (with the exception of going to the bathroom, eating dinner, doing chores).
I'm not recommending as extreme as my husband's family, but saying "every day from 6pm to 8pm you will sit at the kitchen table and study. If he chooses to just sit there and not do anything productive with his time, that's fine because it will mean sitting for two hours at the kitchen table the next grading period.
The key is to have a set time period----1 hour, 2 hours, whatever you decide. It has to be a set length of time at a specific start time on the clock. You can't base the length of time on how much homework and let them go when it's done. If you do, he'll lie about not having homework or that he has done it all. Just provide a set period of time that he is to sit and study. Eventually he'll start studying because he doesn't have anything else to do during that time.
Have you tried getting back to basics? Have a set time that he has to sit down and do his homework. If says he doesn't have homework, he still has to sit down at the table and study.
My sister instilled studying in her daughter by having a structured study time in elementary school. Her daughter wasn't allowed to do anything else until she got her homework done. As a result, she had the habit of walking in the door and doing her homework that lasted throughout her education.
My husband's parents would ground him and is siblings to the kitchen table for a grading period. If they got a bad report card, they literally came home from school, sat down at the kitchen table and spent the afternoon and evening sitting there (with the exception of going to the bathroom, eating dinner, doing chores).
I'm not recommending as extreme as my husband's family, but saying "every day from 6pm to 8pm you will sit at the kitchen table and study. If he chooses to just sit there and not do anything productive with his time, that's fine because it will mean sitting for two hours at the kitchen table the next grading period.
The key is to have a set time period----1 hour, 2 hours, whatever you decide. It has to be a set length of time at a specific start time on the clock. You can't base the length of time on how much homework and let them go when it's done. If you do, he'll lie about not having homework or that he has done it all. Just provide a set period of time that he is to sit and study. Eventually he'll start studying because he doesn't have anything else to do during that time.
Exactly this. This is how I was raised. Ive told my wife thats what she needs to do with her kid but she constantly gives him the benefit of the doubt.
Back off and let him find his way. He knows the expectations and what he needs to do to reach his goals. If he fails, it's his failure, not your failure. Some kids just don't like school.
Also, I would suggest having him tested for learning disabilities just to make sure there isn't something going on there as well but absent that, you can't motivate him externally to do better--it has to come from within.
Geez. That's great advice if you want an 18 yr old with no prospects in 4 year's time.
14 yr olds don't have the maturity that allows parents to back off and "find their way". They still need structure, expectations, and consequences.
I'd ditch all the extra-curriculars, including the Sea Cadets, until the grades come up. I'm surprised that he's allowed to participate in the program with poor grades.
Hopefully, you have discussed all this with guidance counselors and teachers OP? And have confirmed that it's largely due to a lack of effort?
Plenty of kids stumble as they begin high school. There's less hand holding, and more freedom. Hold him accountable, and know he still has time to bring up his gpa.
I'd ditch all the extra-curriculars, including the Sea Cadets, until the grades come up. I'm surprised that he's allowed to participate in the program with poor grades.
I agree with this; however, he can't be permitted to socialize if he's cut off from extra-curriculars. Otherwise, he could decide he doesn't care about extra-curriculars and head down the wrong path with the wrong crowd. If the OP wants to keep the extra-curriculars and socializing, the only other option is to have a set in stone study period every night.
Many schools wisely have strict requirements about academic progress and after school activities. I worked at 2 Hschools where WEEKLY checks were made...if an athlete was failing any class, he/she didn't play. It applied to EVERY activity.
So if a school doesn't do that, a parent has to. And IMHO a 2.0 would not be acceptable just because that is all the Coast Guard requires.
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