Is it expected to do something for a mom for mothers day? Moms would you expect your kids to do something for you? (daughter, money)
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I love Mother's Day. Love hearing from the kids. Love getting together with those that can make it. Love it when they post a photo of me with them when they were little on their Facebook page. ...
Anyway, back to Mother's Day. I see this as not a day to pay homage to me. I loved being a mother. If I never got another Mother's Day card, or box of chocolates, I still came out way ahead. I had a grand time raising kids. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
I wish we used Mother's Day to think and plan for how we could do a better job of mothering the world.
Despite all my high-minded, just-talking-with-the-kids-is-good-enough, Mother's Day has come and gone and I'm feeling a bit let down.
One child, well she's an adult now really, walked in carrying a Starbucks drink and a small, cheap card. She stayed for dinner but then had to leave right away as she had another engagement. She invited us to her place later this month and asked me to bring the Italian tortillini salad that is such a hit at potlucks, the one with the salami, mozzarella, sundried tomatoes, etc.. And could I bring enough for twenty, as she is inviting several of her friends and their parents. Sure, no problem. Born to serve. Live to anticipate.
The next one gave me a card and mentioned that the pedicure she treated me to last week was my Mother's Day gift. Silly me, I thought the pedicure was a thank you for helping her find her wedding dress and paying for it and the alterations plus putting on a bridal shower afternoon tea for her and twenty of her nearest and dearest friends.
Not a word from the other kid. So I called him. Had a lovely conversation.
It's no big deal, but Sweet J.
I didn't make a big deal out of it. You get what you get. I was hoping for world peace and that didn't work out either.
But the birthday celebrations are going to be very subdued affairs this year. Probably cheap cards with a reference to something I've done for them in the past.
Despite all my high-minded, just-talking-with-the-kids-is-good-enough, Mother's Day has come and gone and I'm feeling a bit let down.
One child, small, cheap card. She stayed for dinner but then had to leave right away as she had another engagement. She invited us to her place later this month and asked me to bring the Italian tortillini salad that is such a hit at potlucks, the one with the salami, mozzarella, sundried tomatoes, etc.. And could I bring enough for twenty, as she is inviting several of her friends and their parents. Sure, no problem. Born to serve. Live to anticipate.
The next one gave me a card and mentioned that the pedicure she treated me to last week was my Mother's Day gift. Silly me, I thought the pedicure was a thank you for helping her find her wedding dress and paying for it and the alterations plus putting on a bridal shower afternoon tea for her and twenty of her nearest and dearest friends.
Not a word from the other kid. So I called him. Had a lovely conversation.
It's no big deal, but Sweet J.
I didn't make a big deal out of it. You get what you get. I was hoping for world peace and that didn't work out either.
But the birthday celebrations are going to be very subdued affairs this year. Probably cheap cards with a reference to something I've done for them in the past.
Wonder if I can think of anything.
So you think laying guilt trips on your kids is going to net you better Mother's Day gifts?
Despite all my high-minded, just-talking-with-the-kids-is-good-enough, Mother's Day has come and gone and I'm feeling a bit let down.
One child, well she's an adult now really, walked in carrying a Starbucks drink and a small, cheap card. She stayed for dinner but then had to leave right away as she had another engagement. She invited us to her place later this month and asked me to bring the Italian tortillini salad that is such a hit at potlucks, the one with the salami, mozzarella, sundried tomatoes, etc.. And could I bring enough for twenty, as she is inviting several of her friends and their parents. Sure, no problem. Born to serve. Live to anticipate.
The next one gave me a card and mentioned that the pedicure she treated me to last week was my Mother's Day gift. Silly me, I thought the pedicure was a thank you for helping her find her wedding dress and paying for it and the alterations plus putting on a bridal shower afternoon tea for her and twenty of her nearest and dearest friends.
Not a word from the other kid. So I called him. Had a lovely conversation.
It's no big deal, but Sweet J.
I didn't make a big deal out of it. You get what you get. I was hoping for world peace and that didn't work out either.
But the birthday celebrations are going to be very subdued affairs this year. Probably cheap cards with a reference to something I've done for them in the past.
Wonder if I can think of anything.
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech
So you think laying guilt trips on your kids is going to net you better Mother's Day gifts?
Sadly, it appears you have missed the point of my post. I'll try again.
Despite all my high-mindedness heading into Mother's Day, upon reflection it was a somewhat of a let down. No world peace and it the kids could barely be bothered.
No guilt trips. As I stated, I didn't make a big deal out of it. Didn't even mention it then and don't plan on mentioning it in the future.
But sweet J, these are intelligent adults who have known me for decades. To walk in with a Starbucks drink that costs more than the Mother's Day card and then mumble about being tight on funds is thoughtless. Don't know what word would describe inviting me to a lunch and asking me to bring the food.
As I mentioned, birthday presents will be more subdued this year. Since the kids don't set much store by thoughtfulness, there's no reason for me to bother. Waste of time and energy.
It is a realistic assessment of the situation. Not sure how you construe this as a guilt trip.
I'm wondering if maybe your mother tries to "guilt trip" you into being thoughtful and kind to her and you are projecting that on me.
Last edited by GotHereQuickAsICould; 05-14-2014 at 09:20 AM..
Sadly, it appears you have missed the point of my post. I'll try again.
Despite all my high-mindedness heading into Mother's Day, upon reflection it was a somewhat of a let down. No world peace and it the kids could barely be bothered.
No guilt trips. As I stated, I didn't make a big deal out of it. Didn't even mention it then and doubt I ever will.
But sweet J, these are intelligent adults who have known me for decades. To walk in with a Starbucks drink that costs more than the Mother's Day card and then mumble about being tight on funds is thoughtless. Don't know what word would describe inviting me to a lunch and asking me to bring the food.
As I mentioned, birthday presents will be more subdued this year. Since the kids don't set much store by thoughtfulness, there's no reason for me to bother. Waste of time and energy.
Not sure how you construe this as a guilt trip.
I'm wondering if maybe your mother tries to "guilt trip" you into being thoughtful and kind to her and you are projecting that on me.
First of all, my mother is dead. But to address your point: I actually gave a damn about Mother's Day, because she didn't make a big deal about Mother's Day, so I always made it a point to take her to dinner.
You are being passive-aggressive here, and here's where I'm getting it:
By downsizing their birthday gifts, you are "getting back" at them for not doing something you say you don't care about.
You're irritated about your daughter bringing you a cheap card, but she had her Starbucks. Well, she drinks Starbucks probably every day and that is part of her normal life, so she's not going to forgo her Starbucks; she probably didn't even think about it that way, but you certainly did. If she really cared about getting you a nice card, she'd have gone all out and bought you one with something sentimental in it that she had to take the time to read. But I have a feeling she knew you would have a fit if she didn't get you a card, so she brought you one, and then she hauled ass so she didn't have to hear about how cheap it is.
Your son didn't call you, so you called him. If you really didn't care, you wouldn't have bothered to call him. But by doing so, he was "reminded" about it.
Then you complained about your other daughter and the pedicure. But at least she got you something.
These kids just can't get a break, can they?
You act the martyr about one daughter wanting tortelloni salad, and then do the same thing with the other daughter about helping her with her wedding dress.
If everything you do is about what you will get back, you are always going to be left wanting.
First of all, my mother is dead. But to address your point: I actually gave a damn about Mother's Day, because she didn't make a big deal about Mother's Day, so I always made it a point to take her to dinner.
You are being passive-aggressive here, and here's where I'm getting it:
By downsizing their birthday gifts, you are "getting back" at them for not doing something you say you don't care about.
You're irritated about your daughter bringing you a cheap card, but she had her Starbucks. Well, she drinks Starbucks probably every day and that is part of her normal life, so she's not going to forgo her Starbucks; she probably didn't even think about it that way, but you certainly did. If she really cared about getting you a nice card, she'd have gone all out and bought you one with something sentimental in it that she had to take the time to read. But I have a feeling she knew you would have a fit if she didn't get you a card, so she brought you one, and then she hauled ass so she didn't have to hear about how cheap it is.
Your son didn't call you, so you called him. If you really didn't care, you wouldn't have bothered to call him. But by doing so, he was "reminded" about it.
Then you complained about your other daughter and the pedicure. But at least she got you something.
These kids just can't get a break, can they?
You act the martyr about one daughter wanting tortelloni salad, and then do the same thing with the other daughter about helping her with her wedding dress.
If everything you do is about what you will get back, you are always going to be left wanting.
Thank you for your clear response. It helped me realize that they're not trying to hurt me, they just don't care one way or the other if I am.
Point well taken.
It also helped me realize that they are grown now. They can do whatever they want.
Me too.
Last edited by GotHereQuickAsICould; 05-14-2014 at 05:00 PM..
First of all, my mother is dead. But to address your point: I actually gave a damn about Mother's Day, because she didn't make a big deal about Mother's Day, so I always made it a point to take her to dinner.
I am a mom too and dinner is an every day occurrence and my mother is also DEAD. I am a chef so in my mind..if I would have just taken her to dinner, it wouldn't have been special. I did a few three course dinners for her and took her to the horse races and saw a few concerts in LV. I lost her a few times in LV because she liked to talk to every one at the crap tables. I am sure your mother enjoyed your company but it took more than just "dinner" to have you. You need to show this woman posting some respect... period.
Despite all my high-minded, just-talking-with-the-kids-is-good-enough, Mother's Day has come and gone and I'm feeling a bit let down.
One child, well she's an adult now really, walked in carrying a Starbucks drink and a small, cheap card. She stayed for dinner but then had to leave right away as she had another engagement. She invited us to her place later this month and asked me to bring the Italian tortillini salad that is such a hit at potlucks, the one with the salami, mozzarella, sundried tomatoes, etc.. And could I bring enough for twenty, as she is inviting several of her friends and their parents. Sure, no problem. Born to serve. Live to anticipate.
The next one gave me a card and mentioned that the pedicure she treated me to last week was my Mother's Day gift. Silly me, I thought the pedicure was a thank you for helping her find her wedding dress and paying for it and the alterations plus putting on a bridal shower afternoon tea for her and twenty of her nearest and dearest friends.
Not a word from the other kid. So I called him. Had a lovely conversation.
It's no big deal, but Sweet J.
I didn't make a big deal out of it. You get what you get. I was hoping for world peace and that didn't work out either.
But the birthday celebrations are going to be very subdued affairs this year. Probably cheap cards with a reference to something I've done for them in the past.
Wonder if I can think of anything.
Well, I agree with you that is a crappy Mother's Day.
It is a pet peeve of mine to see people with a Jumbo Super Duper Size, Extra Fancy, Extra Ingredients Starbucks coffee in their hand while their mouth is complaining that they don't have any money to pay back the money that you loaned them, pay their bills or buy school supplies for their child. Especially when it happens again and again.
If the daughter only had a few dollars to spend wouldn't of it been nicer to buy her mother a special Starbucks coffee to go with the card? I agree that to walk into Mom's house with a $5 cup of coffee for her self and to tell Mom "Sorry that I didn't get you anything for Mother's Day" it was pretty clear that the daughter was only thinking about herself.
Again, if the daughter invited her Mom to a potluck party at her house and asked her to bring her special salad that is one thing but inviting her "to dinner" and then expecting her to bring food for 20 people is pretty outrageous.
It is pretty tacky to say " By the way, you know the gift that I gave you last week? You know the Thank You gift for all of those special things that you did for me? Well, consider it your Mother's Day gift as well."
And, perhaps you son needs a calendar.
Last edited by germaine2626; 05-14-2014 at 08:15 PM..
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Born to serve. Live to anticipate.
