Father's rights (deadbeat, single dad, boys, raising)
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Bingo! If I had a son who found himself in this situation and had no plans to remain with the mother, did not want to have a child with the woman, and she insisted on keeping the child, I'd advise him to get a paternity test and if he is the father, pay child support to the mother through a third party and move on with his life. Fairness to the child doesn't mean a thing when one party invalidates the desires of the other and has sole control to do so because of her reproductive organs.
All women should know that when they decide to keep a child out of wedlock it is their responsibility to ensure that child's well-being. It's the legal obligation of the father to pay child support. If the father wants to be apart of the child's life, great. But don't assume child support = an involved father who wanted a child with you.
All men should know that having sex with a woman carries equal responsibility for any resulting pregnancy, for a full 18 years. I would lose all respect for any one of my three sons if they walked away, and thought their obligations could be satisfied via a check in the mail once a month.
I've been quite clear that I don't agree with forcing anybody into parenthood, legislatively or otherwise.
And I don't see anything funny about parent/s getting their animosity under control rather than choosing to abandon their child.
Okay. I hope your hypothetical son, who I'll assume is not "of low IQ and immature", completely ignores your dreadful advice. Punishing the child (and ulimately yourself) because you don't agree with the decision of the maternal parent and you're standing on some kind of huffy "it's not fair wahhhh" principal is short sighted and selfish.
There comes a point where the child is a living breathing human being, not a disputed pregnancy, and their origin no longer matters, is irrelevant, and has nothing to do with THEM. I can't imagine being reminded, by virtue of seeing your paycheck garnished every cycle, that you have a kid that you've consciously abandoned for 18 years. I certainly wouldn't advise my own son to take that route. As far as regrets go, this one is a life changing biggie.
Nobody's check will be garnished. You're not reading only reacting. He wouldn't be blaming the child, he would be exercising his rights. Also, it's more than a conscious abandonment, it's physical as well...and way longer than 18 years!
I've mentioned this to you before, your position on this issue hinges entirely on the issues you have with your mom and dad, and is highly subjective.
Fake families don't work. No one controls the circumstances of how s/he enters this world. No one. It sucks, but that's life. Unfortunately, since women carry children, the bulk of the responsibility lies on them to rear the child when the father doesn't want a child with a particular woman. You can mandate child support but you can't mandate a father-child relationship.
All men should know that having sex with a woman carries equal responsibility for any resulting pregnancy, for a full 18 years. I would lose all respect for any one of my three sons if they walked away, and thought their obligations could be satisfied via a check in the mail once a month.
So as Jaded brought up, if a woman doesn't want the responsibility of motherhood but just wants to enjoy having casual sex would you recommend sterilization as a possible option? My daughter for instance can't take BC. She has tried many different kinds including IUD and it just makes her feel like crap. Should I tell her she better stop enjoying sex with her bf or get sterilized?
So as Jaded brought up, if a woman doesn't want the responsibility of motherhood but just wants to enjoy having casual sex would you recommend sterilization as a possible option? My daughter for instance can't take BC. She has tried many different kinds including IUD and it just makes her feel like crap. Should I tell her she better stop enjoying sex with her bf or get sterilized?
Would I recommend sterilization to another person of either sex? No. It's a personal choice that nobody else can make.
What I would expect, in the case of somebody such as your daughter, is that before she hops into bed, she has an honest, open conversation about her lack of birth control with her partner. Once he makes the decision to go ahead and have sex, then he signs up for fatherhood.
Would I recommend sterilization to another person of either sex? No. It's a personal choice that nobody else can make.
What I would expect, in the case of somebody such as your daughter, is that before she hops into bed, she has an honest, open conversation about her lack of birth control with her partner. Once he makes the decision to go ahead and have sex, then he signs up for fatherhood.
All men should know that having sex with a woman carries equal responsibility for any resulting pregnancy, for a full 18 years. I would lose all respect for any one of my three sons if they walked away, and thought their obligations could be satisfied via a check in the mail once a month.
They do. But men don't have control over births or pregnancies. Lose respect? Why, because you want a relationship with the resulting grandchild? And again, if you think parenthood ends in 18 years after birth, you're not being realistic...parenthood is a lifelong job. Women should take this into serious consideration when having a child by a man who clearly expresses his feelings to not want to parent.
So as Jaded brought up, if a woman doesn't want the responsibility of motherhood but just wants to enjoy having casual sex would you recommend sterilization as a possible option? My daughter for instance can't take BC. She has tried many different kinds including IUD and it just makes her feel like crap. Should I tell her she better stop enjoying sex with her bf or get sterilized?
Adoption is an option. Abortion should not be used as repeated birth control. In your daughter's case, that's exactly what she would be doing if she relied on abortion purposely as her only means of birth control. She thinks birth control makes her miserable. The pain of a D&C is no day at the beach.
They do. But men don't have control over births or pregnancies. Lose respect? Why, because you want a relationship with the resulting grandchild? And again, if you think parenthood ends in 18 years after birth, you're not being realistic...parenthood is a lifelong job. Women should take this into serious consideration when having a child by a man who clearly expresses his feelings to not want to parent.
Really? Men have 50% of the control over pregnancies.
I am a parent, three times over. Those of us who have children we are proud of, raised them to take responsibility for their own sexual decisions, and the outcome of them. We live by example, and I have no doubt that my boys would make excellent fathers, when they are ready to do so. If they get a girl pregnant prior to that time, well, they'll learn on the fly. They won't walk away.
The grandparent comment is off-topic and uncalled for.
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