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I feel terrible that many innocent children are traumatized due to adults not handling the "minor" episodes rationally. Looking and touching are normal! If one child is using force to touch a child, this is abnormal. Sometimes, the negative reaction of adults results in the opposite...even more of an increase in interest. Oral contact is definately abnormal! Someone has introduced to the child information that is not age appropriate....even if it was another child. It is upsetting for parents to hear when their child has been violated, but it is also important for whatever occurred to be addressed in the manner that will not cause additional harm. Most touching episodes are totally innocent. Some aren't. Both are opportunities for parents to openly communicate with their own child regarding personal boundaries. It is easy to be subjective when one is on the outside looking in. I am not condemning responses to any of the personal experiences described, as my knowledge of the event(s) remains limited. Always take a step back and try to remember your own childhood and what the world felt like. Ask yourself how you would want to be communicated with, responded to and what interventions would have felt "safe". Would certain responses have made you feel more "uncomfortable" than others? Sometimes, the only intervention needed is in the form of unconditional reassurance and kind words. (this is pertaining to all the children involved)
I whole heartedly agree. Children do this at this age, harmless curiosity. What parents and school personell do to it, is incinuate alterior motives for this behavior, which I beleive is far more damaging, but they are just little children learning. As parents, it is our responsibility to teach them about boundaries.
my 5 yr old son just started tball. all of the kids goof around while waiting to bat, they'll flick each other's hats off or poke each other. last week, after the game, i talked to my son about "keeping your hands to yourself" and even prepped him before the game tonite, telling him that flicking hats or poking can quickly become annoying and lead to someone getting mad so to not participate. tonite, at the game, he was goofing around with another kid waiting to bat and he poked the kids in the penis. the kid's mom jumped up and told him, "don't ever do that again. please stop" i immediately pulled him over to where i was sitting and got stern with him while remaining calm, telling him he knew that touching other's privates in any way was not ok. he started crying, he is very empathtic especially when he thinks he has done something to cause someone negative feelings and so i hugged him, told him i loved him and that i was not happy he was crying, but i was happy he knew how serious it was. this is my oldest boy, i also have a 3 yr old and i'm not sure the best way to address it from here. i definitely don't want it to happen again.
Isn't it amazing that when we were kids we could play doctors and nurses or show me yours and I'll show you mine and still go home for tea,
Now we need visits to teachers, police, councillors, hospitals, mediation, medication.
I think its kids being kids.
Yes we do need to teach boundaries and kids need to learn to respect those boundariesbut we don;t need the spanish inquisition and the long drawn out process that seems to happen now.
Isn't it amazing that when we were kids we could play doctors and nurses or show me yours and I'll show you mine and still go home for tea,
Now we need visits to teachers, police, councillors, hospitals, mediation, medication.
I think its kids being kids.
Yes we do need to teach boundaries and kids need to learn to respect those boundariesbut we don;t need the spanish inquisition and the long drawn out process that seems to happen now.
although children are experimental and curious at this age and it is not unusual for them to attempt various acts with their bodies (ie: toys in butt, rubbing genitals, etc.) we must accept these acts as curiosity and not sexual as their sexual interest will not form until puberty. the best thing to do is remove the idea and the ability to be reminded of butts. second, dont ignore the possibility that he or a friend could have been sexually abused. i say a friend because children who are sexually abused often use another child to experiment with and share their experiences as their trust in adults is lost. trust is lost due to the common tale used by sexual abusers that parents dont need to know the "secret". have a psychologist check your child out. if there is a hint of sexual abuse in him continue treatment as not to breed another abuser. if there is a hint of another child sharing the experience, remove all contact between your child and that child, as not to breed an early sexual relationship with another child and feed the abusing. remember not to overreact because both are simply and only possibilities but you cant rule one out just yet. this is serious and can be detrimental to your childs psychological growth.
so, I should just talk to him more. The other issue is the other boys mom is pissed although I am thinking I do not expose him to sexual behaviors of my own becuase one I have no time for another person in my life and the other it is not appropiate because my son has been through alot with his father. The other is the other 5 year boy sleeps with mom and boyfriend in same room and they tried to say I expose my son to things to make him do things. My son is not perfect, but he has been through alot, but I talk to him about drugs and private parts and what boys and girls cannot do because he has been through a lot and has alot of anger. I have made a mistake here an there with letting him be around when I see once an a blue moon my shows or going to movies I believed thought were going to be appropiate. Nowa days, what can kids see then if not Spongebob that I thought was appropiate...He is ahead of the game for his age so, I am teaching him the dos and donts because we live in a real world and i work with kids with behavioral problems and drug issues so, I see alot .I struggle because I am a single parent student with a child that has been through alot, but I know he was not doing it with malintentions or sexual reasons because he said same as another person said he had things in his head mixed up and or confused and they were hard questions....should I punish him or should I just continue to talk to him and what to do with this other 5 year old mother whom is very anal in her way of thinking being that she is sleeping in the same room with her own son and boyfriend and from a tv show to real life things to this kid not be as social as mine also, disrespects his mother at every point and gets toys galore compared to my son whom gets what I can although, they are things that count not toys...and its one or two and he gets good grades and behaves at school and I not being exaggerated but I have a very intelligent son....knows computers and phones and all kinds of things and is nice to people respects others although every once in a while he messes up....
so, should just talk to him more. The other issue is the other boys mom is pissed although I am thinking I do not expose him to sexual behaviors of my own becuase one I have no time for another person in my life and the other it is not appropiate because my son has been through alot with his father. The other is the other 5 year boy sleeps with mom and boyfriend in same room and they tried to say I expose my son to things to make him do things. My son is not perfect, but he has been through alot, but I talk to him about drugs and private parts and what boys and girls cannot do because he has been through a lot and has alot of anger. I have made a mistake here an there with letting him be around when I see once an a blue moon my shows or going to movies I believed thought were going to be appropiate. Nowa days, what can kids see then if not Spongebob that I thought was appropiate...He is ahead of the game for his age so, I am teaching him the dos and donts because we live in a real world and i work with kids with behavioral problems and drug issues so, I see alot .I struggle because I am a single parent student with a child that has been through alot, but I know he was not doing it with malintentions or sexual reasons because he said same as another person said he had things in his head mixed up and or confused and they were hard questions....should I punish him or should I just continue to talk to him and what to do with this other 5 year old mother whom is very anal in her way of thinking being that she is sleeping in the same room with her own son and boyfriend and from a tv show to real life things to this kid not be as social as mine also, disrespects his mother at every point and gets toys galore compared to my son whom gets what I can although, they are things that count not toys...and its one or two and he gets good grades and behaves at school and I not being exaggerated but I have a very intelligent son....knows computers and phones and all kinds of things and is nice to people respects others although every once in a while he messes up....
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