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Lets look at the situation. As a stepfather I understand you.
Fact #1: You are afraid to do something, as you do not want to make her mother mad at you taking her daughters side.
Fact #2: Your wife knows her daughter is causing problems. Your wife is asking for your help, taking your place as her husband and help her solve the problem with her daughter. You are a wuss, and are not being a good helpful husband to your wife.
Fact #3: You say you don't want to tattle to your wife, things you know about her daughter. Boy are you wrong. You are her husband and it is your place to let her know of problems in your family (the 3 of you), and be there to help her solve them. You are not giving your wife the information and help she needs, to solve your daughter's problems. I said daughter, as in our family there is no such thing as step children. When we married, her son became my responsibility as long as he lived in the home that I and my wife were providing for him. You will have problems, as long as you feel you have no responsibility towards your step daughter, and she is your wife's problem not yours.
Any problems are your and your wife's problems, as long as she is living in your home. Your step daughter is still angry her father and mother got a divorce, and angry at you for coming into her mother's life. She is testing you, and you are letting her win every time. Your wife asks for you to step up and take your place as her husband, and help her handle her daughter. Your present attitude that the girl is her mother's problems and not yours, is leaving your wife out on a limb asking for help from a man who is not acting like a man but trying to run away from the problem. s
It is time for you to man up, and act like a man, and become the husband your wife is asking you to be. She wants the daughter to know you are now a big part of her life as well as her mother's, and she can no longer run all over you. There is no way your marriage can really become a true marriage, until you become a man, and a true husband to your wife.
There are other circumstances that can create liability for step parents. The car insurance is in my name even for cars that aren't in my name. If they own a house, that's a huge asset that's at risk if the step daughter kills someone while drunk driving.
Life isn't fair. It's a fact of life that we follow the rules of others and suffer the consequences when we don't. That's why we have laws, courts and jails. When she goes off to college, she'll have to obey dorm rules, and there will be consequences when she doesn't. Living with a step-parent is similar in this regard. Step parents shouldn't be castrated from having authority in their own households, especially when children are breaking the law.
Why would you carry insurance in your name for a car that isn't? And why would a step parent carry insurance for a child with two parents?
If the OP isn't an adoptive parent, or a legal guardian, he doesn't have to worry about the step daughter, except (and this is big) if he has shared assets with her mother. For that reason I would suggest an umbrella policy, which all parents of teens/young adults should carry. It isn't expensive when compared to the possible losses.
OP, make your stance clear with your wife, as far as what you do or don't find tolerable. But leave the discipline up to her.
Sooooo...... what are the biological mother and father doing about that?
Since you're woosie and spineless and apparently A-OK with sweeping underage drinking under the rug........ someone better be paying attention to that.
The last thing I want is for her to label me a snitch or something
I missed this gem.
Well, aren't you the Suge Knight of the step-father set. Despite being shot (in a public place with lots of innocent people around who could have ended up dead if the bad guy's aim was worse) he doesn't want to be a snitch either.
And YOU don't want to snitch on a 17-year old who is drinking. Gotta keep up the gangsta code?
Here's the thing: that 17-year old girl could affect innocent people too. Like anyone who is near her if she decides it's a good idea to drive after she's enjoyed a few. Do they count?
(You have NO idea how much I hope these types of first-time posts are the result of someone who has a lot of time on their hands and likes to play on the internet.)
Last edited by DewDropInn; 09-09-2014 at 03:57 PM..
I get that. But step-dad can refuse. That burden should not be on him.
It comes down to what's best for the family as a whole. Biology doesn't need to factor into it. At least in the healthiest stepfamilies I know it's not a burden. It's wasting family income to get separate policies when a single policy has a cheaper rate. If the step parent has the best health insurance coverage for a lower rate, it would be silly to put a child on the lesser coverage at a higher rate since the spouse/parent would be paying for the coverage out of the family income. Even if they kept the finances separate, any extra money spent out of one spouse's income is wasted family income overall.
Tell Mom to get her daughter into counseling. It is very common for girls who have gone through divorce to have a very twisted relationship with men, from hostility to promiscuity. If she's not relating to you, she's not relating to the boys her age either. Not your monkey, not your problem. Like she says, she'll be gone next year anyway. You might let her know you think she is screwed up and needs help.
Lets look at the situation. As a stepfather I understand you.
Fact #1: You are afraid to do something, as you do not want to make her mother mad at you taking her daughters side.
Fact #2: Your wife knows her daughter is causing problems. Your wife is asking for your help, taking your place as her husband and help her solve the problem with her daughter. You are a wuss, and are not being a good helpful husband to your wife.
Fact #3: You say you don't want to tattle to your wife, things you know about her daughter. Boy are you wrong. You are her husband and it is your place to let her know of problems in your family (the 3 of you), and be there to help her solve them. You are not giving your wife the information and help she needs, to solve your daughter's problems. I said daughter, as in our family there is no such thing as step children. When we married, her son became my responsibility as long as he lived in the home that I and my wife were providing for him. You will have problems, as long as you feel you have no responsibility towards your step daughter, and she is your wife's problem not yours.
Any problems are your and your wife's problems, as long as she is living in your home. Your step daughter is still angry her father and mother got a divorce, and angry at you for coming into her mother's life. She is testing you, and you are letting her win every time. Your wife asks for you to step up and take your place as her husband, and help her handle her daughter. Your present attitude that the girl is her mother's problems and not yours, is leaving your wife out on a limb asking for help from a man who is not acting like a man but trying to run away from the problem. s
It is time for you to man up, and act like a man, and become the husband your wife is asking you to be. She wants the daughter to know you are now a big part of her life as well as her mother's, and she can no longer run all over you. There is no way your marriage can really become a true marriage, until you become a man, and a true husband to your wife.
Thanks for the advice,
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