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I have to say who are we to judge how another person parents ? at least this dad is around and aware of what his kids are doing and because he sets down a punishment that most posters on here consider shameful we want to say it is not right what he is doing . Sorry but at least this dad steped up to the plate and did what he felt was right . I will not fault a parent for doing what they feel is right . I would rather see a dad lay down a punishment and be around than to not be around and not give out punishment . I say kudos to the dad and let us parent our own children .
I'd rather see parents use their brain to come up with logical consequences. They actually work.
For a minute let's try to put ourselves into this man's shoes.
Maybe he has seen many young people in his community turn to crime as a way of life. Maybe he has seen young men standing on street corners selling drugs, and maybe he has seen lots of them end up imprisoned or shot dead. Maybe he was raised the right way and saw a lot of his peers go down paths that he did not. He has a career as a barber, and does not seem to be freeloading off of the State.
Perhaps he knows that young men can be a tough raise and are easily influenced by peer pressure and the glamor of joining gangs. They see the guys who do crime for a living driving Escalades, wearing lots of gold, and living the good life, and that can be very seductive to young boys and even girls.
Maybe he had tried all the politically correct methods of reaching his kids and he saw that they were still not responding and paying attention in school. He evidently feels that a good education is important and he loves them enough to do whatever it takes to get them to take their education seriously. Sometimes tough love is the only option in some situations.
And, maybe he felt that even though this haircut thing was somewhat drastic, it was a far lesser evil than getting a call in the middle of the night to come get his kids out of jail, or to claim their body. Too many parents get those calls, and he doesn't want to be one of those statistics. When I saw his interview on TV he came across as caring and articulate.......not a monster who was out to harm his Sons in any way.
Those are the reasons I feel he was simply doing the best job he could in the most appropriate manner HE FELT would work. All we on here are doing is Monday Morning Quarterbacking because we do not live this man's life.
Don
I highly doubt an embarrassing haircut is going to keep a kid out of gangs and jail and off drugs. This father may have had the best of intentions, but humiliation is never and will never be an effective parenting technique. And I do understand the history and purpose behind black parents' often more harsh discipline of their children. The truth is, it's time for us to move past that and find better ways of handling our children. How is this child supposed to grow up feeling like a valued and capable member of society after being publicly humiliated and set up for a lifetime of taunting and degradation by his own parents?
When I acted up in school my mother threatened to go to school with me and sit there next to me throughout each class. She never had to follow through, but even if she had, that one day of embarrassment would have been enough. Embarrassment is uncomfortable but easy to get over. Humiliation lasts forever. Long after this kid's hair grows back, these pictures on the internet will always be around. Good intentions or not, it is wrong to publicly punish a child.
Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61
I have to say who are we to judge how another person parents ? at least this dad is around and aware of what his kids are doing and because he sets down a punishment that most posters on here consider shameful we want to say it is not right what he is doing . Sorry but at least this dad steped up to the plate and did what he felt was right . I will not fault a parent for doing what they feel is right . I would rather see a dad lay down a punishment and be around than to not be around and not give out punishment . I say kudos to the dad and let us parent our own children .
One of the reasons society is falling apart around us is because we aren't supposed to shame people anymore. That's too bad because shaming has historically been a highly effective method for discouraging unwanted behavior.
I have to say who are we to judge how another person parents ? at least this dad is around and aware of what his kids are doing and because he sets down a punishment that most posters on here consider shameful we want to say it is not right what he is doing . Sorry but at least this dad steped up to the plate and did what he felt was right . I will not fault a parent for doing what they feel is right . I would rather see a dad lay down a punishment and be around than to not be around and not give out punishment . I say kudos to the dad and let us parent our own children .
I agree the father is trying to do the right thing, but by taking his methods public, he invites judgement on both himself and his son. Why are these new, bizarre types of discipline being made general knowledge?
Quote:
Originally Posted by War Beagle
One of the reasons society is falling apart around us is because we aren't supposed to shame people anymore. That's too bad because shaming has historically been a highly effective method for discouraging unwanted behavior.
Feeling ashamed of oneself can bring positive changes in behavior. Public shaming causes resentment. This is public.
One of the reasons society is falling apart around us is because we aren't supposed to shame people anymore. That's too bad because shaming has historically been a highly effective method for discouraging unwanted behavior.
Exactly being PC is more important than common sense and common sense tells you that if you don't want something done , you do everything you can to discourage it .
This father just had a different method .
I have a better solution. Why not put misbehaving children in the stocks at a public square in every city? Those passing by could be encouraged to throw rotten fruit at them and hurl insults. That'll teach those kids!
Truly, I am surprised at the number of posts I find here in the parenting forum advocating harsh and punitive treatment for children.
I find it more a mirror into adults sometimes than a true reflection of the problems with their children.
I'd be interested to see how many people of the people who disagree with this would find it perfectly acceptable for someone to be sentenced to walk in front of a store with a "I am a shoplifter" sign on. Or.. How many people would find it acceptable for someone convicted of a DUI to have a special license plate showing that.. Could even throw sex offender registries in there for an extreme example.
Then come in the 'oh, but those are public safety issues...' arguments.
If you find shaming wrong.. How can someone agree with any of the above?
There was onc case where I saw it as fitting - where a 6th or 7th grade boy got in trouble at school for using grown up language. Dad shaved his head like this "if you want to talk like a grown up you can look like one" or something like that. That was fine. But doing it just for the sake of shaming your kid? Nah.
There was onc case where I saw it as fitting - where a 6th or 7th grade boy got in trouble at school for using grown up language. Dad shaved his head like this "if you want to talk like a grown up you can look like one" or something like that. That was fine. But doing it just for the sake of shaming your kid? Nah.
The old "You want to smoke, well here, we'll sit here until you smoke a whole carton" theory of parenting?
Not weighing in on whether it's right or wrong.. Just what came to mind.
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