Not inviting the whole class (toy, 7 year old, college, behavior)
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When DD was in kindergarten, there was only 7 kids in her class. We invited everyone, plus some other friends.
In 1st grade, there was 40 kids in her class. Eek! Fortunately it was a private school with a rule that kids are not supposed to invite classmates to fancy birthday parties. Great rule!
Why would a rule even be necessary? The only rule applied to birthday parties by schools involves distribution of invitations, not guest lists.
When my daughter was that age, she was the only child not invited to the party and was asked by the other kids why she didn't attend. If you don't invite everyone, make sure you let the families know that not all the kids have been invited and to please not say anything to those who are not invited. At that age, I think the parents should set the rule that all are included. Of course as the kids get bigger, it's expected that not everyone is invited. You can't keep kids from talking and four more little ones, unless a financial hardship, won't make that much of a difference.
Wouldn't be such a chore if parents weren't "obligated out of politeness or fear" to invite a class of 20-40 kids............
In the early grades, I hope there are 20 or less children in a class. As kids get older, they can invite only their friends because they don't pass out invitations at school.
The idea here is for preK, K and 1st grade that you invite all *if* you hand out the invitations at the school. Because we were knew to the area when my granddaughter was in K, we did invite the whole class and pass out the invites at school. We did NOT have names and addresses or emails so we could not have done otherwise even if we wanted to. Still there were only 17 kids in her class and not all of them came so it wasn't unmanageable. It was at an art place and the kids had a ball painting and getting messy.
We had that rule too, which I agree about. We had to give everyone a Valentines Card. I have a lot of emotional scars from grade school from being bullied and excluded and that's not one of them.
I am sorry for what you experienced. It is a such a vulnerable time in life.
I had an experience where there was to be a "gift exchange" in 6th grade. My mom and I went out and bought a gift for the designated child. The event came, and there I sat at my desk...no gift..others looking at me. It seems that one boy inevitably took an item from another and came and handed it to me. Now, I don't know what the problem was, maybe not all parents got involved in this, or the child did not tell them, the kid did not want to...bottom line, these kinds of things have an impact on a young soul. (Then there were the Valentines...). I was very shy in those days, we had moved far away to new area, and on top of that, the teacher would try getting everyone involved in something, like assigning me to be a "team captain" at one point, to bring me out of my shell, or whatever . Well, I did not want to draw attention to myself..and it was awful.
Just to mention, as an adult, there was a gift exchange at work (early '80's) where we were to spend at least a certain amount. The day came. There I sat at my desk, everyone asking to see "what I had gotten", which was a cheap, badly-painted figurine of a "woman sitting on a bench peeling apples", while others ran around showing their cute bracelets, etc. It felt humiliating, since every time I had to reopen to show someone, they could not refrain from a reacting in shock or laughter. I believe this "gifter" had done this purposely, being one of three in a "clique" (and born-again Christians), but the experience just brought me back to 6th grade.
A later time in another office, we were to do the same, spending a certain sum, while I got the one person who mistreated me, and I could not stand.. (One of God's little jests?). So, I followed the rules, found out what he liked, and chose something decent for him, while he gave me a screen-printed t-shirt, not my size, and knew he did not have to "spend money", because he had a relative "in that business". After this, I opted out of "exchanges". (I also recall years of having to be involved in coworkers' wedding showers, baby showers, weddings, office pot lucks... I don't know what goes on with this now in the workplace, but I think that it should just end).
I've never had to experience what was brought up by the OP.. and when I was young, this was not the deal, and being a summer-born child, would have a few neighborhood friends over. I think this has become too much, life is hard enough and from what I've read, it appears this "tradition" just creates more problems and is evident to be another way for some parents to affect a child's outlook.
When DD was in kindergarten, there was only 7 kids in her class. We invited everyone, plus some other friends.
In 1st grade, there was 40 kids in her class. Eek! Fortunately it was a private school with a rule that kids are not supposed to invite classmates to fancy birthday parties. Great rule!
I cannot begin to fathom how a school even if it is private can dictate what I do with my kids when not at school nor can I see how this could ever be a great rule. I understand where it is coming from but it just rubs me completely wrong.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tlarnla
Nobody's saying you can't invite " just a few" kids. People are saying it's wrong to invite everyone "except a few".
OP wanted to invite 11 out of 16 - 68% this is not "except a few" although even if it were, I am obviously not in the invite all camp regardless.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinawina
THANK YOU. Its kind of amazing how often this point keeps geting missed. LOL
Also where is this idea coming from that everyone does big parties out of obligation?
Many of the folks who responded to this thread feel that its all or nothing, that equates to large parties more often than not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nana053
In the early grades, I hope there are 20 or less children in a class. As kids get older, they can invite only their friends because they don't pass out invitations at school.
The idea here is for preK, K and 1st grade that you invite all *if* you hand out the invitations at the school. Because we were knew to the area when my granddaughter was in K, we did invite the whole class and pass out the invites at school. We did NOT have names and addresses or emails so we could not have done otherwise even if we wanted to. Still there were only 17 kids in her class and not all of them came so it wasn't unmanageable. It was at an art place and the kids had a ball painting and getting messy.
The OP followed the rule of not passing out at school, she sent an email evite as the school has requested when not planning to invite all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick
Probably because many here are insisting that the entire class be invited.
Entire class = bigger than we would ever do.
I don't understand why a child needs to invite a whole class to a birthday party. Why not limit to a few real friends who the child plays with? These parties are just getting out of hand imho.
Honestly, it is amazing how many people STILL can't comprehend such a simple sentence!
Quote:
Originally Posted by tlarnla
Nobody's saying you can't invite " just a few" kids. People are saying it's wrong to invite everyone "except a few".
Please see below
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech
How do you think your daughter would feel if everyone in the class but HER was invited? You have to show her that it's wrong to exclude people. Invite them all or invite none.
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Originally Posted by angiesu
Girls only or the entire class. Excluding only 4 is not very nice at this age. If my son was invited but his friend wasn't my son wouldn't go. I would think poorly of a parent that would exclude a such a small group of children. If it was my child that was excluded I would worry that something is wrong with my child, when all along it could be because he talks about Minecraft too much. I would not want another parent to feel that way nor would I want a young child to feel left out. I think since you posted this question that you feel its wrong to exclude them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND
You know the rules...and you are trying to go around them by evites....Tacky...And....Think about how your daughter would feel if she weren't invited and darn near the whole class was.
Bend the rules and I think you will be sitting a precedent for her......and it is just rude.
I think you say to your daughter....We have to invite the whole class....or not any of the class.. Then see what she says.
Otherwise, just have family and neighborhood friends...She is only going to be 6. Let her invite 6 friends/classmates. Next year she can invite 7....
Quote:
Originally Posted by In2itive_1
I am with you. It doesn't mean they will even want to come to the party either, but at least the parent does the right thing, having invited everyone. As you say, this sets a good example for the child, also.
I was never faced with this sort of thing and am from a different generation, but when I was a kid and we were handing out Valentine's cards for instance, it was to be that we included everyone in the class, though some did not follow through.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hypocore
My thoughts on birthday parties in Kindergarten are that they should include the entire class on the invites for several reasons.
First, as stated it's very hard to be the kid left out at that age, so at least give them the opportunity to be included.
Second, many kids don't know their peers very well at this point and seeing them outside the classroom environment gives them the chance to get to know them on a social level. (both good and bad)
Third, if you are having a party at any place that requires a minimum amount of attendees, then inviting just a few may result in only 1 or 2 actually showing up,
Fourth, and most important to me, it gives the parent an opportunity to meet other parents and learn more about them The more experience you have with them, the better you can judge who might be invited to future events and who might not.
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