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Well, I can tell you they absolutely do. My son refused to go out of his way to try and be friends with another boy on our street because that boy refused to let him play with his group on the playground in first grade.
I had to laugh when my son told me this years later - but that is something he never forgot. He's in college now (yes, he has friends) but you just never know what sticks with a kid.
Oh trust me I remember things from when I was 6 too. I was trying to play devils advocate. I was a popular 6 year old in my neighborhood but I still remember the time all of my friends except for me were invite to a girls house for ice cream making except for me. I should up on my bike and she told me there wasn't room for me. I remember her feeling bad about how she treated me after everyone found out about my accident a few years later and she felt sorry for me. The bad stuff that happened to me when I was 13 was much worse that the stuff that happened when I was 6. But the the things that happen when you are 6 could start a pattern among other children which was my point. But I'm a little surprised that was what you took away from my story.[/quote]
I apologize; I was in a hurry - trying to eat and get in some CD on my lunch hour (ish).
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamacatnv
Okay, so your son chose not to go out of his way to be friends with another kid due to some slight on the playground. What exactly is wrong with that?
A kid who is excluded from a party may not choose to pursue a friendship in later years and there is nothing wrong with that. We all make decisions and often those decisions are based on experiences but we can't expect our kids to go through life never experiencing disappointment or rejection or as may be the case, not being one of the top 10 friends, maybe they are #11th or 12th and the party kid can only invite 10. Its not always a personal attack, its often a choice of logistics.
My DD at age 12 was not invited to my cousins wedding because my cousin had a "no kids" wedding. My DD was the only "child" relative, all other family was invited. I think my cousin was short sighted but it was her wedding and DD stayed home. My DD is now almost 17 and still swears she is not inviting cousin to her (future) wedding, I just laugh at her. Sure I could have whined, moaned and thrown a general family fit but instead I told DD to suck it up buttercup, you're not invited, that is just the way it is and life goes on.
Well that's a whole different thing now isn't it? She wasn't invited just because her cousin didn't like her - there was a 'no kids' policy. Let's say all all the underage cousins were invited except your daughter. Different?
Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74
Is it really that hard to understand there is a difference between "some" kids being invited and "most" kids being invited? And that the latter would make a child feel excluded in a way that the former wouldn't?
It seems to be a distinction escaping many. I would say only that big parties like this last only a few short years. My son had a summer birthday but we also had a pool his parties were huge until about fifth grade. That's when he just started wanting maybe one or two over to go do something.
Inviting them doesn't mean that they'll show up. How many people actually attend parties or whatever when they're invited? Not many I would say.
You can't count on that. The huge party I mentioned earlier? We invited 70 kids....68 showed up and the two that didn't were out of town at a funeral or they would have been there to. I never thought all of them would show....but the rsvps just kept coming!
Well that's a whole different thing now isn't it? She wasn't invited just because her cousin didn't like her - there was a 'no kids' policy. Let's say all all the underage cousins were invited except your daughter. Different?
No, its not different. The 6 yr old niece of the groom WAS in attendance as the flower girl. My point was that while my DD was disappointed she stayed home, I didn't make a scene and I told her to suck it up, life is not always fair or equitable. I laugh at her when she says cousin will not be invited to her (future)wedding since I view that type of thing to be somewhat petty. I addressed her disappointment and we moved on. That was my point.
My daughter's birthday party is coming up. She is in kindergarten and turning 6. The school rule is that if you distribute invitations at school, you have to invite the whole class. My daughter does NOT want to invite 4 of the boys in the class, but she does want to invite the rest of the class (16 kids in the class, so inviting 11). I asked my daughter why she didn't want to invite those boys, and she gave answers like "all he talks about is dinosaurs and I don't like dinosaurs". I have the email list, so we are doing an evite style invitation which avoids breaking the rule. My question is, even though we are not breaking the rule, is it still tacky or bad taste to not invite 4 kids from a class of 16? It's not too late to add them to the evite.
Birthday party rule: Age of child is the number of guests to the party. 12 is ridiculous for a 6 year old. And it is certainly not tacky to not invite certain children. That's just nuts.
Birthday party rule: Age of child is the number of guests to the party. 12 is ridiculous for a 6 year old. And it is certainly not tacky to not invite certain children. That's just nuts.
What an arbitrary rule....that I think is ridculious.
Hey, I'm 56 and I just got dissed this way at work! One of my coworkers is leaving to go to another department. There is a group of us in this division who are in our 50s, including the person leaving. The others are in their 20s.
One guy stopped by to tell me that the 50s bunch all went out for drinks and appetizers after work on Wednesday as a send off to "Liz" and when she asked why I didn't come, they realized they'd forgotten to invite me. So he stops by to tell me that and says he'll remember me "next time". She's gone. There won't be any next time.
See? It doesn't end! I did feel a bit hurt about being so easy to forget about. I guess we're all still those kids inside.
Mamacatnv, let me get this straight, it is your opinion that kids today think that they are "entitled" to be invited to all birthday parties (in K no less) and that this is a bad thing, yet you think that a child who doesn't want to invite a few classmates out of an entire class to his or her party is NOT acting entitled? I don't know about you, but I want my kids to take other children's feelings into consideration and not just think about themselves in a situation like this. By telling a 5 year old that it is alright to exclude a few classmates aren't you just teaching your child that it's all about her and that if she doesn't want to be kind and gracious that's perfectly okay? It is her party after all. Yes, no wonder kids today think the world revolves around them. Entitled indeed.
I'd reduce the number of kids that can be invited to 6-8. Let your daughter invite any 6-8 children she wants to invite. That way there won't be any kids feeling like "the odd man out."
It's a different age, these days - kids are taught to be so entitled. Teach her limits. Starting with a limit on how many kids can come to her party. This was never a problem when we were growing up - there were never more than 10 kids at a party, even though it was a very close neighborhood and we all played with each other and hung out in each others' back yards. But if I didn't see Nancy at Susie's party, I knew I'd see her at Cindy's party. No one felt left out and no one's feelings were hurt and everyone got their turn at "the rounds" of the birthday party circuit.
I really hate the way the term "entitled" is laid on all kids these days. Entitled: believing oneself inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment. Kids are "entitled" to feel special on their birthday. Having a party with how ever many kids the parents deem appropriate does not make the kids worthy of a negative label.
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