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It is your home, you make the rules and if she doesn't like them tell her to find another place to live.
Yes, tell a ten year old to move out... Thats a great idea. And next week when she runs away, then what? Be glad that you don't have to see her greasy hair anymore?
Since she wants it to lay flat, maybe you should let her flat iron her hair (and use a heat protectant before actually using the flat iron). Is there a correlation between her hair maintenance and how she dresses (not style wise, but not caring about her appearance)?
I would think that eventually all that grease begins smells, right? I'm black, so I don't know what white people mean by greasy hair. To me greasy hair is hair with too much product. I'm guessing when you touch her hair, there's oil on your fingers. So, I don't have much to offer when it comes to a remedy.
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Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird
ONLY if she in comfortable with you doing it. If she isn't, it can traumatize a child in a way sexual abuse does.
Buy her some WEN products by Chaz Dean. :-) There really are people that don't use standard shampoo, ever. Chaz Dean is indeed a salon hair master, so his product is entirely credible.
I've dealt with kiddos that won't take a bath, lol. Talk about needing to be persuasive! In your case, it seems like she's telling you that she has a purposeful reason not to wash her hair, even if its not quite right. She's not just doing this to be filthy or whatever. Maybe there's a different shampoo you can try? Or, if she wants to put some oil back in her hair, there's products for that too. Actually, you can get away with a little olive oil too.
When I was 10, I had truly messy hair unless I kept it in a pony tail and braided up. My photos, lol! Does it photograph messy? You'll want to remember this to mortify her when she's 16, and older. What seems so bad now, will be tomorrow's fun memories.
My 10 yr old daughter has been refusing to wash her hair. She will shower and put a very small amount of shampoo on the top of her head and allow it to wash off. However, she refuses to actually wash her hair via rubbing the shampoo into her hair. As a result, the tope of her hair looks greasy and disgusting from the moment she steps out of the shower.
I asked my daughter why she likes her hair greasy. Response was 1) so her fine hair lays flatter than it already is and 2) it is easier to put into a bun for dance.
Last night I drew the line and insisted she re-wash her hair. She looked at me and calmly said 'no'. OMG. I told her she would lose her phone, kindle and TV. She said 'I don't care'. I sent her to her room. She didn't care.
She utterly refuses to wash her hair. Advice? Do I stubbornly continue to enforce the takeaways? Or give in under the idea of choosing my battles? This child is gifted in intelligence and normal in every other way. She's just brutally stubborn. BTW - I am a single parent so there's no backup to help me.
It seems a lot of posters expect the OP to put other people in the middle, such as teachers, peers, etc. Wait for someone else to tell her that her hair stinks! Usually, other people don't take it upon themselves to make such comments. If/when they do, the girl is probably an object of criticism and mockery.
As a parent, I would rather look my child in the eye and tell him his hygiene is unacceptable, than wait for an often unkind world to do so. My ds thought all he had to do was use deodorant to remove body odor, he didn't think a shower was necessary more than every week. I told him he smelled---bad! I also told him few people would tell him this directly. Instead, they would giggle behind his back, not invite him to social events, etc. He was also in love with that AXE. It has a very strong odor. Mixed with and adolescent's sweat, well, he was pretty disgusting. I explained that he didn't smell himself, because we all develop "olfactory fatigue"-- we get used to our own stink!
Also, my DD got pretty rank at times. Not due to lack of showers, but because she used a ton of scented body products, all which clashed with each other. I told her its best to use unscented everything--soap, shampoo, deodorant, etc, etc, then a light application of a high-quality perfume.
I disagree vehemently with the suggestion to cut the girls' hair. That is devastating! It can also be considered abuse by child services. How does cutting the hair keep it cleaner? Its usually the scalp that's the most oily, anyways! We wash our hair because its dirty/oily, not because its long!
I wrote in a previous post my parents complained I washed my hair too often, and it was a major source of stress in the family. I literally had to sneak around to wash my hair when they wouldn't notice. Finally, my mother made me get my hair cut short, because she figured it would be easier to care for. It was a disaster!It was still oily, but now flattened against my head, I had no styling options than wear the grease! The haircut was so short it looked like a guy. I was so humiliated. Yet, I still had to sneak around to wash it. Why do people think cutting hair makes it less oily?
In this day and age, if you force a child to have their hair styled in a way they disagree with, you could be cited for child abuse, and in this case, I agree!
BTW, I now wear my hair in a short"pixie cut" and it works just fine for me, but, I'm 60 years old! My hair is dry, thinning, turning into "old lady" hair. My short cut really is easy to care for. Just a quick wash, towel dry, scrunch in some gel or mouse, let air dry or blow dry on low, and I look great! But don't think what suits an "old lady" works the same for a young girl with thick, greasy hair. What works for one generation isn't the best for another!
My daughter has thick very long hair. She also does volleyball and gymnastics. She takes a shower everyday but washes her hair every other day. She has a really cute shower cap. Saves on time for late nights. She also loves to wear her hair in high buns, and dutch braids. As long as her does not stink she does not have to wash every day. However if it's an out door day and her hair smells sweaty, it gets washed. Now with thin hair it will get greasy but as long as it does not smell I don't think the grease is a bad thing. I wash mine every other day because I'm older and trying to combat the dryness. Maybe you can compromise and she wash every other day but the day she washes it, it gets a good scrubbing? I understand your frustration. My son does the same thing, but it's laziness. He now does a better job at washing his hair. I smell his hair at bed time and he knows this. Boys stink more than girls.
Since she wants it to lay flat, maybe you should let her flat iron her hair (and use a heat protectant before actually using the flat iron). Is there a correlation between her hair maintenance and how she dresses (not style wise, but not caring about her appearance)?
I would think that eventually all that grease begins smells, right? I'm black, so I don't know what white people mean by greasy hair. To me greasy hair is hair with too much product. I'm guessing when you touch her hair, there's oil on your fingers. So, I don't have much to offer when it comes to a remedy.
Where'd you get that from?
Demanding to view and groom a naked child who is embarrassed and doesn't want you in there is covert sexual abuse and damages.
Demanding to view and groom a naked child who is embarrassed and doesn't want you in there is covert sexual abuse and damages.
Who says anything about physically being in the shower with said child? It would be a lot easier to do it over the kitchen sink. (That's what my mom did.)
Cut it off. Then she won't need to put it in a bun for dance. At 10, her talking back to me would be a big issue to nip in the bud before she hits puberty.
Never take NO when you put the hammer down. That is a recipe for a future disaster. You are THE BOSS and the last word.
Don't give her any of her privileges until she APOLOGIZES. She wants respect? She has to give it.
When she apologizes then, tell her, "Ok I am willing to work this out to our mutual satisfaction, BUT you will not run around with dirty, unhealthy hair, do you understand? How about we go to the hair salon and get professional advice on how you want your hair to look. And what ever the professional says you will abide by OK."
And until she apologises for her behavior DO NOT TALK TO HER anymore than necessary. Silent treatment will break her will.
I not only thank God for the family I was lucky to be born in, but that they were rough at times when I was "acting like a child." Some of the things they did was the best things that prepared me to deal with life down the road. She will thank you someday for giving her a sound moral compass.
I would just leave her alone......big battle over a little greasy hair, SMH!!!!!!
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Hammer down.........
