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This is not a question directly meant for you OP but why do people without kids think that people with children are sitting around judging them? I have kids and I personally don't care what other people choose to do with their lives. I have friends without children and the subject of babies rarely comes up. Parents are capable of having conversations about things other than their children. I used to have lunch with a group of my female coworkers once and week and we hardly ever talked about children. Being a parent doesn't automatically make you boring.
And no I'm not jealous of my childless friends. Just because people have kids doesn't mean that they hate their lives. So my childless friends get to sleep in on weekends. Once kids are older parents can sleep in too. I have a fifteen month old and last Sunday I slept until 11:00am. I actually sleep in every Sunday because my sweet husband wakes up with the baby and takes her to the park so I can have a little time to myself. Sure, I have days when I wish I could spontaneously jet off to Paris but realistically I couldn't do that even if I didn't have children.
OP, it's your life, who cares what other people think. If someone asks you if you have kids say no. If they ask you why then tell them it's none of their business. If having kids is something that you do really want to do then lose the weight (I know it's not quite that simple) and see a fertility specialist. It might be too late but it might not be. If you really don't want kids then it's time to let go of the guilt and shame and find happiness in what you do have.
Ever since the very first time I was asked how many children I wanted when I grew up, I've always answered with "none". I don't even know how old I was at the time, but I know that has always been my answer.
When I was younger, I was always told "you'll change your mind" or "it is so much different when they are yours", and the like.
As I've gone through most of my child bearing years (I'm 37) and people ask me how many children I have, and I have continued to respond the same way, people have begun to change that to "I'm so sorry" and "It isn't too late, I know the name of a good in-vitro doctor" and "you could always adopt" and the like.
Sometimes people just don't understand that some people just don't want kids. I don't know why that is such a problem for some, but it really is. The reason childless people think they are being judged is that they often are. You have to learn to be ok with that. I feel the same way about people who choose to have more kids than they can afford to raise, even if the choice was just choosing not to use freely available birth control.
My sister just had twins, and my husband's siblings have 5 so far between them. Being an aunt is more than plenty for me.
To the OP, I would guess that you don't really regret it, but rather are being made to feel guilty by those around you. I would suggest seeing someone you can talk to. You do sound depressed (not judging, I was on depression medication myself for a while about a decade ago and it worked wonders). Many of the words used in your post (I started listing them, but it was too many) are indicators of depression. Please see someone. Getting the right medication for depression can change your life.
No its not shamefull. As opposed to the people who have kids and cant raise them properly or don't have enough money to raise them. Yea such a shamefull thing to want to wait until you can provide for them or not have any at all. And honestly the way the world is going these days I think its almost child abuse to even have kids anymore.
OP, While you are thinking about having kids, you should also be thinking about ditching a few of your "friends". If any of my friends were rude to me they wouldn't be my friends for long.
I'm almost 41 and although I never wanted kids in the past I'm now regretting it. I have friends that keep saying "you can still have one" even after I ask them to please not say that. I think it's rude. My husband and I both work full time and can't afford not to. I'm struggle with 30/40 extra lbs. I have thyroid issues, highly stressed and at this point it would be risky....I just feel like people just don't relate to me anymore....friends with kids are more distant now. When I'm with people with kids thats all they talk about. People that meet me seem to wonder why we didn't have kids. When people ask if I have kids and I say no just dogs I feel an awkward silence afterwards. It's almost like I feel completely useless as a person. It consumes me now. I don't know why I just didn't try for a child in my early thirties....I was just so scared of being pregnant and dealing with more weight gain since I always struggled with it. The worst is when you find out someone you know in their 40's who you never thought would ever have a child is now pregnant.
No it's not shameful that you don't have children.
The worst is when you find out someone you know in their 40's who you never thought would ever have a child is now pregnant.
I guess I know now, how horrible people felt when they found out I was pregnant at age 42. I'm one of those people everyone thought would never have a baby; and shame on me, I did anyway.
We didn't, and don't regret it most of the time. On occasion you can't help but think how much it would help to have a child when we can't do something or need a hand. And it will be extra rough on the one of us that lives the longest. But overall, we made the decision we would rather have plenty of money and time to live life on our terms. Selfish perhaps, but it was right for us, and it sounds right for you.
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