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Let dad and the kids figure out doctor appointments, school stuff, etc.
After a week, they will appreciate all you do!
Lol. Last spring I made a house hunting trip...alone. Gasp. Daddy stepped up and did great (I did have a lot put in place to make it easier for him). He was soooooo glad when I was home though. But I thought he had done it all without too much trouble. A month later for Mother's Day one of his assistants sent me a lovely gift and a card begging me never go go away again. Lol. Apparently while he played mr mom, she picked up all the slack at work. It was so funny. She even came up to me at his going away party and hugged me and told me how much he needed me.
This is going to sound insensitive, but are your kids actually special ed or is it just one of those minor things that they call special ed now (listening disability, speech disability, etc.)? If the kids have something like down syndrome or cerebral palsy, then staying home is probably the logical choice. If its one of the new-fangled fake special ed statuses, I'd say get a job.
Assuming the special ed situation isn't a huge deal, 8 and 10 year olds are old enough for mom to work. You admitted you have a housekeeper and you don't have a job. If I were your husband I'd cut the funding off for that immediately. That's just ridiculous.
You need to ask yourself why you don't/can't work? Are you afraid of going back into the job market? Due to your husband's success, are you too proud to take a lower-level job? Or is it really that you just don't want to work? It seems to me that a lot of SAHM make excuses as to why it is so crucial that they don't work because, let's face it, most people don't want to go to a job. All working parents have to take kids to appointments and do shopping, so things like that aren't valid excuses in my book.
At the very least, I'd investigate a part-time job or a pretty meaty volunteer project. It's clear you are already having self-esteem doubts and those will only continue to get worse.
Yeah it sounds insensitive. I'm not going to broadcast my kids special needs (they both actually have more then one significant issue), but can assure you they aren't new fangled and quite real.
I feel pretty lucky right now my husband is who he is, and not like you. We are both more then happy to pay a housekeeper for their professional work. It's surprisingly not easy, especially with a 5500 foot home.
Why I don't work is because I am so overwhelmed with my kids issues to take that on too. And we don't need the money. Unless I went back to my old profession, I'd be making a week less then my husband makes a day. It's just not worth what we would have to pay for a nanny.
They can't appreciate what you do, really, because they are so accustomed to you doing it, but they certainly can and should be educated about it. Your husband also could help with this. My husband never tolerated our boys disrespecting me.
I guess most of their friends have two working parents???
Their friends have a variety of home situations. I think my kids tend to idealize other people's lives. Our next door neighbor is a stay at home mom and she is always playing with her daughter who is an only child and much younger then my kids. And they say "mom, why don't you play with us?" I actually do play with them a lot (not so much with toys but at the park, wrestle, etc). But they are older and not only children. When they were little, I played with them all the time.
We went to a play date at a friends house. Lovely house but tiny. Much older then our home. On the way home from the play date they asked me why we don't have a nice house like their friends. I'm like....huh?
I personally don't agree. There are a number of reasons, but a big one is insight into the child's life as they mature. My friend (with adult children) was saying that the most important time she felt for a SAH parent is middle and high school to help navigate through development issues and help solving emotional issues at that time. It's easy to forget about these times, and coming back after work it is hard to really get into these topics with children. Just an opinion. Fewer, but more complex issues. I'm not a stay at home, btw.
I have heard this from a lot of moms with older kids. And I have two grown kids as well. There is a lot to be said for being around for your kids as they mature and need guidance. And rides to all their events, etc.
I think by 8 and 10, you probably should be back workingThe hard part of raising a child is over Money might be ok now, but what are you going to do once they need cars and paying for college, and by that time your skills, whatever they were, are completely eroded and are unemployable. And what happens if you get a divorce? At that age and no job?
I think you should probably get back to work
Wont be a very popular opinion, but it's the truth. I don't think it's your place for the kids to be telling you that, but I tend to agree with them.
The fact that so many people opt out of choosing the home job (that you are doing) speaks volumes to just how demanding and difficult that JOB can be! Oh yes, and pretty much thankless in some cases like yours.
Many of us know the reality of what your job entails and therefore we uplift, compliment, support, dote on, and thank our wives, mothers, sisters, Mr. Moms, or any others who have chosen such a monumental task.
Now admittedly and obviously there are those who really don't do/aren't doing a great job rearing children and the 'hamster wheel'-- work around the house. I tend to wonder if they should be reproducing and attempting that job/role at all, when really they should have skipped parenthood altogether and concentrated on a career outside of the home.
OP- even with your admitted slack areas (housework) you are engaged in a very tough vocation. It sounds to me like you need to approach your own parenting job with more reverence. You need to allow yourself to fully acknowledge the sacrifice and demands involved in the choice you've made in staying home to work with and for your children. For you are truly in their employ. Otherwise, people wouldn't be paying nannies, housekeepers, babysitters, cooks, dry cleaners, educators, etc., etc. big bucks to do those very things.
Good advice. Thanks. In the car just now, driving my kid to an appointment of course, I realized that I am feeling a little low about it all because I do sacrifice so much and it doesn't feel like it's appreciated.
I have a son with special needs, Down syndrome and he functions at the 40 month level. When he attended school, they were always calling me at work or wanting me to come to a meeting in the middle of the afternoon. Even when I asked that they call my husband who was home during the day since we worked different shifts, they still called me.
Eventually, I went to part-time work or on-call. The thing is, it never felt like a real job to me and wasn't considered on by just about anyone else.
What I would do since the children appear high-functioning is make a list of all the things done, have a family meeting and say that if I went back to work, we needed to have volunteers who will take over the chores that mom can't do once she takes a job outside the house. To me, this is logical. It will establish whether or not it would be possible for mom to work.
I am guessing someone is feeding this curiosity in the kids, either kids at school, neighbors or relatives.
I like that logical way of impressing upon them what mommy really does.
I think the reason you keep getting pressured by them over this is because of the fact that they are special needs, especially if it is a condition like autism. They are smart, but just not going to "get it" the way other kids might concerning everything that you actually do for the family even without having a job. They are just accustomed to thinking that adults have jobs and they are not going to realize the emotional impact on you concerning their comments.
In my opinion, you should stop looking for their appreciation in this aspect, and concentrate on simply having their love. If you have that, then you don't need anything else.
Wow, you keep outdoing yourself. I can't believe you are this arrogant. Did I not mention my kids are special needs children. We have daily therapy (ot, put, speech) appointments. Tutoring. Lots and lots of doctors appointments. Weekly meetings with teachers. I have to help them with homework, and not the regular way. It take forever. I have to deal with some really emotionally draining situations regularly. You are worse then my kids.
No need to justify why you need to stay home (which isn't really STAYING home is it). You know you do, end of story. I agree with not doing the things you do so they can SEE what happens when you don't. Or when they say it's time for this or that or I need help with this, ask them to figure out how to do it on their own. When they realize they NEED you it might click that your job is taking care of them.
Another thing to remember is that they are kids and there are even adults (see below) who don't understand what it takes to be a SAHM. My kids are "normal" and I am running all day! I did not understand how much my mom did for us until I was an adult living on my own. And it didn't REALLY sink in until I became a parent myself. It's one of those things that most people don't fully understand until they live it themselves.
Next time they say something, I would tell them that there a lots of ways for family members to contribute to a household, money isn't the only way and that they are all equally important. Tell them that you have your whole life to work outside the home, but the only chance you'll have to be there for them and to make sure their needs are met is right now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by War Beagle
This is going to sound insensitive, but are your kids actually special ed or is it just one of those minor things that they call special ed now (listening disability, speech disability, etc.)? If the kids have something like down syndrome or cerebral palsy, then staying home is probably the logical choice. If its one of the new-fangled fake special ed statuses, I'd say get a job.
Assuming the special ed situation isn't a huge deal, 8 and 10 year olds are old enough for mom to work. You admitted you have a housekeeper and you don't have a job. If I were your husband I'd cut the funding off for that immediately. That's just ridiculous.
You need to ask yourself why you don't/can't work? Are you afraid of going back into the job market? Due to your husband's success, are you too proud to take a lower-level job? Or is it really that you just don't want to work? It seems to me that a lot of SAHM make excuses as to why it is so crucial that they don't work because, let's face it, most people don't want to go to a job. All working parents have to take kids to appointments and do shopping, so things like that aren't valid excuses in my book.
At the very least, I'd investigate a part-time job or a pretty meaty volunteer project. It's clear you are already having self-esteem doubts and those will only continue to get worse.
Lol. Last spring I made a house hunting trip...alone. Gasp. Daddy stepped up and did great (I did have a lot put in place to make it easier for him). He was soooooo glad when I was home though. But I thought he had done it all without too much trouble. A month later for Mother's Day one of his assistants sent me a lovely gift and a card begging me never go go away again. Lol. Apparently while he played mr mom, she picked up all the slack at work. It was so funny. She even came up to me at his going away party and hugged me and told me how much he needed me.
And if he is like most husbands and most bosses he probably still felt that he did both jobs completely on his own without anyone doing extra prep work in advance (like you did) or someone "picking up the slack" at work (like his assistant and others probably did at work).
Did he even acknowledge the extra advance work that you did or all of the extra work that his staff did while you were gone?
Perhaps he gave it "lip service" but he truly understand and acknowledge it?
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