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Their friends have a variety of home situations. I think my kids tend to idealize other people's lives. Our next door neighbor is a stay at home mom and she is always playing with her daughter who is an only child and much younger then my kids. And they say "mom, why don't you play with us?" I actually do play with them a lot (not so much with toys but at the park, wrestle, etc). But they are older and not only children. When they were little, I played with them all the time.
We went to a play date at a friends house. Lovely house but tiny. Much older then our home. On the way home from the play date they asked me why we don't have a nice house like their friends. I'm like....huh?
There is something here that is not sitting right with me. Not just the why don't you have a job question but the entire sense that somehow you are not providing them with enough of the "good stuff" and that they doubt their stuff. The default attitude of "why not" or "why don't we" is troubling a little. Unfortunately I have not a clue what to do about it without knowing the root cause.
I remember my son asking me if we were poor when I was homeschooling them. I was like hells no. We have clean running water, HOT water, three meals a day, a roof, heat, a car. Is there a way to help your kids get acclimated to gratitude for all the awesome stuff they DO have?
And if he is like most husbands and most bosses he probably still felt that he did both jobs completely on his own without anyone doing extra prep work in advance (like you did) or someone "picking up the slack" at work (like his assistant and others probably did at work).
Did he even acknowledge the extra advance work that you did or all of the extra work that his staff did while you were gone?
Perhaps he gave it "lip service" but he truly understand and acknowledge it?
He was quite sheepish when i read him the card. But I think he was coming from the right place. I think he wanted me to know I could go away for a few days if I wanted or needed to and he would step up. It was the first time I had gone anywhere without kids in 15 years. Besides the hospital. And when I was in the hospital and sick for a few days, we had to hire a nanny to stay at the house the whole time.
My kids are 20 and 15 (almost 16). One in college one in high school. Both live at home. Both handle their own transportation so I'm no longer having to drive them around everywhere. There is still a lot to do! (Who said the hard part of raising kids is done by ages 8 & 10? No parent ever!? lol)
OP: I would suggest doing something for YOU. I was in a situation similar to yours for many years, over a decade actually. Though my kids never asked me when I was going back to work, but they did seem to not really have an appreciation for everything I do simply because I had always been there doing it, so they knew nothing else. My whole life revolved around my kids and my husbands schedules. Over time, my bucket became empty, and I began having low self esteem. I had to make a change. I had always volunteered at the kids schools, but I decided to volunteer at a place that wasn't child-focused. I did that for awhile, and that turned into a job which I did and enjoyed for awhile. That was OK. But now I am back in school. It actually really does feel good to attend classes and do something for myself, away from kids/husband/house. My kids and husband are proud of me, and we also have more things to talk about. And even though I am busier than ever, I feel more relaxed. Just reading your posts, it sounds like doing something away from kids/husband/house might help you to value yourself more, too. Making time to focus on other things... things outside of kids/husband/home - it really helps you be a better mom/wife/homemaker. It's an odd sort of thing, but I have found it to be true.
I guess it goes back to that... it's not the quantity, but the quality. When kids are little, they need more of your time, but as they grow, they need you in different ways. You get some of your time back.
My kids are 20 and 15 (almost 16). One in college one in high school. Both live at home. Both handle their own transportation so I'm no longer having to drive them around everywhere. There is still a lot to do! (Who said the hard part of raising kids is done by ages 8 & 10? No parent ever!? lol)
OP: I would suggest doing something for YOU. I was in a situation similar to yours for many years, over a decade actually. Though my kids never asked me when I was going back to work, but they did seem to not really have an appreciation for everything I do simply because I had always been there doing it, so they knew nothing else. My whole life revolved around my kids and my husbands schedules. Over time, my bucket became empty, and I began having low self esteem. I had to make a change. I had always volunteered at the kids schools, but I decided to volunteer at a place that wasn't child-focused. I did that for awhile, and that turned into a job which I did and enjoyed for awhile. That was OK. But now I am back in school. It actually really does feel good to attend classes and do something for myself, away from kids/husband/house. My kids and husband are proud of me, and we also have more things to talk about. And even though I am busier than ever, I feel more relaxed. Just reading your posts, it sounds like doing something away from kids/husband/house might help you to value yourself more, too. Making time to focus on other things... things outside of kids/husband/home - it really helps you be a better mom/wife/homemaker. It's an odd sort of thing, but I have found it to be true.
I guess it goes back to that... it's not the quantity, but the quality. When kids are little, they need more of your time, but as they grow, they need you in different ways. You get some of your time back.
You are 100% right. I really do need to be doing more for myself. I guess I feel like I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop right now. We had a big move, lots of issues with the kids. Just right now we are being referred to a load of specialists to try and find some answers out about my sons perplexing cluster of developmental, health and behavior issues. It's been really scary because they are throwing around a lot of scary potential diagnoses. I'm also struggling with some health issues as well. So I keep saying...when I get more unpacked I will get out and start doing things I enjoy. When we get to the bottom of what's going on with my son I will start volunteering. Etc. I might just be waiting forever at this point. I did start therapy again, which I need for my mental health. Especially with so much going on.
There is something here that is not sitting right with me. Not just the why don't you have a job question but the entire sense that somehow you are not providing them with enough of the "good stuff" and that they doubt their stuff. The default attitude of "why not" or "why don't we" is troubling a little. Unfortunately I have not a clue what to do about it without knowing the root cause.
I remember my son asking me if we were poor when I was homeschooling them. I was like hells no. We have clean running water, HOT water, three meals a day, a roof, heat, a car. Is there a way to help your kids get acclimated to gratitude for all the awesome stuff they DO have?
I agree...I don't know how to instill gratitude. I am clueless. I grew up very poor and I was grateful all the time. Grateful for food, if I got a new shirt or some one bought me a gift. It came naturally to me. My kids have so much. But don't seem grateful. And I don't know how to teach them that.
My kids were born into 3rd world poverty, and we adopted them as infants. And I don't want to rub poverty in their faces. We adopted families for Christmas and that didn't seem to translate for them. They both have empathy. It's not that. They just don't know how good they have got it.
I agree...I don't know how to instill gratitude. I am clueless. I grew up very poor and I was grateful all the time. Grateful for food, if I got a new shirt or some one bought me a gift. It came naturally to me. My kids have so much. But don't seem grateful. And I don't know how to teach them that.
My kids were born into 3rd world poverty, and we adopted them as infants. And I don't want to rub poverty in their faces. We adopted families for Christmas and that didn't seem to translate for them. They both have empathy. It's not that. They just don't know how good they have got it.
I guess I am maybe more practical and straight forward, but I would just say something. We don't have a nice house like they have because we have a nice house like WE have. And gee you know, you should think about your gratefulness for all the good stuff you DO have.
Bear in mind I have no knowledge of how that translates to their special needs.
My kids who are about the same ages ask me when I'm going to quit my job! I used to be a SAHM until they went to kindergarten. Honestly I am a bit envious of the other moms in my neighborhood who stay home, they have kids around the same ages as mine. They post stuff on their Facebook pages of events that they attended at the school and it's hard sometimes seeing them post. I make it to a few events per year, but sometimes I can't get the time off. I would love to be there for them when they got out of school. Part-time is not an option where I work.
Give yourself some credit, OP, from a former SAHM. Just because your spouse has a fabulous job doesn't make yours less important.
My kids who are about the same ages ask me when I'm going to quit my job! I used to be a SAHM until they went to kindergarten. Honestly I am a bit envious of the other moms in my neighborhood who stay home, they have kids around the same ages as mine. They post stuff on their Facebook pages of events that they attended at the school and it's hard sometimes seeing them post. I make it to a few events per year, but sometimes I can't get the time off. I would love to be there for them when they got out of school. Part-time is not an option where I work.
Give yourself some credit, OP, from a former SAHM. Just because your spouse has a fabulous job doesn't make yours less important.
It is funny, when I worked, they were so jealous of the time I spent away from them. My job had me working evenings and weekends quite often and they hated it, totally hated it. I think they would hate it again if I went back to work.
It is funny, when I worked, they were so jealous of the time I spent away from them. My job had me working evenings and weekends quite often and they hated it, totally hated it. I think they would hate it again if I went back to work.
Perhaps you should remind them of those things. "Remember when I couldn't take you to your cousins birthday party because I had to work? Remember how you hated that I couldn't have dinner with you every night and missed your school parties? Remember how you couldn't be in Boy Scouts because I had to work?" (my 32 year old son still ocassionally mentions that to me).etc etc
You are 100% right. I really do need to be doing more for myself. I guess I feel like I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop right now. We had a big move, lots of issues with the kids. Just right now we are being referred to a load of specialists to try and find some answers out about my sons perplexing cluster of developmental, health and behavior issues. It's been really scary because they are throwing around a lot of scary potential diagnoses. I'm also struggling with some health issues as well. So I keep saying...when I get more unpacked I will get out and start doing things I enjoy. When we get to the bottom of what's going on with my son I will start volunteering. Etc. I might just be waiting forever at this point. I did start therapy again, which I need for my mental health. Especially with so much going on.
How about getting involved with the school? PTA work is volunteer, and it doesn't obligate you too heavily, but it is definitely work. Moreover, the kids can actually see the results of your work in their own lives, and they can actually see you working at something that matters to them personally.
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