Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
We've had some issues with this. My in-laws go way overboard on gifts IMO. The fact that they want to make sure the kids know it is from them overrides any practicality issues, too. For instance, they will order something large in size online and have it shipped to their house in another state, so that the kids can open it on Christmas, then we have to either cram it in the car for the drive back, pay to ship it, or pay for an extra airline bag to get it home, when they could have had it delivered directly to our house.
Many times their gifts have been the biggest or best. Growing up, my grand parents had a lot of grand kids, and never spent much on us, so I'm not used to this. IMO, it is my place to buy the bikes and electronics, not theirs.
I'm glad someone else gets that. My in-laws go way over the top with Christmas and sometimes I feel like they are trying to buy my kids (they like to remind them that that toy or shirt or whatever came from them) or out do us. My husband doesn't make tons of money, so we don't get to buy them stuff that often so we try to get them special things at Christmas, but then here comes the truckload of goodies from gma and gpa. Usually they don't get overly expensive things, but the quantity is a lot.
They have bought some expensive things without asking though and it kinda irks me. My BIL got our daughter a bike a couple years ago and I was crushed, because your first bike is something you always remember and it was definitely something that I wanted to come from us. My husband felt the same way, so we thanked BIL and told him our feelings, then returned it (daughter never saw it), but ever since BIL has only sent gift cards (I think that has more to do with getting married though as we have barely been a blip on his radar since then). We also said no to a large backyard play structure. Thankfully they had to ask us something about it before they ordered it, otherwise I think it would have just shown up! (We were debating a move across town BTW, that we weren't ready to discuss; we followed through, so it would have been a waste of money.)
Idk, getting big gifts from someone other than us just feels inappropriate to me, especially without prior consent.
So set the boundaries and stick to them, we never allowed expensive gifts from others but we did not purchase expensive gifts or allow a large quantity of gifts either.
So set the boundaries and stick to them, we never allowed expensive gifts from others but we did not purchase expensive gifts or allow a large quantity of gifts either.
What do you do when someone buys one anyway? Be rude and not accept it? Be the "bad guy" and refuse it after the kid has already opened it?
We've had some issues with this. My in-laws go way overboard on gifts IMO. The fact that they want to make sure the kids know it is from them overrides any practicality issues, too. For instance, they will order something large in size online and have it shipped to their house in another state, so that the kids can open it on Christmas, then we have to either cram it in the car for the drive back, pay to ship it, or pay for an extra airline bag to get it home, when they could have had it delivered directly to our house.
Many times their gifts have been the biggest or best. Growing up, my grand parents had a lot of grand kids, and never spent much on us, so I'm not used to this. IMO, it is my place to buy the bikes and electronics, not theirs.
Thank you. This is how I feel too (and your in-laws sound like mine in this regard).
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610
So set the boundaries and stick to them, we never allowed expensive gifts from others but we did not purchase expensive gifts or allow a large quantity of gifts either.
It's hard. The gifts have been more modest, but the number increased :/. We used to send them lists as a guide, which helped, because they have bought things that weren't very appropriate. We didn't do that last year, so they went a bit nuts. They already shopped for most of the stuff this year, so it's too late.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
What do you do when someone buys one anyway? Be rude and not accept it? Be the "bad guy" and refuse it after the kid has already opened it?
I let my kids have it for a week or so then it disappears. I'm not sure what else to do. My husband has had to explain some things to them a couple times, but they don't get it (or don't want to)... sigh.
I let my kids have it for a week or so then it disappears. I'm not sure what else to do. My husband has had to explain some things to them a couple times, but they don't get it (or don't want to)... sigh.
That's what I plan to do, when the time comes that the ex buys something, lets LO open it, then I decide it's not appropriate (he is clueless about children). Pretty sure those gifts are going to magically get "broken" rather quickly and then donated.
My SIL always gets my kids extravagant gifts. She loves doing it, I am not in the least bit offended. The kids know she is giving them something very special and really appreciate it. I do as well.
My SIL isn't doing it to buy my kid's affections. She really enjoys it. She sees something she knows one of them will like and gets it for them. It's from a good place. I think someone's intentions creates an entirely different meaning.
My philosophy: If it's something thoughtful that my kids will love and can use, what the hell is wrong with that?
No ego in it like, "Wah! I wanted to be the one to buy him xyz!"
Who cares where they get it?
Yeah, I am in this camp. My kids have 5 aunts and uncle and grandparents on my side who all have grown kids or no kids and are also very well off. They all love doting on my kids because they are all little. They all have given pricey gifts or just cash (it's an Asian thing) for Christmas and I don't mind. It's not about me - it's about the kids.
We don't do the Santa thing so my kids all know who the gifts are from.
Also, I have never heard of certain gifts being designated for parents by tradition like a bike. Maybe I have heard of taking a kid on their first bike ride but not the former.
I guess I don't understand why it's a bad thing. So far in this thread, it seems like a lot of the posters want to be the "star gift giver" for a lack of a better term during these special occasions and I don't understand that. It's about the kids, right?
I'm glad someone else gets that. My in-laws go way over the top with Christmas and sometimes I feel like they are trying to buy my kids (they like to remind them that that toy or shirt or whatever came from them) or out do us. My husband doesn't make tons of money, so we don't get to buy them stuff that often so we try to get them special things at Christmas, but then here comes the truckload of goodies from gma and gpa. Usually they don't get overly expensive things, but the quantity is a lot.
Why do you feel like they have ulterior motives? Maybe in their own way, they are just trying to help.
In 2006, before I had any kids, my sister was laid off and barely making ends meet. My sister LOVES everything Christmas (and all the other big holidays). She always go all out with the traditions the decor, the cookies, etc. But that year, she knew that the kids if anything wouldn't get any gifts (she has 4 kids). Well, my sister is my dearest and best friend. So, I picked up the slack and bought my nieces and nephew awesome Christmas gifts that year - things that I knew she would get them if she had the money. BTW, I labeled everything "from Santa" (even though I don't do the whole Santa thing).
She was very thankful. She knew I wasn't trying to steal her thunder. Once again, it wasn't about me or about her - it was about her 4 kids.
Yeah, I am in this camp. My kids have 5 aunts and uncle and grandparents on my side who all have grown kids or no kids and are also very well off. They all love doting on my kids because they are all little. They all have given pricey gifts or just cash (it's an Asian thing) for Christmas and I don't mind. It's not about me - it's about the kids.
We don't do the Santa thing so my kids all know who the gifts are from.
Also, I have never heard of certain gifts being designated for parents by tradition like a bike. Maybe I have heard of taking a kid on their first bike ride but not the former.
I guess I don't understand why it's a bad thing. So far in this thread, it seems like a lot of the posters want to be the "star gift giver" for a lack of a better term during these special occasions and I don't understand that. It's about the kids, right?
I think for me, it's because they always remind them that they bought them the gift. "You like your new doll, good. GMA and GPA got that for you." "Is that your favorite shirt, we bought that for you." Idk. My parents have gotten them biggish things a couple times, but never rubbed it in their faces lol. I never got any crazy gifts from my relatives. They always got us modest things, while my parents got us the bigger stuff.
Also bigger gifts usually mean more responsibility. I might not have gotten them something yet, because I don't want to have to deal with it and buying it without consent may burden the parents with something they don't want to worry about yet.
Never been an issue for us, no one is buying extravagant presents for my kid but I don't think I'd mind if they did. Her dad does go a bit overboard in the sense that he buys her presents when its not Christmas or her birthday but I know that's because he feels bad that he doesn't see her much so he's trying to compensate, it would be cruel for me to tell him no.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
