Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My husband is an introvert and I'm kind of a hybrid introvert/extrovert. I always made she he didn't have to go to other kids' birthday parties and that kind of thing. I think it works if your partner respects your need for alone time. One of our kids is an introvert and he will announce after a day together, "I really need my alone time now" and march up to his room.
All four of us are readers and enjoy documentaries. We can enjoy ourselves just sitting around discussing books, history, politics or whatever. My older boy is one of the most interesting conversationalists I know. This gives my husband a chance to have stimulating conversations without "socializing". In fact, I think my husband frequently used the kids as an excuse NOT to socialize (with co-workers, etc).
I would say on a purely selfish level, the kids were the best thing that happened to both of us. Yes, you have to make sacrifices sometimes, but overall they enhanced our lives more than they detracted from them.
I live in my head -- a lot. I love reading, writing, and immersing myself in movies and documentaries. I have a passion for learning, particularly about the subjects that most interest me (history and psychology). I love thinking about and analyzing things, like why people act in certain ways.
I'm an introvert like you, and I also love reading, especially about history. Fortunately for me, my kids go to bed early, so after they're down, out come the books. You don't have to give up your books or your movies when you have kids; you just have to schedule your enjoyment of them around their schedules and needs. It's really not that hard to do.
Actually, this is one of the great things about parenting: you get to share your interests with your kids. For example, I am fascinated by World War II, especially the Battle of Midway. My wife doesn't really care about it, though she'll listen to me when I talk about it, because she's a good wife. But my kids -- I'll tell my kids endless stories about it, and they're at the age where anything that comes out of their father's mouth is something that is interesting to them. So I get to talk about Midway for hours on end (not all at once, of course!) and they keep wanting more. My son (age 9) will sometimes, at some random moment, just say out of the blue, "Tell me a Midway story." I bet mine are the only pre-teen kids in America who can name the five aircraft carriers (four Japanese, one U.S.) that were sunk at Midway, or who can name all 12 of the Japanese battleships that served during the war -- and even identify what class each one was in!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmith12
In short, I fear losing my identity. I've seen moms on Facebook who engage in child worship and post nothing more than baby pictures and inspirational quotes tied to motherhood. They've lost touch with pop culture and everything else they followed before becoming moms.
Yeah, they're out there. I've got a few on my Facebook feed as well. You just have to roll your eyes at them (not in person, of course) and keep scrolling down.
Of course, single-issue people aren't limited to parents. I'm sure you've got some people who fill up their FB pages with nothing but political rants or religious messages or sports commentary or "I know who will post this message and who won't" type stuff.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmith12
I often tell my wife that I'd be happy leaving the TV off when we get home and just enjoying reading in silence. She says she can't stand it when it's that quiet.
The simple solution to this is for your wife to watch TV in one room while you read a book in another room. And you can do this even after you have kids, such as after they've gone to bed.
I think it's more difficult for a mom to stay an introvert than a dad. I know plenty of young dads who are totally obsessed with their own interests or hobbies, whether that's comic books, video games, social media, imaginary sports (like light saber practice), or whatever. They don't mind taking a picture of the baby or sharing a picture that the wife took, so they can get lots of likes on it, but when it's time to hold the baby or change a diaper or pay some sort of attention to the child, they're too busy. When the kid is a little older, Daddy's still too busy...too busy for the park, too busy for a conversation, spends the kid's entire birthday party messing with his phone, disappears during family gatherings to game online, etc.
You can't get away with that sort of thing when you're a mom, because your infant would die of neglect, or your toddler wouldn't learn to speak or get toilet trained.
I've seen this too, from too many young dads, and it makes me sad. It speaks to an incredible sense of self-absorption that seems all too prevalent in our society today.
I'm an adoptive parent, as are a good number of my friends, and I've seen a HUGE difference in how involved adoptive fathers are with their kids, versus those who came to fatherhood via the traditional route. I'm not sure why this is. My speculation is that adoptive fathers are far more involved in the pre-child part of things, such as filling out forms and going through home studies and all that; so they feel much more invested in their child than does a father whose main contribution to obtaining a child took the form of 15 minutes of fun, 9 months before the birth.
I'm not saying that all biological dads are like what you've described, of course. But there have been plenty of times when I would be the only father in attendance at a "regular" child's birthday party, whereas I'd be just one of many at the birthday of an adopted child. And let me tell you, the other adoptive dads and I have plenty of experience in changing diapers and outings to the park, etc. etc. etc.
I don't think there's anything wrong with having a preference. The key, though, is to unconditionally love your son for being the boy that he is, just as much as loving your daughter for being the girl that she is.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 02-03-2016 at 12:20 PM..
I don't think there's anything wrong with having a preference. The key, though, is to unconditionally love your son for being the boy that he is, just as much as loving your daughter for being the girl that she is.
I agree.
We probably all have ideas of what our kids were going to be before they got here. Doesn't matter. You learn to love them for what they are.
I feel the same way as you do. I'm an INTJ. I have to have my space, or I can't be happy.
But I made that clear to my husband. He knows I'm an introvert, don't like being pestered when I'm busy with something, don't like noise or screaming or drama. Luckily, he's keen on being a stay at home dad, so he'll be more than able to entertain the kid if I need some time to myself.
Could you make a pact like that with your wife? She doesn't have to be a stay at home parent, but just be willing to cover for you when you're craving some soul-searching time.
1. If you have kids, they will disturb your peace and privacy constantly. I'm constantly reminded of the first year of law school, and the concept of "disturbing the king's peace" in the history of criminal law.
2. You will probably not regret the decision to have kids notwithstanding your doubts beforehand.
By the way, people like -- thoughtful people interested in learning etc. -- are the kind of people we could use more of! And your children will tend to resemble you in personality as well as looks, so I'm pulling for you to take the plunge, as I finally did in my 40's!
I feel the same way as you do. I'm an INTJ. I have to have my space, or I can't be happy.
But I made that clear to my husband. He knows I'm an introvert, don't like being pestered when I'm busy with something, don't like noise or screaming or drama. Luckily, he's keen on being a stay at home dad, so he'll be more than able to entertain the kid if I need some time to myself.
Could you make a pact like that with your wife? She doesn't have to be a stay at home parent, but just be willing to cover for you when you're craving some soul-searching time.
INTJ female here, too (there aren't many of us; you, me, and Katherine Hepburn), and I had the same advice. Great minds!
If neither of you enthusiastically wants a child - DON"T HAVE A CHILD! It is a terrible experiment with a high chance of failing at least one of you and probably ALL of you. Why are you even asking the question given your wife has kind of turned away from it herself? Parents who find out they only care about kids "in the abstract" are terribly detached and cold...and maybe angry and resentful with the child bearing the brunt of it.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
