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As others have said, you do not know for a fact that your GF will not harm the baby. Right now she should not be alone with the baby. Drop her off at her parents or grandparents so that they can supervise her with the baby.
You also seem to think that her parents and grandparents are only helping because the GF is in the picture. Don't assume that to be true. I can almost guarantee that they already love this baby and would be upset if they no longer had a role in her life. Have a long, honest talk with the GF's parents. Tell them of your continuing concerns. They will respect your honesty if they have half a brain. Ask for their help. Just a guess, but I suspect they will be there for the baby (and you).
This doesn't sound like PPD, she's got a lot more than that going on. She needs help, but it's up to her to fix it. The ball is in your court, you have some tough decisions to make. Just keep in mind, that you must do what is best for the child. You can go for custody, continue working, put the baby in daycare and have the grandma's babysit. You can also ask a relative to raise the baby, I've seen family members step in and do marvelous jobs. Or, you can go the straight up adoption route. It's not like the old days, they have open adoptions now.
If she is truly unmotivated and doesn't want to be a mom then this will be VERY hard for you. Even with lots of family support, a young guy with a baby will likely not be much happier than a young woman with a baby. I can see your or her family ending up doing most or all of the childcare. Neither of you were prepared for this. It may be wisest to let someone in the family have custody or even put the baby up for adoption. That's an extreme thing to do, but to have a baby raised by a piecemeal support net of you and different family members is not very stable.
Sorry - you'll have some tough decisions. If you have to talk the mother into taking care of the baby, understand that it likely won't "stick" and you're just delaying her truly abandoning the baby.
Have you let YOUR side of the family know everything that is going on? They need to step up and be a real family to you - for your sake and your daughter's. This is their granddaughter whether they like the baby's mother or not. Maybe if they realized how desperate the situation is, they will come through for you.
I would never leave your girlfriend alone with the baby because you don't honestly know what may happen - you think she wouldn't injure the baby - but don't put your little girl at risk because the stakes are too high if you are wrong.
You don't really know how long it will take before your girlfriend is better, but I still wouldn't put the baby up for adoption. Your daughter didn't ask to be born and deserves love and attention too. You were man enough to get the young woman pregnant, you've got to be man enough to accept your responsibilities and do whatever it takes to be a good father to the child you brought into this world. I hope things work out well for you.
I agree that it COULD be best for the OP to step up. It still might not be best for the baby. If the OP is unwilling or unable, next best would be grandparents or aunts/uncles. Worst case would be foster care or adoption but if it HAS to be that way, don't string it along for months and years - the baby WILL suffer.
And yes, antidepressants typically take weeks or a couple months to kick in completely. However, it may be the nicest thing thing to assume a mother who doesn't want her baby is depressed ...or the mom could be a bratty child making a suicide attempt for attention...I don't know...I hope someone can figure it out.
Should I let her just run away, can I even stop her anyways?
It's sad, but if she doesn't find family life to her liking, it's her choice and her right to leave and find happiness. You can't stop her or make her stay. In fact, letting her go might be the most loving thing.
Although the OP is in the picture which is a good thing for now, I am having visions of Casey Anthony when reading about this sad story. You really do not know if someone who is this discontented with her life and possibly ill as well would hurt her child, intentionally or not - and if she is not completely gone, there will be opportunity for her to do just that no matter how much you try to safeguard against it.
In your situation, much as I hate to say it because I am sure it will be gut-wrenchingly hard for you, OP, I think I would at least consider the adoption option. At the very least I would start working on getting the child's mother to sign away her parental rights before she either takes off completely and you can't find her again, or she decides she wants full custody and manages to remove the child so you have absolutely no control any more. If she does the latter, given her instability, that could definitely be a death sentence for your daughter. If your girlfriend suddenly recovers and can prove stability once again, I am sure the courts can reverse that if the child has not be adopted out at that point.
Although the OP is in the picture which is a good thing for now, I am having visions of Casey Anthony when reading about this sad story. You really do not know if someone who is this discontented with her life and possibly ill as well would hurt her child, intentionally or not - and if she is not completely gone, there will be opportunity for her to do just that no matter how much you try to safeguard against it.
In your situation, much as I hate to say it because I am sure it will be gut-wrenchingly hard for you, OP, I think I would at least consider the adoption option. At the very least I would start working on getting the child's mother to sign away her parental rights before she either takes off completely and you can't find her again, or she decides she wants full custody and manages to remove the child so you have absolutely no control any more. If she does the latter, given her instability, that could definitely be a death sentence for your daughter. If your girlfriend suddenly recovers and can prove stability once again, I am sure the courts can reverse that if the child has not be adopted out at that point.
The part of Aery11's post that I bolded is an excellent point. If for any reason your GF gets mad at you she could potentially take the child just to get back at you.
You're going through this now and I realize how upsetting and confusing it must be for you, but time does help. Your GF may get better over time and want to be a mother, but for now you've really got to protect that baby. That should be your first priority.
You say this as if adoptive parents don't absolutely love their adopted child. My brother and I were both adopted, and our parents loved us to the moon and back. I am thankful that my birthmother gave me up instead of me being raised by a teenager and a resentful grandparents.
How very true. I am adopted (my brother is not) and sometimes I think my parents love me to distraction. I am grateful to have been given the opportunity to have that kind of love and support in my life. My daughter, who I gave up under the same circumstances as you described, said close to the same thing when we finally met (well - reunited).
To add a more important point and one germane to the discussion (sorry, I ramble at times) I completely and utterly agree with those who said you can't be sure she won't hurt that baby. Please, for the sake of your daughter, DO NOT LET HER BE ALONE WITH HER - at least not for now. It's totally unsafe, and you can't predict the future.
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