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My son graduated from a UC school with a bachelor of science in bio. He was gone for 4 years, then now he moved back into the house. First year he graduated he wanted to take a "break" from school and began working a low end job, making 8 dollars per hour he now makes 20, but still not career. Me and his mom wanted to figure out his plan. Seems like all he does is make excuses. He originally wanted to be a dentist, but said the loan is way too high and is not worth it anymore, which would have him pull out 400-500k in student loans, says its not a good financial move. He is a very money focused person. I guess after that he doesn't know what he wants to do. He said he doesn't know what he wants to do so he just wants to take time off and pay down the loans. I would rather have him pull out the 400k loans so at least he has direction and a future in his life instead of us being constantly worried about him. He says he regrets listening to us and trying to go into medicine, saying he should have went computer science, accounting, or engineer in undergrad since all his friends got high paying jobs after graduation. But all I hear is excuses and regret. He needs to do something about it.
It has been about 3 years now since he graduated. He took some community college classes and applied to physician assistant school a year ago, but could not get in that cycle. I don't think he even wants to be a PA, he just doesn't want his science degree to go to waste and just wants to get started with his life. My question is how much longer is this going to take? The first 2 years I was pretty frustrated with him and last year or so I pretty much gave up on him. I am old school so I tell him just to apply to something like nursing so he can get a career job already. All his other cousins went straight to career jobs or graduate programs why can't he? He was the one that got into the best university compared to his other cousins too. He stopped talking to me about a year, with minimal contact, even though he still lives in my house. He pretty much was taking community college classes, goes to work, and then just goes straight to his room. He should be pretty much done paying off his loans soon. What should I do? Should I kick him out of the house once he pays off his loans, should I make him pay rent? He is 25 years old and needs to have his future together. What to do? Any advice I could give him?
Last edited by worrieddad24; 01-14-2017 at 11:44 AM..
However, it sounds like his plan for getting out of debt is to live off you. That is ridiculous.
I would give him a deadline for moving out, unless he pays comparable rent, utilities, and all his food & other expenses ...which he would probably rather do in his own place.
However, it sounds like his plan for getting out of debt is to live off you. That is ridiculous.
I would give him a deadline for moving out, unless he pays comparable rent, utilities, and all his food & other expenses ...which he would probably rather do in his own place.
do you think he should just settle and become a nurse or something so he has a career? I am okay if he wants to do something productive like paying off his debt for now, but not much longer. What makes you say he is depressed?
do you think he should just settle and become a nurse or something so he has a career? I am okay if he wants to do something productive like paying off his debt for now, but not much longer. What makes you say he is depressed?
Why should he settle for a lifetime of something he has no interest in? It sounds as though he studied biology to make his parents happy, not because it was where his interests lie.
I don't think there is a plethora of jobs for graduates with degrees such as his, at least, not well-paying ones.
My own son found that out several years ago. He also didn't get into med school on his first attempt. So, he got a Masters in public health, which opened up a lot of doors. He also got into med school, but after the first year, realized he wasn't willing to put his life on hold (he was married, and had a baby) to finish, so he withdrew. We were honestly relieved that he chose happiness over being an MD. And, with the Masters, he has found work he both enjoys and makes a good salary at.
You need to back off and let him figure this out. You do not need to fund his journey though. At 25 or so $20./hr is hardly pathetic. He should be able to contribute to the household as well as pay off his loans.
Why should he settle for a lifetime of something he has no interest in? It sounds as though he studied biology to make his parents happy, not because it was where his interests lie.
I don't think there is a plethora of jobs for graduates with degrees such as his, at least, not well-paying ones.
My own son found that out several years ago. He also didn't get into med school on his first attempt. So, he got a Masters in public health, which opened up a lot of doors. He also got into med school, but after the first year, realized he wasn't willing to put his life on hold (he was married, and had a baby) to finish, so he withdrew. We were honestly relieved that he chose happiness over being an MD. And, with the Masters, he has found work he both enjoys and makes a good salary at.
You need to back off and let him figure this out. You do not need to fund his journey though. At 25 or so $20./hr is hardly pathetic. He should be able to contribute to the household as well as pay off his loans.
I agree with this.
Why is he still living with you? ETA I don't see anything in your post, OP, that points to a bad economy. It sounds more like he's not motivated.
Last edited by Kibbiekat; 01-14-2017 at 04:41 PM..
A biology degree doesn't open any career doors. It's basically required that he continues on to get a higher degree before he can get a career started. He needs to do research into these higher ed options and career possibilities and then apply to those schools. Or he needs to start looking into a completely different direction and start over.
OP, you are way too emotionally invested in this. He became the person his is years ago. You're not going to have much influence at this point. You're just going to make it worse by hounding him. You need to chill and focus on other things. That alone may create enough breathing space for him to start charting his own course. Do you enjoy his company at all? Can you have a relationship with him that is unconditional...not tied to his job prospects. Look, I'm like you. I found something to pay the bills when I was 20 and I never looked back. But that's just not everyone's path. Appreciate the kid for who he is. The sooner you convince him that you trust him to make his own decisions, the better.
Now, if the kid is freeloading and is unpleasant to have in the house that's a bit of a different story. You need to (without a bunch of drama) get him out of the nest.
My son graduated from a UC school with a bachelor of science in bio. He was gone for 4 years, then now he moved back into the house. First year he graduated he wanted to take a "break" from school and began working a low end job, making 8 dollars per hour he now makes 20, but still not career. Me and his mom wanted to figure out his plan. Seems like all he does is make excuses. He originally wanted to be a dentist, but said the loan is way too high and is not worth it anymore, which would have him pull out 400-500k in student loans, says its not a good financial move. He is a very money focused person. I guess after that he doesn't know what he wants to do. He said he doesn't know what he wants to do so he just wants to take time off and pay down the loans. I would rather have him pull out the 400k loans so at least he has direction and a future in his life instead of us being constantly worried about him. He says he regrets listening to us and trying to go into medicine, saying he should have went computer science, accounting, or engineer in undergrad since all his friends got high paying jobs after graduation. But all I hear is excuses and regret. He needs to do something about it.
It has been about 3 years now since he graduated. He took some community college classes and applied to physician assistant school a year ago, but could not get in that cycle. I don't think he even wants to be a PA, he just doesn't want his science degree to go to waste and just wants to get started with his life. My question is how much longer is this going to take? The first 2 years I was pretty frustrated with him and last year or so I pretty much gave up on him. I am old school so I tell him just to apply to something like nursing so he can get a career job already. All his other cousins went straight to career jobs or graduate programs why can't he? He was the one that got into the best university compared to his other cousins too. He stopped talking to me about a year, with minimal contact, even though he still lives in my house. He pretty much was taking community college classes, goes to work, and then just goes straight to his room. He should be pretty much done paying off his loans soon. What should I do? Should I kick him out of the house once he pays off his loans, should I make him pay rent? He is 25 years old and needs to have his future together. What to do? Any advice I could give him?
Your are enabling his behavior. It's your house and your rules. He's avoiding you so you can't convey your wishes.
Give him a date certain, and kick him out. That will jolt him into making a decision. He's old enough to provide for himself.
If you let this continue, he'll drag you down and damage your future. Good Luck.
He's making $40K a year at 25. That' not pathetic. If you want him out kick him out. If you don't mind him living in your house let him stay. But for goodness sake stop bothering him. It's ruining your relationship with him.
Give him a deadline to come up with a plan or get out. Then stick to it. You are giving him no motivation to get out. There are a lot of things he can do. He can get a Masters in Public Healh, as someone suggested. He could become a PA or C-NP or a CRNA. A state school's tuition for these programs is not that expensive and CRNAs can make close to $200K a year.
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