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Why should he settle for a lifetime of something he has no interest in? It sounds as though he studied biology to make his parents happy, not because it was where his interests lie.
I don't think there is a plethora of jobs for graduates with degrees such as his, at least, not well-paying ones.
My own son found that out several years ago. He also didn't get into med school on his first attempt. So, he got a Masters in public health, which opened up a lot of doors. He also got into med school, but after the first year, realized he wasn't willing to put his life on hold (he was married, and had a baby) to finish, so he withdrew. We were honestly relieved that he chose happiness over being an MD. And, with the Masters, he has found work he both enjoys and makes a good salary at.
You need to back off and let him figure this out. You do not need to fund his journey though. At 25 or so $20./hr is hardly pathetic. He should be able to contribute to the household as well as pay off his loans.
I agree with Mattie. By paying off his loans, your son is in a better position than many his age. I think that the loan payoff is an indicator that your son is behaving responsibly. If UC is California, I've heard that the rents out there are unconscionable.
The OP has called himself old school. This is a new age where parents may need to adjust their thinking. Instead of alienating his son, the OP needs to help the kid find employment.
However, it sounds like his plan for getting out of debt is to live off you. That is ridiculous.
I would give him a deadline for moving out, unless he pays comparable rent, utilities, and all his food & other expenses ...which he would probably rather do in his own place.
You need to back off and let him figure this out. You do not need to fund his journey though. At 25 or so $20./hr is hardly pathetic. He should be able to contribute to the household as well as pay off his loans.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear
He's making $40K a year at 25. That' not pathetic. If you want him out kick him out. If you don't mind him living in your house let him stay. But for goodness sake stop bothering him. It's ruining your relationship with him.
With a few exceptions (engineers, nurses, teachers, graduates with special skills, training or contacts) none of my children's friends were making $40,000 a year at age 25.
At $40,000 a year he should be paying back his student loans at lightning fast speed and still paying for all of his expenses plus, maybe paying you a small rental fee.
I understand your frustration but this is your son's life and he needs to figure out his own path on his own timeline.
It seems to me like your son resents you and blames you for him choosing to study biology. I can't imagine living in the same house with someone is doesn't even talk to me.
Maybe it is time to start charging him rent? That may be just what he needs to jump-start his life.
Like someone suggested, it seems like the lack of motivation could be a sign of depression.
do you think he should just settle and become a nurse or something so he has a career? I am okay if he wants to do something productive like paying off his debt for now, but not much longer. What makes you say he is depressed?
My son graduated from a UC school with a bachelor of science in bio. He was gone for 4 years, then now he moved back into the house. First year he graduated he wanted to take a "break" from school and began working a low end job, making 8 dollars per hour he now makes 20, but still not career. Me and his mom wanted to figure out his plan. Seems like all he does is make excuses. He originally wanted to be a dentist, but said the loan is way too high and is not worth it anymore, which would have him pull out 400-500k in student loans, says its not a good financial move. He is a very money focused person. I guess after that he doesn't know what he wants to do. He said he doesn't know what he wants to do so he just wants to take time off and pay down the loans. I would rather have him pull out the 400k loans so at least he has direction and a future in his life instead of us being constantly worried about him. He says he regrets listening to us and trying to go into medicine, saying he should have went computer science, accounting, or engineer in undergrad since all his friends got high paying jobs after graduation. But all I hear is excuses and regret. He needs to do something about it.
It has been about 3 years now since he graduated. He took some community college classes and applied to physician assistant school a year ago, but could not get in that cycle. I don't think he even wants to be a PA, he just doesn't want his science degree to go to waste and just wants to get started with his life. My question is how much longer is this going to take? The first 2 years I was pretty frustrated with him and last year or so I pretty much gave up on him. I am old school so I tell him just to apply to something like nursing so he can get a career job already. All his other cousins went straight to career jobs or graduate programs why can't he? He was the one that got into the best university compared to his other cousins too. He stopped talking to me about a year, with minimal contact, even though he still lives in my house. He pretty much was taking community college classes, goes to work, and then just goes straight to his room. He should be pretty much done paying off his loans soon. What should I do? Should I kick him out of the house once he pays off his loans, should I make him pay rent? He is 25 years old and needs to have his future together. What to do? Any advice I could give him?
Frankly, your advice has not helped him. He listened to you and now he's blaming you for the situation he's in. You're basically a talking head to him now and it's driving a wedge between the two of you. So, it's time to stop nagging and let him figure it out. Secondly, sounds like he's using the crutch that you're giving him for now until he figures things out. He doesn't sound depressed, just in planning mode. He's probably just annoyed by your well-intended lecturing on top of his own confused state.
Give him a reasonable timeframe to figure out next steps. DO NOT let him live there indefinitely. That will do him no good in the long term. He needs to be out on his own in due time, a date that you both can agree on. If he's money conscious, he'll be fine once he moves out because he'll manage his money responsibly. He'll be fine. Find yourself a hobby, leave him alone for now and give him some time..
A biology degree doesn't open any career doors. It's basically required that he continues on to get a higher degree before he can get a career started. He needs to do research into these higher ed options and career possibilities and then apply to those schools. Or he needs to start looking into a completely different direction and start over.
I work iin financial services with people with all types of degrees. A bio major could play up research, analytical, math, and statistical skills.
OP your son sounds so similar to my sibling who graduated from a top UC school and being jobless when back home. Whined about how others chose the right majors and that's why they're all doing well, very money focused (cheapskate) and basically Narcissistic Personality Disorder just starting to become fully evident in his early twenties.
Fast forward about 15 years and he's now an abusive a-hole to just about everyone. He eventually went on to a Ivy League graduate school but never used that degree either because really it was just something to do that sounded good and is potentially very high income. Upon graduation there he again had no job lined up. Along the way he has blamed the economy, myself, school counselors, my parents, professors, whichever convenient targets he can find to blame for his failure to be highly successful (again very money centered so meaning high income). He has a job, but he's ungrateful for it.
My parents enabled him all these years in part because they feared his depression might be worse if they didn't, and the result is a horribly entitled narcissistic jerk who has used all of his immediate family for money, either as cash or as free room and board. He's expressed zero gratitude and has never acknowledged he's the cause of all the drama in our family.
If you keep on enabling him I'm afraid I see a similar outcome in your future. Your son sounds very similar to my sibling, and I suspect didn't suddenly turn into such a person the day he graduated UC. Narcissists are in fact often depressed as well but an NPD will wreck your life if you allow it.
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