Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Says the man with no kids(or wife?). My own are free to come and go as they please, they're adults. One of them pleases to live here, and he's welcome to do so. His job is nearby, he's in a committed relationship, and he and his gf are making plans for their future together. When they do take that step, they won't have to scrounge for housing expenses, just like my husband and I ( very happily married btw), didn't have to scrounge. We both lived at home with our parents until we married in our mid-20s. We were able to save for our future together. It's inconceivable to me that any parent would want less of a secure start for their children than we had.
I'm not at all embarrassed to say I have a 26 yr old living here. We enjoy his company, and he appears to enjoy ours. His older brother lived here until he married at 25. His younger brother is a grad student across the country. And, our door will always be open to all of them.
26? Ouch. Seriously wrong in my opinion. That is going to have negative repercussions one day.
Yeah, because you automatically know how the future of her child is going to go, I guess all the 20-30 year olds that lived with their parents till they moved out suffered negative repercussions
Never mind the fact that he might be working and saving up money to perhaps move out one day, while in the meantime, enjoys the company of his parents (and they in return). Every family and kid is different.
Like I said, way too many ignorant and presumptuous posts in this thread.
Btw, lol at that video you posted. The guy is CLEARLY out of touch with reality nowadays...
Last edited by NewYorker11356; 02-01-2017 at 10:55 PM..
Yeah, because you automatically know how the future of her child is going to go, I guess all the 20-30 year olds that lived with their parents till they moved out suffered negative repercussions
Never mind the fact that he might be working and saving up money to perhaps move out one day, while in the meantime, enjoys the company of his parents (and they in return).
Like I said, way too many ignorant and presumptuous posts in this thread.
Btw, lol at that video you posted. The guy is CLEARLY out of touch with reality nowadays (as plenty tend to be at that age).
Don't sell being "out of touch" short. Perhaps being "out of touch" with irresponsibility and weakness is EXACTLY WHAT WE NEED!
The video is the perspective of an immensely successful and well-loved and respected father of 3 who helped more young people last week than you will in 10 of your lifetimes.
Don't sell being "out of touch" short. Perhaps being "out of touch" with irresponsibility and weakness is EXACTLY WHAT WE NEED!
The video is the perspective of an immensely successful and well-loved and respected father of 3 who helped more young people last week than you will in 10 of your lifetimes.
Pay attention and learn, dear.
Doesn't change the fact that he's still out of touch, just watching that video confirmed what I figured, lol.
Maybe you should pay more attention and learn, hun
So what? Many children are raised in an apartment especially those living in cities and urban areas.
Haha. Okay. Sure.
Your ideas are antiquated.
Living in an apartment sometimes is a choice. Many people in NYC live in apartments. It has nothing to do with not growing up as suggested previously. Some people don't want the work it takes to keep up a house.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dillionmt
My son was 21 when he finished his 2 year trade schooling, and had a guaranteed job offer to start right after that. What did he do? Looked for a condo, asked me for a $5000 loan for the down payment which I gave him, bought the condo, had two room mates move in who paid him rent, repaid the loan within 6 months, got established in his career, bought a house, sold the condo and he was off and running. He never, ever rented.
He couldn't wait to get out of the house and on his own.
You did a great job! He was an adult, recognized it and wanted to act like one.
The comment about this happening in 1985. I was 28. 20 somethings were boomers, raised differently. You were a real loser if you were mid 20's and at home (or some health issue kept you there). I didn't know anyone who's parents were ill but that could keep you home.
I remember having part time job to make ends meet to have extra money. Repping a product line in a retail store, teaching aerobics, even dealt Black Jack at private parties. When you are young, you should have the energy.
I don't think that parents who keep their adult children in the home are concerned with raising independent, strong, competent adults. I think they are afraid of old age, are lonely, often indifferent or unhappy with their spouse if they still have one, and really want the company and the companionship and the illusion that they are still what they were when the kids were young.
So it's a double edged pathology that keeps both parties from living correctly and independently.
It's basically parental fear of letting go, and a child's self-doubt and incompetence and/or lack of confidence in their ability to exist in a healthy and independent state. And the really bad thing about it? It is self-reinforcing and self-perpetuating. The weak adult child gets older and remains comfortable and becomes ever more incompetent.
Weak, incompetent kids like yourself?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc Paolella
When I returned home after college, my mom let me stay in the house for a few months,
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc Paolella
I returned home for a stint in my late 20's. Some people might think that odd, but they don't know how good my mother's coffee was. Also, I paid rent and was a conversational asset, as one would expect.
If OP doesn't want her 23 year old son living with her, that's well within her prerogative. It's likely a particularly rough situation given that they're in an apartment rather than a 3000 square foot house.
Also, she never says he's working multiple jobs, just that he has. He could have worked a string of jobs. At any rate, he minimally needs more of a plan.
However, there is so much craziness from those who support OP. Let's look at some things here:
1) She said he could stay however long he wanted. Of course he probably didn't think she meant literally 20+ years or anything but lots of young adults graduate from college and return home to live with their parents for 1, 2, even 3 years. Some people may be against that, but an open-ended invitation might have reasonably implied to the son that a few years would be okay, especially if that's common in his circle.
2) He does contribute a little. He isn't all bad. And she says that he actually can't contribute more. He needs to work on a plan for his future, but OP implies that he is contributing as much as he can for now.
3) OP plans to rely on her son for financial support in old age, while only caring about her own desires for peace and freedom both now and when she is such age!
4) OP admits to having been a poor parent and is justifying it by saying she was a single mother!
5) OP is humiliating and making fun of her son because of the situation that she brought on.
I can understand why some adult children would want to live with their parents, but why would OP's son want to live with her? He's obviously only staying because of need. His inability to find a good job or formulate a plan for his future may be both contributing to, and a result of, depression. The living environment is probably feeding into it as well, but he may be unable to take many steps to get out of it due to being depressed. Think about it - why would he possibly want to stay in this apartment?
So, OP, if you do care about your son, my advice is to get him evaluated by a mental health professional. Beyond that, it's reasonable to give a deadline to leave of 6 months-1 year even if you originally told him he could stay however long he wanted. But 2 months isn't at all reasonable.
Also, I would check with an attorney who is familiar with eviction laws in your state. Ignore the posters on this thread who tell you what you can and can't legally do. I don't believe they even know what state you're in! Even if they did, they probably wouldn't fully understand the relevant laws there.
Last edited by afoigrokerkok; 02-02-2017 at 07:13 AM..
You guys sound kind of dysfunctional. You should have been charging him nominal rent from the beginning and been discussing a plan for him to move out on his own from the beginning. Instead, you went from telling him he could stay as long as he wants to asking what kind of 23-year-old lives with his mother. I'm not surprised he flipped out when you yanked the rug out from under him.
The time after graduating college is very stressful, and the current environment is very unsettling for anyone looking to start a career. Presumably, you know how much he makes, so it's time to sit down with him and work out a budget that he can live on and help him see how he can do this.
Maybe if you stop treating your son with such contempt, and actually help him develop a plan for his immediate future, you will see better results.
Yeah, because you automatically know how the future of her child is going to go, I guess all the 20-30 year olds that lived with their parents till they moved out suffered negative repercussions
Never mind the fact that he might be working and saving up money to perhaps move out one day, while in the meantime, enjoys the company of his parents (and they in return). Every family and kid is different.
Like I said, way too many ignorant and presumptuous posts in this thread.
Btw, lol at that video you posted. The guy is CLEARLY out of touch with reality nowadays...
Everyone is different. Especially these days, an adult child living at home doesn't necessarily mean they are a deadbeat with no future.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Everyone is different. Especially these days, an adult child living at home doesn't necessarily mean they are a deadbeat with no future.