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I agree with you and the post.... its not about that though.. its the career girl mums who have children and rush to get back into work leaving them with childminders when they dont need the money at all.. dont they realize just how much they will miss out on watching their child grow.. and you cant ever give back that time with fancy holidays or big cars etc.... a baby needs a mum.. ...being in need of money to support your children is a whole other issue... I went to work when my last child started school.. I was lucky as my mum lived nearby, Ill admit to that... but dont know what Id have did if that support hadnt been there ...I dont think Id have gone to work.I lived in a run down area and wouldnt have trusted any childcare in that area at that time to watch my children..
I'll repeat a statement I made a day or two ago.
I missed my oldest son's first steps because I was at work.
He is now a teenager. There has been a plethora of accomplishments I've been there for and some I haven't.
I wonder how our parents, grandparents, great grandparents survived when their parents weren't there for every little thing. And trust me, they weren't. Many women worked in textile factories, as house servants, in the fields, etc. As did men. If I were to put seeing baby's firsts vs. making sure baby has a stable life with a roof over his head and food in his belly on a scale the latter would far outweigh the former.
Actually, yes, it is a fact that having a parent at home with the child for the first three years is "crucial." Children don't individuate from their parents until 3 years of age. Fact. As a result, yes, I am opposed to giving parents a "choice," if unnecessary, since what they are "choosing" to do is not good for their child. But you keep dodging the truth, attempting to redirect and/or twist what I've said into my "values. Talk about "cognitive distortion."
Nothing the least bit "delusional" about stating the fact--note: fact--that many parents simply take the easiest route in deciding on daycare.
Why are you so defensive? You clearly have a lot of emotion tied up in your argument. What has transpired in your life to make you so passionately one-sided on this topic?
Give it a rest. Move on.
Babies actually begin to differentiate from their parents around 6 months of age. At around 6 or 7 months, your baby begins to realize that he's separate from you and that you can leave him alone. This is when separation anxiety usually kicks in, and it can last well into the second year. Note that leaving a baby with a sitter helps them develop this ability and when they realize you will always return, they move forward with creating their own identity. They become more and more social with others as well as with mom and dad and siblings. You do need to do things in a way that helps him become more confident, so you don't sneak away, but let him know when you are leaving even if that means a few more tears. It is true that babies need quick attention to his or her needs. So you feed her when she is hungry and help her to go to sleep when she is sleepy. It is important for the baby to have a secure bond with his parents, but that does not mean he cannot be left with other caregivers.
Working parents spend a lot of time caring for their infants - it just is not the normal schedule that sahp have.
I think this has been explained numerous times. Many professional women want to continue to work because its good for their careers. I don't see anything wrong with that. We don't denigrate fathers for doing the same. Others may work because they have excellent health insurance or other fringe benefits that help their families.
That is one reason. There are others. I can't say that I care a lot about moving up the ladder in my career. I do care about earning an income that provides various things and experiences for my family. I care about having that 2nd income, in case my husband ever becomes disabled, dies, loses his job,or leaves me. I care about getting out of the house and doing something. I just function better when I have someplace to get up and go in the morning. I work better with a deadline. With endless days of nothing on the calendar, I wouldn't get much done, I wouldn't feel productive, and that would not be good for my mental health. It's difficult to put into words, but working makes our entire family dynamic work better.
If I won the lottery tomorrow, Either my husband or I would probably quit our job, but I would have to make sure I had volunteer work, or something to keep my busy.
When I had my kids, I had been at my job long enough that I was vested in the retirement system, and was earning about 10 hours of paid time off every 2 weeks. My employer was really good about letting me take time off when I needed it. It worked. Had I quit at that time, and started over again 5-8 years later, I would have had to start all over again at zero PTO. A coworker did that, and years later, still can't accumulate enough time off to do what she needs or wants to do, and they had some very tough financial times, too. I have no reason to think that her kids are any better off than mine now. If anything the financial stress they were under could have made them worse off.
Last edited by Kibbiekat; 04-08-2017 at 12:17 PM..
As a human being, you are asking if there is a scientific study to prove babies need their moms?
Seriously?
You really believe as a MOM that you are so worthless that your baby, that you created with your partner, that has spent nine months growing inside YOUR BODY, listening to YOUR VOICE and HEARTBEAT and knows YOUR SMELL doesn't need you???
You really and truly believe that babies do NOT need their moms?
I really have heard everything. Really. Holy moly, crackers on a half shell.
This thread needs to be put to bed already.
So no proof.
If that were true, what would you say about adoptive parents? And I mean "need" in a literal sense. Some babies don't have bio moms, and they survive.
Plus again, babies of working moms DO have their moms most of the time.
I seriously don't know how to respond to a woman who believes that being a mom is worthless. I really don't. If this is truly your mindset, which it definitely appears to be, there can be no discussion.
Adoptive moms ... are MOMS. Most stay home and care for their babies, fully understanding that babies need a mom who loves them and cares for them exclusively, and are beyond grateful OVERJOYED in fact to be able to be a mom. I know some. They would do anything/everything for their babies.
And babies of working moms do not have a bond with mom, they don't, the babies pass through cheap paid by the hour caregivers who would change jobs to the highest bidder. Don't kid yourself that they somehow think YOUR child is special and give them extra care. They don't. They are WORKING. I worked as a nanny for a summer and the 2 yr old called ME mommy. Me. The paid caregiver. He ignored his dad when he was in the room and only wanted ME. WHY? Because I cared for him, played with him, fed him, took him to the park, read him stories, etc. He knew ME as the source of comfort, food, playtime, etc. He loved ME, not his mom.
Again, you have with your many many MANY posts, proven that you fully believe that being a mom is worthless. It's heartbreaking to read, actually, that women have been so brainwashed to feel that their only worth is making money and that being a mom, taking care of a precious life in its earliest development is worthless. Sickening and disgusting in fact. I can only smh in disbelief.
1. Show me anyone who has stated that being a mom is worthless. Anyone. Most posting are moms.
2. Cite please.
3. Cite please or even any post here that indicates that anyone feels their only worth is making money. Any post.
Apparently when one has no real facts to support their beliefs, hyperbole and misinformation suffice. Posting it again and again does not make it true.
Last edited by maciesmom; 04-09-2017 at 08:16 AM..
When someone says a scientific study is needed to prove babies need their moms, yes, the sentiment is that moms are worthless because there is NO "published data" stating otherwise.
The ENTIRE argument again and again and again as to WHY moms put their babies in daycare is to MAKE MONEY. To make money, keep salary levels up, not lose seniority which would mean losing money, save for retirement, add to the 401K, etc. Every single argument is based in MONEY. So the worth of a woman is FOR money, not in the act of being a present, active, caretaking mother.
Apparently when one refuses to use logic and read all posts, ignorance and denial suffice. Postings of yes I LOVE being a mom, when all actions and relentless defense of why it is OK to not be a present mom for infants, pay someone else to do it, depicted in post after post after post show the hypocritical nature of the nonlogical diametrical arguments. You cannot claim I love being a mom, I am the best mom ever, when you DO NOT SPEND TIME WITH YOUR BABIES.
Severe brainwashing and cognitive dissonance is rampant here.
There is a vast difference between not needing a mother and needing only a mother. No one has said a child does not need his mother or that mothers are worthless. No one.The belief (not fact) that *only* a mother can care for her child is more about your own ego than the needs of a child.
The second bolded is more hyperbole. No one has said they were the "best mom ever", and neither is anyone not spending time with their babies. And who are you to tell anyone they cannot claim to love their children?
If a mother can and wants to stay at home and care for her children in that way - awesome. But make no mistake that it is as much about her wants and needs as it is about the child. Just like the woman who goes back to work.
Last edited by maciesmom; 04-09-2017 at 09:49 AM..
The crux of this entire argument is that the most stubborn of you make no distinction between leaving a baby with a caring adult for a few hours a day, and leaving a child permanently forever. Working parents do not abandon their kids. They do not leave them alone to fend for themselves. They are present in their kid's lives EVERY DAY. The get them up in the morning. They put them to bed at night. They feed them breakfast and dinner. They bathe them. Thy hold them. They play with them EVERY DAY. They take them to every medical appointment, attend every soccer game. If you see that as "abandonment" then there is nothing more I can say to you. You don't think clearly or logically on this matter, so clarity and logic do not get through to you. That's your issue, not mine.
EGO to want to rear your own baby hahahah this is really hysterical... when a woman has a baby.... normal women with feelings, they put themselves second to that little creation. sadly some of you never will...
I SERIOUSLY suggest that you research mothers in different societies and throughout history.
You'll find that many mothers left their children to work in fields, in factories, as house servants etc. in order to make ends meet for CENTURIES.
This obsession with childcentric childrearing is a relatively new phenomenon began something in the Victorian era (which not so surprisingly coincided with the suffrage movement and early women's rights movements). All you are doing is feeding into a patriarchal attack on women as a gender and mothers as a group. NONE of what you are saying makes sense nor does it have any basis in reality. You are contributing to the BS put out by people who want to keep women dependent on men.
EGO to want to rear your own baby hahahah this is really hysterical... when a woman has a baby.... normal women with feelings, they put themselves second to that little creation. sadly some of you never will...
It is indeed ego to believe that no one can change a diaper, rock, or feed your child except YOU. There is nothing wrong with wanting to do that but to believe that your child will suffer if it is someone else for a few hours a day.....is ego.
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