Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
So much judging in this thread and that makes me sad.
I am a Day Care Provider and have been for more than 30 years from my home. I have seen so many come through my doors from Mom's that sob leaving their baby because they have to work..I also see Mom's who can't wait to dump their kids. I see parents who claim that their child is their world and on the next breath hurry up honey we have to go home because you have a babysitter coming. There are a lot of people who cannot possibly put their kids first and that is sad.
Some even have trophy kids but most are some awesome people and we work together for the good of the kids. I don't judge and we all work hard together. I do not feel that someone is dropping their child off for me to raise...we work together closely. I know these kids and it helps a parent with anxiety. I am a Mom and I certainly understand.
With that said I see with this thread the people who complain because they have to pay a day care. I cannot speak for others but I make 50.00 per day. I am open 10+ hours a day which comes to 5.00 per hour. I feed the kids out of my pocket breakfast as needed two snacks and a home cooked lunch. All provided by me. With that 5.00 an hour that buys the food, I pay taxes state and federal, a mortgage. I buy toys, gifts for the kids, heat or AC and all utilities not to mention the cost of licensing and training, diapers wipes Tylenol arts and crafts, and all other supplies.
I think that is a reasonable fee and I wonder how many that complain here will work and live on 5.00 an hour. Working adults do not work for free but people want you to take care of their kids for free.
I do not drive a fancy car. I do not travel for vacations and there are plenty of weeks when a check is due me on a Friday I never see it and get all kinds of excuses. Those excuses after 55 hours of work doesn't help when you need to pay bills and go grocery shopping or if you had plans to go out to dinner gets squashed.
The blue is awfully judgy.
Do you mean you make $50/day per child? How many kids do you care for?
So much judging in this thread and that makes me sad.
I am a Day Care Provider and have been for more than 30 years from my home. I have seen so many come through my doors from Mom's that sob leaving their baby because they have to work..I also see Mom's who can't wait to dump their kids. I see parents who claim that their child is their world and on the next breath hurry up honey we have to go home because you have a babysitter coming. There are a lot of people who cannot possibly put their kids first and that is sad.
Some even have trophy kids but most are some awesome people and we work together for the good of the kids.
I don't judge and we all work hard together. I do not feel that someone is dropping their child off for me to raise...we work together closely. I know these kids and it helps a parent with anxiety. I am a Mom and I certainly understand.
With that said I see with this thread the people who complain because they have to pay a day care. I cannot speak for others but I make 50.00 per day. I am open 10+ hours a day which comes to 5.00 per hour. I feed the kids out of my pocket breakfast as needed two snacks and a home cooked lunch. All provided by me. With that 5.00 an hour that buys the food, I pay taxes state and federal, a mortgage. I buy toys, gifts for the kids, heat or AC and all utilities not to mention the cost of licensing and training, diapers wipes Tylenol arts and crafts, and all other supplies.
I think that is a reasonable fee and I wonder how many that complain here will work and live on 5.00 an hour. Working adults do not work for free but people want you to take care of their kids for free.
I do not drive a fancy car. I do not travel for vacations and there are plenty of weeks when a check is due me on a Friday I never see it and get all kinds of excuses. Those excuses after 55 hours of work doesn't help when you need to pay bills and go grocery shopping or if you had plans to go out to dinner gets squashed.
What gets me is people who complain that daycare is too expensive. If there is ONE THING I'm willing to overspend on, it's the people entrusted with the safety and well-being of my child.
When my kids were in daycare, I regularly brought in cookies and various treats, nice Christmas gifts and once in a while surprised them by having pizzas delivered.
They will remember that you chose to give them to someone else instead of being there yourself.
Did you see the first smile? First rollover? First word? First steps? First solid food?
A woman I worked with put her son in daycare at 6 weeks. All of his firsts were in daycare. She missed EVERYTHING.
Sad sad sad that this doesn't seem to matter to women anymore. Every rationalization under the sun to give your babies to someone else. If your babies don't remember, than I guess any behavior is permissible?
Frankly, I can barely remember any of the supposedly important milestones or how old my son was when they happened (which makes filling out certain medical forms fun...) - those are artificial things that society has deemed should matter. The good memories have nothing to do with those things - they are other moments unique to my son's personality, and generally aren't "first" something or other.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
There was a lovely article I read some years ago, written by a father whose daughter was a teenager. They were together in the car and drove past a park he used to take her to when she was small, and he had this wonderful memory about a day in that park and he brought it up. "Do you remember when we went to that park when you were about three, and you just kept chasing all the ducks and geese and swans because you thought you could catch one? You just didn't give up." She looked at him as if he had two heads, and said, "No, I don't remember some day in the park chasing ducks when I was little." He was shocked that it meant nothing to her because to him it was such a magical day watching her try to catch the birds that it lived large in his mind.
He said then he realized that those memories are for the parents to keep and treasure. They don't mean to the child what they mean to a parent. I think we all have memories like that, for us to keep and treasure, and those memories are there whether we worked or not. They are our memories of children who now only exist in our minds, and our children neither remember or would understand why we keep them.
LOL, my father used to do the same thing. ALL.THE.TIME. "Do you remember...?". Nope, I don't. And this wasn't just stuff from when I was a toddler/pre-schooler, sometimes it was early to mid-elementary school. No, I don't remember great-uncle Joe's big dog that I sat on when I was two. No, I don't remember Mrs. Smith from church. My earliest memory that I can recall is my pre-school classroom when I was 3 or 4. You're absolutely right that parents are projecting onto the kids, and there's simply no way to know what is going to stick in a kids memory (or not) years down the line.
It has nothing to do with "hearts and minds." Nor have I made any "cognitive distortions." How is it a "cognitive distortion" to point out that people should actually plan for parenthood? That few people dispute that staying home to care for one's infant is crucially important for that infant? The people who cannot face these realities are people who cannot face their own selfishness, and so talk themselves into thinking it's okay to leave an infant at daycare all day, simply because they want it to be okay, out of convenience to themselves and their self-created situations. When somebody suggests that it's not okay, they run from the truth, and turn it into a self-pity party.
That said, I have also made it clear that sometimes it is necessary, and one really does have no choice--due to situations/developments out of one's control--but to leave one's child in daycare. In such situations, while it is unfortunate that the child must go into daycare, instead of spending the first three years at home with a parent, this simply (and not so simply) requires serious commitment to finding the best possible caregiver--and some people do, and as a result their child will probably be okay, and such parents should be supported by their community in doing the best they can do. Many other parents, however, do not make such efforts, convincing themselves that the cheapest is going to be "fine," just as many choose to convince themselves that the choice to go back to work and leave their infant in daycare is "fine."
Nobody is being "sanctimonious," merely factual. And while you're playing at being a "hearts and minds" person, the truth of your character reveals itself in your own "venomous," but oh-so-concerned and "shaming" questioning about my--or any other poster's, for that matter--supposed "wounds." If facts "hurt" you, perhaps you should consider your own emotional wounds.
I realize that tone doesn't always translate, but I never intended to "shame" you for whatever it is that you've been through in life that makes you so defensive. You clearly have a lot of emotion tied up in your argument - I was simply expressing a curiosity about what may have transpired to make you so passionately one sided on this topic.
"Facts" don't hurt me, but emotionally charged values expressed as facts do bother me. Stating that people delude themselves into thinking it's "okay" to put an infant in daycare due to their unexamined selfishness is not a fact. Stating that staying home to care for one's infant is crucially important is not even a fact. Your cognitive distortions are too numerous for me to list. While I appreciate that you provide an exemption for parents that have no choice but to use daycare, you appear to be fundamentally opposed to giving mother's a choice at all. Simply because of your personal values (not facts.) Who are you to impose your values (again, not facts) on everyone else?
As to your argument about "many" parents not caring about their daycare environment, this comment is just too delusional for me to entertain. Sure, there are some rotten parents out there. There are many, many more desperately poor parents who do the best they can with what they can afford - both time wise and money wise.
Do you mean you make $50/day per child? How many kids do you care for?
No I am not judging I am stating facts. I have been doing this for many years. Most people are great. I have dealt with most families from infant stage until preschool. The majority of people that have come through my doors are still in touch with me and some of them have babies of their own. I had one mother who wouldn't even come through the door. She would slide her kids through the door like she was mailing a letter and mumble that she had meetings. This mother never ever checked on her kids but the Dad was great and I had this family for five years.
Another was the coldest human being I have ever met. She too never even checked on her kids in five years that I cared for their two children.
One mother had instructions for me while on maternity leave and that although the baby was with me all day those instructions were that she needed her rest and I was not to contact her even in an emergency. So not judging just stating facts.
I had two instances with my own family emergencies...one my brother was killed in an accident and we got the call while at pick-up time and most people said "what can we do" but there was one set of parents who said well "you did not provide in your contract for this and we need day care tomorrow" and continued to harass us and went as far as trying to report me to the state anonymously.
Second instance was a couple of years ago my mother died. All parents were notified and this was on a weekend. We were gathered at my parents home and as they were removing my Mom's body my cell phone went off. It was a day care parent...I explained that they were removing my Mother and could I call her back. She said NO it couldn't wait. It went like this..."OH gee sorry about your Mom but you know that recipe you gave me? Is it vanilla paste or vanilla extract in that" . Again not judging...fact.
I told you what I make a day .... A second child is half price. I work hard for my money as I should. I do this mostly because I love the kids and that is my priority.
Frankly, I can barely remember any of the supposedly important milestones or how old my son was when they happened (which makes filling out certain medical forms fun...) - those are artificial things that society has deemed should matter. The good memories have nothing to do with those things - they are other moments unique to my son's personality, and generally aren't "first" something or other.
LOL, my father used to do the same thing. ALL.THE.TIME. "Do you remember...?". Nope, I don't. And this wasn't just stuff from when I was a toddler/pre-schooler, sometimes it was early to mid-elementary school. No, I don't remember great-uncle Joe's big dog that I sat on when I was two. No, I don't remember Mrs. Smith from church. My earliest memory that I can recall is my pre-school classroom when I was 3 or 4. You're absolutely right that parents are projecting onto the kids, and there's simply no way to know what is going to stick in a kids memory (or not) years down the line.
Oh, let the parents have their memories, too! That's happened with my kids, too, and it's just that different things are important to different people.
What gets me is people who complain that daycare is too expensive. If there is ONE THING I'm willing to overspend on, it's the people entrusted with the safety and well-being of my child.
When my kids were in daycare, I regularly brought in cookies and various treats, nice Christmas gifts and once in a while surprised them by having pizzas delivered.
What did you pay for daycare? We use middle of the road daycare around here as far as expense goes. It's a preschool that also has a daycare component. 20 hours a week cost us 2500 a month for two kids. If it were full-time that would be very difficult. The care is the same price as a mortgage, but we don't get any of the deductions and credits lower income families get.
hahaha yes all very grown up , but then I watched the grandkids doing their growing up.. first steps should actually be very important to any parent not one trying to hold on to memories, dont feel sad for me. be sad for the kids who are being brought up by others..and for the parent who will sit down in twenty years and cry..and they will...Going through some posts I am shocked to read some say that their kids getting hit with objects ,whips. switches, spoons paddles, one even said her three year old is too young yet so he gets a smack... so does that mean he has that switch , paddle or belt to look forward to like his older siblings... I know this is off topic but maybe some mothers are better out working if they resort to losing their temper and control in this way..
Who is crying? I know I'm not and my daughter went into daycare as an infant. I know lots of working mothers whose kids were in daycare and none of them are crying either. Where are all these miserable women? Have you met any?
And what's up with talking about corporal punishment? What does that have to do with whether a child has a SAHP or not? Are you saying that when both parents work outside the home that they are more likely to hit their children?
Oh, let the parents have their memories, too! That's happened with my kids, too, and it's just that different things are important to different people.
Oh, I totally agree. My point was that kids and parents don't have an exact overlapping set of memories, so the notion that the kids are somehow harmed if the parent doesn't remember or can't track their every first [fill in the blank] is unfounded. As you said, everyone treasures something different.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
