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Empower your daughter by telling her that she's smart and has good instincts about people and you know she can make good friend choices. Then start a dialog about how good friends act and focus on the fact that good people in our lives make us feel better about ourselves and bring out the best in us. Remind her that she's a good person and deserves to be treated well and then let her deal with it as you keep an eye on things.
For us, 3rd grade was the worst when it came to mean girls.
My daughter has a best friend that she really likes. They have been friends a while and get along fine mostly. My problem is that her friend is always bossing her around. My daughter is pretty outspoken and is not afraid to speak her mind, but she thinks highly of this friend and takes what she says to heart. Lately she has told me that her friend told her she doesn't want her to be friends with her other friends. My daughter is a social butterfly so she has a lot of friends at school. Her Bestie even went so far as to tell her she doesn't want her to be friends with her little sister.
She tells me things this girl says to her all the time. For example the girl told her she cant say hi to her in the morning, told her she cant sing anymore. For two weeks this girl wouldn't speak to her and my daughter still has NO CLUE why that happened. It was upsetting for her but she doesn't know why there was a problem.
Any advice would be appreciated. I have talked to my daughter about standing up for herself and told her that its not right for her friend to expect these things from her. Any other advice?
My daughter has a "friend" just like that. We encourage my daughter to ignore these things and have explained to her that friends like that are more of a problem than a benefit. Also, make sure that your daughter realizes that she doesn't have to follow those recommendations and it is okay to distance herself from her "beastie." My daughter frequently takes long breaks from her problem friend and it is usually the friend that comes back and tries to reconnect with my daughter. Telling your daughter to leave that girl alone won't really make a difference because at that age things are not that long lasting and she is a long time friend with probably interconnected social circles. Make sure that you point out the troubling behaviors of this girl to your daughter and remind your daughter that acting like that doesn't win or keep friends. Eventually your daughter will come to the realization that she doesn't need this girl in her life or ignore the lunacy coming from this girl's mouth and be a kid and have fun.
I really appreciate all the advice that everyone has been so kind to give. It has been very helpful for me to read through all the suggestions and to just hear other perspectives. There were so many reassuring things said. I am going to take what I have learned here and use the information to help with this situation. Thank you all so much!!!
I really appreciate all the advice that everyone has been so kind to give. It has been very helpful for me to read through all the suggestions and to just hear other perspectives. There were so many reassuring things said. I am going to take what I have learned here and use the information to help with this situation. Thank you all so much!!!
I hope things work out well. Your daughter is lucky to have a parent who is on her side all the way.
Sounds like your 8 yr old daughter needs to branch out to other friends. This is definitely a life lesson for her to learn that some friends are not for life, but for a season and it's time to branch out. Friends are people that you enjoy being around, not being controlled by or making you feel bad about yourself. If a "friend" is being more of a control freak these are red flags that she isn't a "friend" at all. Good luck!
Ask your daughter what would she think if one of her acquaintances wherein the same situation. Should the girl put up with it? Then she'll see what she needs to do.
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Thank you all for the advice
