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First I am leaning heavily towards MYOB. But was curious what others thought.
My son goes to a very small middle school. The school takes a different stance on bullying. They say "It happens" and work with the bully specifically on their behaviors with interventions that aren't always punishments (they have some specially trained staff that is able to do so). They also work to protect the kid being picked on, but we know most bullying is hidden from adults.
I agree with this, and it being a small school, its something they can deal with.
Last week I started hearing about a boy who was harassing and bullying my son and his friend. We talked about it and he didn't want me to get involved but we came up with strategies for dealing with him. This week it came to a boiling point and my son lost his temper and shoved the kid. My son told me this because he felt bad he had done it and knows pushing is wrong. I was surprised the school didn't call me so I decided to call before it got way out of hand and get the story from the teachers.
Turns out the boy isn't bullying my son because he stands up to him. The boy is bullying other kids and my son is stepping in and they didn't fault him for the altercation. They assured me they are working with the boy that is bothering other kids, but confirmed he is causing a lot of problems for several boy...but that they are dealing with it.
I reconnected with my son and he verified this. But he told me with concern that his best friend is being bullied by this kid and hasn't told his mom because he doesn't want to upset her. I am friendly with the mother and she mentioned her son had been bullied before. My son asked me to call her and tell her so maybe she can help her son. My son's best friend is a easy target because he gets upset easily and doesn't stand up for himself.
I am really learning toward minding my own business and letting the school and the boy handle it. I don't know the mom well enough to know what her reaction would be and the boy might be right not to tell her. But if it were me, I would REALLY want to know so I could hold the school accountable for protecting my son from emotional abuse.
Thoughts?
Last edited by HighFlyingBird; 10-07-2017 at 08:36 AM..
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It sounds like the school knows - I would be surprised if they haven't contacted the boy's parents. They know this boy is bullying several kids, and that your son has stood up to him about bullying other kids, and this boy is his best friend . . .
Bullying can lead to some pretty significant mental health issues. I'd tell the mom, especially because you're friendly with her and because your son is his best friend. If you didn't want to do that, you could tip off the school that you're concerned about the boy. They won't be able to share specifics with you, but if they're not on it, then that will get them on it.
What do you plan to tell the boy's mother? ... that your son and the school said her son was bullying other kids (which she undoubtedly already knows)? Unless you have something constructive to offer or are sincerely offering friendship -- or this situation worsens and involves your son, injecting your opinion is simply 'meddling' in something the mother and school are already dealing with.
Based on the notion that "pushing" among boys is a big deal, it sounds like these are probably 7-9-year olds - and your son is an only child (?) Continue to monitor the situation through your son, but, give the school and mother room to resolve things, without your input.
It sounds like the school knows - I would be surprised if they haven't contacted the boy's parents. They know this boy is bullying several kids, and that your son has stood up to him about bullying other kids, and this boy is his best friend . . .
I would bet the school is on it.
Yeah I would hope so. But they didn't contact me about my son shoving the boy which I would normally expect. They said it wasn't intended to hurt the boy and "was understandable under the situation" but didn't go more into it. Privacy and stuff. I guess my son has become a bit of a body guard...which is funny because he is the shortest in his school. So I am just not sure how they do things.
Bullying can lead to some pretty significant mental health issues. I'd tell the mom, especially because you're friendly with her and because your son is his best friend. If you didn't want to do that, you could tip off the school that you're concerned about the boy. They won't be able to share specifics with you, but if they're not on it, then that will get them on it.
Yeah...maybe. I feel weird about being a buttinski. But I wouldn't want to not know if it was my kid.
What do you plan to tell the boy's mother? ... that your son and the school said her son was bullying other kids (which she undoubtedly already knows)? Unless you have something constructive to offer or are sincerely offering friendship -- or this situation worsens and involves your son, injecting your opinion is simply 'meddling' in something the mother and school are already dealing with.
Based on the notion that "pushing" among boys is a big deal, it sounds like these are probably 7-9-year olds - and your son is an only child (?) Continue to monitor the situation through your son, but, give the school and mother room to resolve things, without your input.
I don't plan on telling the mother anything...I have been leaning towards minding my own business. It only came up because my son asked me to call the boy's mom so I was debating on what to do.
They are 11-12, grade 6. My son is one of 4 kids (2 are young adults now). He knows very well he is not allowed to lay his hands on another kid at school. Its really serious. A lot of school do not tolerate any physical violence. He is a really good kid and almost never strikes back when his sister hits him. He also knows he can really lose his temper and works hard not to get that angry. So to him, it was a big deal.
With the "bully" he has intimidated him enough when the boy tried to mess with him that the boy wont even try, the teacher told me. He has become a body guard type...which they teach in school is a way to help kids who are being bullied. So he isn't in trouble for that...but yeah it does feel like if I go further its meddling.
But I also think...what if he had shoved the boy harder, he had fallen back, hit his head and was actually injured. What would this all look like now? I guess I wish I knew what the school really was doing. Being 6th grade its a new school for us and they do things differently then other schools we have been to.
Turns out the boy isn't bullying my son because he stands up to him. The boy is bullying other kids and my son is stepping in and they didn't fault him for the altercation. They assured me they are working with the boy that is bothering other kids, but confirmed he is causing a lot of problems for several boy...but that they are dealing with it.
?
Sounds to me more like they are NOT dealing with it. He is bullying multiple kids and causing a lot of problems for several boys. So this is not a one off thing that was dealt with and resolved, but an ongoing problem. If your son has become the protector stepping between the bully and other kids, that's a great son you have. But he shouldn't have to more than once before the school intervenes and stops the issue. The fact that he is having to intervene means the school is failing.
Whether you tell the other mother or not is a different issue.
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