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My son recently lived with us for a while and he gave us a one day notice that he was moving out and he moved in with people he has only known for a month or two .We think he did not like our rules .Our rules were no one in the house that we did not know 2. no loud talking while we were trying to sleep we all kept different hours .3. he pay 200 a month to help out with things 4. he had to keep his room and things neat and clean . Not rules that could not be followed really closely . I don't think we were unreasonable . Boo hoo the world is full of rules . Now he does not understand why we are angry with him . Well we busted our humps to help him and get him things he needed and this is the thanks we get a one day notice he is moving out . we feel betrayed and angry and we no longer want to help any of them now because of how we were done .I'm not angry with my other children but they seem to be with me . But I can live with that .I'm just wondering why do these supposed adults act like entitled spoiled brats ? is this how our future generations are turning out ? I have seen other people complaining about their adult kids acting the same way and wondering why ? oh and now he has said he is moving in with his sister . Well I for one am tired of being the bad guy , anyone else here have the same problem with their adult kids ?
I can understand her hurt feelings. He moved back and Phonelady had high expectations of helping him get on his feet. When he left, he took her offer of help and threw it out the window. People say she couldnt expect to help him or in other words, parent him.
But she is human and vulnerable when she opened her arms (and heart as well as her home) to him. She wanted the best for him and there was a conflict when her view and his view collided.
I am not a parent but my mother and I have had many conflicts in my ehm -
Spoiler
nearly half century
years.
As randomparent said, parents and adult children can have angry outbursts covering the burden of anxiety. I will add that the hurts and anger can cause a world of confusion for both parties.
With my mom, I've been so confused and hurt by her anger. I never understood why it happened. But thanks to this thread and esp. randomparent (Thank you), I see it a little clearer. That is the important thing, seeking clarification.
We're really vulnerable in parent/child relationships as we struggle with issues, separation as well as others. Remember we're all human and doing the best we can.
I wish you the best, Phonelady. I'm glad you posted.
You should be celebrating your son’s newfound independence, yet you are complaining that he doesn’t want to comply with your rules? Instead of getting on each other’s nerves you should consider this a new start for both of you. Consider this a win-win.
I like this answer! I have been through the humps and bumps that adult children can cause also, it seems to me everyone has. I moved to a different country and left all behind except my money and independence.
I see a lot of posts here by parents of adult kids. There really shouldn't be. Parenting ends when the kid turns 18. In my opinion, this is a board for parents of actual children. Once they reach adulthood they aren't kids anymore.
Tell them no, set boundaries and if you can't, it's ultimately your fault.
Parenting doesn’t end at 18.....not good parenting anyway.
Sounds like a control issue to me. The OP wanted total control over her son, with him moved out, she can't do that.
I can maybe see why he wanted out. Sounds like the OP is all about telling her son, and her friends (see previous thread about friend being in auto accident) what they need to do, and if they dont agree, they are wrong.
^^^^^This^^^^^
This explains her anger in the original post. She no longer has control and is bitter about her son moving out. I would be grateful that he took the initiative to move out. Will he makes mistakes and struggle along the way? Of course. That is part of growing up. We all did.
Status:
"48 years in MD, 18 in NC"
(set 16 days ago)
Location: Greenville, NC
2,309 posts, read 6,105,617 times
Reputation: 1430
Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61
well we were trying to teach him how to live in the real world like paying bills and getting a 2nd job which he needed and a car and yet he chooses to move . you cant move with a one day notice in the real world . I'm tired of these entitled kids who think whatever they do is right . I guess maybe I expected him to do right and abide by the rules and no he broke a few rules and was told like an adult about him breaking the rules . He also needed to learn how to pay rent and to get back on his feet . Which he was not even close too .wow how many of you have adult kids ? just wondering if some of you posting here even have kids ? Please do tell me .
I'll answer your question first. I have 2 adult children. Both of them live in the real world and I'm just as proud of them as can be.
You don't say how old (I didn't read the whole thread) your son is but at this point it doesn't matter. I feel confident in saying that he's probably over 18.
The lessons that you are attempting to teach him now are lessons that he should have learned when he was young.
I see this over and over again. I feel that a parent needs to start treating their children like adults at around 15 or 16. Require that they get a part time job. Require that they keep their grades up. Require that they get their driver's license. Once they get their license require that they pay their portion of the car insurance. If they want a phone they pay for it and for their own service. You also have to ease up on them regarding restrictions like the time of night you expect them home by. Get them ready now for the real world.
An old guy named Oakey once taught me something when I was about 18. I was working at his gas station and he asked me to do something or the other. I don't remember what it was. Anyway, I told him that I can't. I didn't know how. He looked me straight in the eye and said "Can't Never Could". I did complete that task and have lived by that saying my whole life.
Any time my kids would say that they can't I would break that saying out. It worked on them just like it did on me. We don't give up. Never.
I can understand her hurt feelings. He moved back and Phonelady had high expectations of helping him get on his feet. When he left, he took her offer of help and threw it out the window. People say she couldnt expect to help him or in other words, parent him.
But she is human and vulnerable when she opened her arms (and heart as well as her home) to him. She wanted the best for him and there was a conflict when her view and his view collided.
I am not a parent but my mother and I have had many conflicts in my ehm -
Spoiler
nearly half century
years.
As randomparent said, parents and adult children can have angry outbursts covering the burden of anxiety. I will add that the hurts and anger can cause a world of confusion for both parties.
With my mom, I've been so confused and hurt by her anger. I never understood why it happened. But thanks to this thread and esp. randomparent (Thank you), I see it a little clearer. That is the important thing, seeking clarification.
We're really vulnerable in parent/child relationships as we struggle with issues, separation as well as others. Remember we're all human and doing the best we can.
I wish you the best, Phonelady. I'm glad you posted.
If this is the case, it makes far more sense than anything the op posted. Still, ALL of her adult children are angry with her, and her posting history shows a pattern of butting in when she shouldn't, judging people without the whole story, and becoming offended when her advice isn't followed. I have a feeling she creates her own problems, and I don't blame an adult child for wanting to move away from all that.
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I'm glad you posted.
