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I'm nearly 25 and I'll call my mom 1,000 miles away in Oregon for guidance on grad school options/possible career changes/relationship complaints - at least 2 or 3 times a month.
Since when did parenting stop at 18 lmao
Parenting doesn't stop at 18....but the manner and TYPE of parenting can and should change. Its when parents or kids get "stuck" in their ways too long that the trouble starts IMHO. People like status quo, change is a threat to most. But, as they say, the only constant in life is change. You can resent your kids as a burden, as moochers, or as thoughtless beings who leave you dangling, but you set yourself up for that a long time before they moved out.
I'm unsure what there is to be angry about or feel betrayed over. He's an adult who moved out of his parent's home. Unless you needed more notice to find a boarder in order to meet the mortgage what difference does it make how much notice he provided? Were you thinking he'd stay? Did he follow the agreed upon rules while he was there? If he was rude ir didn't live up to his agreement then DIDN'T leave, I could see your point. Maybe I'm missing something....
I'd be throwing a party he moved out. Adults shouldn't be living with parents anyway. You helped him, he moved on, is he supposed to thank you every day now for the rest of his life? And you got money out of him to help for expenses. Most of the adult sponges, and mainly men too, contribute NOTHING. Our LL's son didn't even work or go to school and mom and dad paying for POT, yes POT, a brand new car, insurance, lease payments. Yeah, I don't think you had it TOO bad...
ROFL! Good one! Do you even have kids? Once a parent, always a parent. Literally.
This forum would be pretty lame if it was only parents of babies trying to figure stuff out, don't you think? It's the parents of adult kids who know about all stages of parenting, and know if what they did actually worked.
I see a lot of posts here by parents of adult kids. There really shouldn't be. Parenting ends when the kid turns 18. In my opinion, this is a board for parents of actual children. Once they reach adulthood they aren't kids anymore.
Tell them no, set boundaries and if you can't, it's ultimately your fault.
I'm with the others who responded. You really dropped the ball with this one.
Parenting doesn't mean you have to literally support your adult kids, but you are still there to guide them and help them. My dd is 26 and has not lived with me for more than a couple of months at a time between semesters and living abroad since she was 17 and graduated from high school, but she is still my kid. She had a major crisis two years ago, and I held my breath while she got through it and let her know I was there if she needed me.
She recently had a health issue, and I drove the 180 miles to where she lives to accompany her to the doctor so she wouldn't have to go alone feeling the way she did. She will have surgery in March, and I will be at her house to help her during the first days of her recovery. I am her mother, and she will ALWAYS be my child.
I'm with the others who responded. You really dropped the ball with this one.
Parenting doesn't mean you have to literally support your adult kids, but you are still there to guide them and help them. My dd is 26 and has not lived with me for more than a couple of months at a time between semesters and living abroad since she was 17 and graduated from high school, but she is still my kid. She had a major crisis two years ago, and I held my breath while she got through it and let her know I was there if she needed me.
She recently had a health issue, and I drove the 180 miles to where she lives to accompany her to the doctor so she wouldn't have to go alone feeling the way she did. She will have surgery in March, and I will be at her house to help her during the first days of her recovery. I am her mother, and she will ALWAYS be my child.
I was like your daughter. I had to have a surgery when I was 30. My mother drove from FL to NC to stay with me before and after the surgery to help me.
I was like your daughter. I had to have a surgery when I was 30. My mother drove from FL to NC to stay with me before and after the surgery to help me.
Good luck to your daughter.
Thanks. Four years ago I had surgery, and my mother came to stay with me for a few days, too. I was 55 at the time. She was 85.
I got to return the favor two years later when she had a quadruple bypass.
Now she is 89 and taking care of my 51-year-old brother who is in heart failure.
I can understand the frustration, but I think the OP is personalizing the situation too much.
What kid wouldn't rather live with a bunch of friends then at home with rules and such? That's pretty normal.
If you are concerned about the responsibility level, leave emotion out of it and lay down the law.
Something like:
I understand why you want to move out, BUT I had hoped you would take this opportunity to solidify your financial situation. You are choosing not to do that, and this is not a free hotel for you to come and go at your leisure. Please understand, that if you choose to do this, then it is on you, even if you run into trouble.
PS: of course if they were in genuine trouble, I would do something, but I don't want THEM to know that. If he lives close by I would expect "visits" where he just "happened" to have his laundry in the car, and for him to inhale the majority of pantry contents.
I'm a stepmom.
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Sorry, I'm laughing -- there's another thread where the dad is bemoaning the fact that his daughter won't move out, and now there's this, where the parent is upset that the son DID move out . . .
I think you need to see this as a positive -- your son is willing to take a bold, scary step out into the world and take responsibility for himself. Believe it or not, this is a GOOD thing! Your rules were not unreasonable at all, but it's normal for a child to want to spread their wings. I don't know whether or not this is a cultural thing that doesn't expect a son to move out of the house? And expecting 30 days notice for your son to move out is a bit excessive, IMO. It's making me fee like you miss his rent more than you miss him.
Regardless, this is pretty much the normal way of things, here. It's not a slap in your face, or a rejection of you by your son. It's just your son wanting to take steps to being a "real" independent adult. He still loves you. Don't make this out to be a referendum on your parenting. Sounds like you did a pretty good job. He will learn -- and either he will succeed, or he will stumble and make mistakes, like most of us did at some point or another. But he will quickly learn from those mistakes. This is how we grow.
What did his lease say regarding notification about moving out?
Excellent point !!!
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