My 18 y/o just moved out-I was clueless. (ideas, games, activity)
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The stolen money you give her access to could be her undoing. Cancel all cards now. If she has a buddy using her for money, the buddy will be gone if the money is gone.
Yes, I tend to agree with this. We don't know if she has a "buddy" or not, or if this is her own desire to live off mom's teat a few decades longer than she should've. In either event, cutting off the money is the only way to go. "Tracking" the daughter? So you know the ATM where money was withdrawn. So what? What's gonna happen?
Cut off the money. Get out of this situation. Get HER out of this situation so that you can both move on. If she moves on with you, wonderful. If she moves on without you, so be it.
I also think you should call the bank today and get all new cards, cancel the ones she has. Make sure the new accounts she opened aren't linked to yours so she can make transfers online.
I don't think I'd tell her, but wait for the call/text after she finds out.
This is most likely. The money scheme was orchestrated by the guy. She gives him the cash. He has not done anything illegal--she is the perpetrator and the victim. Perfect crime. He remains in the shadows.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kokonutty
This is a very sexist posting. It is equally possible that she met a woman online who has her looting the mother's accounts. There are at least half a dozen similar posts here even though the OP has made no reference to any man but did mention a mysterious woman who may have posed as the daughter's boss.
You make some good points, but this type of scam is frequently perpetrated by a man. That the OP has not mentioned a man is irrelevant. OP had no idea any of this was going on.
You might want to treat this as a fraud case, even if you don't want to press charges against your daughter.
Cancel your credit cards. If you feel the need to track her by using your credit card, leave one open with a low credit ceiling.
Get your credit report from every agency- look to see if accounts have been opened in your name. Dispute all charges that you haven't made and open up fraud investigations on the rest.
Consider locking your new credit cards and freezing your account. This will prevent her or her 'friends' from opening new accounts in your name and/or using your old accounts. It's a pain to unlock them when you want to use them but it is a form of protection. Also consider joining one of the programs where they alert you if anybody tries to make a purchase with your cards.
She claims that since she is 18, she doesn't have to tell you what she is doing. Tell her that since she is 18, you don't have to fund her little "adventure".
I would turn her lying little butt into the cops and press charges for theft. Don't let her get away with disrespecting you.
This is a good point. IF you want the cops to help you find her and get her out of whatever she is doing, prosecuting the theft will go further than trying to convince them someone who moved away of their own volition is "missing" "Missing" and "I personally do not know where she went" are two different things. She is not missing she is only not communicating with you. Police to not pursue cases of failure to communicate. She went elsewhere because she decided to go elsewhere. She did not just disappear.
Some people see this as a disciplinary issue where the daughter is disobeying the OP's wishes and needs to be taught a lesson. Others, including me, see this as a situation where the daughter has been duped into stealing from her mother and running off with a stranger who most likely intends to do her harm.
If it were my daughter, I'd make sure she knew I was there for her and I'd make sure she had a phone and access to enough money to come back home when she wants to.
I did not see anything indicating there was someone else involved - just speculation by some posters. If you are correct, there is no way to make sure she has enough money. Her "duper" is in control of the moeny and the credit cards. Ensuring continued access is just giving him or her more funds and a reason to maintain the situation.
I'm a little surprised that a cop with your years of experience doesn't know what a "missing" person is.
She voluntarily left, with no way to support herself, only having stolen an amount of money from her mother to sustain herself for a little while. At the age of 18.
That's "missing". And when we turn our backs on this missing people and refuse to use resources to locate them, they often end up dead or permanently "missing", for like, 50 years +.
When cops decide someone isn't "missing", they're quite often wrong, with deadly consequences.
Maybe you've never had a family member go missing, Rich, and I hope it never happens to you.
Sorry Clara, this case does not fit the definition of a "missing person." What you may have is; an irresponsible young woman, making poor decisions. None the less, these decisions, based on what the OP has written, have been not only voluntary on the part of her daughter, but carefully planned (stealing money, lying about her whereabouts, etc.).
The daughter, for better or worse, is legally an adult. Her thinking might be foolish, the consequences unfortunate, but this is her legal right.
Also, consider this; even if one could find a law enforcement agency to take a missing persons report, it is unlikely any meaningful investigation would be done.
Finally, I never had a family member go missing, but I would face the same situation and options as in this case.
Rich
Taken from the NYPD Patrol Guide:
Pl.'s Ex. A, Patrol Guide, NYC 806. "Persons eighteen (18) years of age or older, who have left home voluntarily because of domestic, financial or similar reasons" are excluded from the definition of a missing person.
Last edited by RichCapeCod; 05-03-2018 at 12:58 PM..
I did not see anything indicating there was someone else involved - just speculation by some posters. If you are correct, there is no way to make sure she has enough money. Her "duper" is in control of the moeny and the credit cards. Ensuring continued access is just giving him or her more funds and a reason to maintain the situation.
The OP doesn't know what's going on, but it seems unlikely that an 18-year-old girl would lie and fly the coop in such a radical way all on her own. I'm not suggesting her mother should give her unlimited access to funds. But several posters have said the OP should X, Y, or Z to her "lying little ass." If it were my daughter, my first thought would be that she is over her head in an ugly situation and I wouldn't take any action that she would perceive as my turning my back on her.
I'd keep the lines of communication as open as possible and try to make sure she had cab or bus fare available and could hide out in a hotel room if needed. If she's in a situation from which she needs to escape, I'd want to make that possible. I get that it's difficult without also funding a pimp or scammer if that's what's going on, but I'd err on the side of giving my daughter a way out.
I would send her a message that the cards are being cancelled, but if she needs to come home, a bus/plane/train ticket will be waiting for her at the airport/station ASAP or you will come to pick her up. BUT, there will be no more money coming her way.
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