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Not all of us. It's really no big deal - the second time they roll over is pretty much like the first. I don't see any reason for getting bent out of shape about things like this. When my son was little he was in day care and they were really hesitant to tell me about new things he was doing because of this silliness over "firsts". When I figured it out, I told them not to worry, I was good with it and would appreciate if they would just go ahead and tell me so I could watch for it again at home.
OK, but it does matter to the OP and that's who this particular discussion is about. Those moments are not inconsequential to her. And that is ok. Her MIL doesn't get to swoop in to grab/recreate those moments she might regret missing out on the first time around at the expense of the OP.
OK, but it does matter to the OP and that's who this particular discussion is about. Those moments are not inconsequential to her. And that is ok. Her MIL doesn't get to swoop in to grab/recreate those moments she might regret missing out on the first time around at the expense of the OP.
Yes. And I'm not so sure I believe this bit 100%, which came from the OP's husband, not his mother: "I talked with my H and he explained the history to me. Abd I get it. Once upon a time she was a working mom and had to give up time with her own kids in order to provide for them. And she missed out on a lot of things. My FIL basically raised them on his own."
It has worked on me, when my daughter has done it. As a teenager, she calmly explained how I needed to back off and give her some space to be with her friends, and why. It made sense to me and I did back off.
It has worked on me, when my daughter has done it. As a teenager, she calmly explained how I needed to back off and give her some space to be with her friends, and why. It made sense to me and I did back off.
Good for the two of you.
I've also see it work for Tammy Taylor on Saturday Night Lights.
Not saying "I messages" aren't a a good place to start, only that it generally takes a lot more to resolve such situations, particularly when one person is so over the top.
If the MIL is swooping in on music lessons, grabbing the LO, pretending to be his mother, and so forth I doubt that an "I message" is going to change that situation.
Perhaps. Perhaps the heavens will open and she will realize how out of bounds this all is.
Or perhaps she'll complain to her son that DIL is cutting her out of her precious grandchild's life and why are they so selfish after all she's done for him, and ...
Yes. And I'm not so sure I believe this bit 100%, which came from the OP's husband, not his mother: "I talked with my H and he explained the history to me. Abd I get it. Once upon a time she was a working mom and had to give up time with her own kids in order to provide for them. And she missed out on a lot of things. My FIL basically raised them on his own."
Your child is growing up and your MIL is getting older. Right now your child is a big deal. A good part of that will fade over time. Right now I would be taking advantage, having lots of date nights and weekends away with the H. If she is wanting to care for your child, great. Let her and be grateful for the break! It's a gift for a child to grow up knowing his grandmother. And your child will have those memories forever.
Don't tell her about stuff you want to do with your child. If you don't tell her, she can't come. You and your H just need to get on the same page about this and agree not to mention it.
When my H and his siblings were growing up, my MIL had a pretty demanding job. She often worked long hours, had business trips, etc. She didnt get the chance to really watch them grow and to raise them.
Both my sister in laws live across the country so MIL didnt have the opportunity to be around them. She felt like she missed out on her own kids and also her older grandkids.
When my H and I had a child last year, MIL went a little overboard compensating for her lost time with her kids/grandkids. We live close to her. She was over 3-4 times a week, she wanted to come to preditrician appointments, she took firsts away from me. I basically felt like she was trying to be a mom again with my kid and I didnt like that feeling.
I talked with my H and he explained the history to me. Abd I get it. Once upon a time she was a working mom and had to give up time with her own kids in order to provide for them. And she missed out on a lot of things. My FIL basically raised them on his own.
I get it . I really do. I'm trying so hard to be ok with sharing my son. I'm trying so hard to not feel resentment when I think shes mothering him. I'm trying. But I'm also failing. I feel resentment, I feel hurt. I feel like there are 2 moms in my sons life. I dont know what I can do to feel better about this situation.
I posted this question in a different forum and was told by everyone that MIL is crazy and she needs to be cut out. I dont want to do that. I want us all to be one happy family but I also want her to respect that there must be boundaries and she cant and she usnt my sons mom.
For example, at a family dinner I told everyone that I was taking a mommy and me music class and how LO loves to bang on the drum. Apparently MIL took this as an invitation. For the remaining 6classes, she came to every one of them and she was the one who held my son and played with him. I felt like an outsider watching. I never asked her to come, she never asked me if she could. She just showed up. It's just things like this that bothers me.
If I were to say no dont come, I would feel so guilty. But when she does come, I feel like shes being intrusive and I feel like an outsider. Either way whether she comes or not, I feel bad.
And she tries and did take firsts from me. With fall coming up, shes all about taking LO to his first pumpkin patch. Abd that's something I want to do with him. I dont want her to come along either because she will take over. I have a more passive personality and shes more aggressive. It is just not in my nature to stand up to people
My H did try to gently tell her to back off a little bit. But she just ended up sobbing and we both felt guilty about that.
I'm sorry this is so long and rambling. I hope I got my question across in all this mess. I dont know how to be ok with mil treating my LO like he is her child.
Does her loving bring happiness to your son? Does he run to her when she comes over? I presume she is not harming your son in anyway. Maybe she is over-compensating as you say but it is not unusual for grandparents to dote and probably overcompensate.
Yes it does seem she could back off a little but she doesn't seem to recognize she shouldn't overly interfere in your family's life. Maybe hurting her feelings is the only way she will learn it.
My grandmother was my comfort zone. She loved me unconditionally and demonstrated it.
There is no such thing as too much love.
I've also see it work for Tammy Taylor on Saturday Night Lights.
Not saying "I messages" aren't a a good place to start, only that it generally takes a lot more to resolve such situations, particularly when one person is so over the top.
If the MIL is swooping in on music lessons, grabbing the LO, pretending to be his mother, and so forth I doubt that an "I message" is going to change that situation.
Perhaps. Perhaps the heavens will open and she will realize how out of bounds this all is.
Or perhaps she'll complain to her son that DIL is cutting her out of her precious grandchild's life and why are they so selfish after all she's done for him, and ...
The situation may very well need more than one conversation. But the OP asked how she should approach her MIL and I gave her a suggestion. It's a starting point.
I was a child whose grandparents were a big part of my life. You parents who are jealous of the time your children spend with their grandparents, assuming they are normal, loving people, are robbing your children. Shame on you.
I agree. My parents had wonderful grandparents who were very involved in their lives on a daily basis. They loved them very much. Their POV of the relationship was very loving, positive, etc.
I was not fortunate to have such a relationship with my grandmothers (grandfathers died early): one side due to physical distance (lived 3000 miles away) and the other due to personal distance (she was a cold person and uninterested). Also, my GM and mother did not get along.
I always wished I had loving extended family and involved grandparents. Unfortunately, my daughter's situation is similar to mine and she feels the same way.
Please don't deprive your children. I agree the OP should limit the information she gives her MIL if she does not want to include her in those things.
Yes, I believe I indicated that, if not, I'm agreeing now. Generally, with these "Mom and Me" classes, it's one child per one adult. I'm surprised the instructor didn't say something. If GM wants to participate, say once in the session of classes, I'd find that OK.
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