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Often writing a letter and not sending it is thereuputic (sorry about the spelling). Write a letter; put everything you ever wanted to say into it. Put it in an envelope, seal it, then burn it. Unfortunately, your parents probably would never read a letter like that anyway. This way you can have some form of release. Then follow what other posts have said--return any mail unopened.
For informing the sister-in-law (which I totalling agree with), does she do it in person (if so, ask to meet for lunch to be on neutral ground) or over the phone?
You might want to look into "grandparent adoption", especially if you want to have kids some day. Find an older couple (through church?) to have dinners with and such. It could help fill the void of disowning your parents. I imagine that cutting your parents off, even as horrid as your's are, creates somewhat of a emptyness.
You might want to look into "grandparent adoption", especially if you want to have kids some day. Find an older couple (through church?) to have dinners with and such. It could help fill the void of disowning your parents. I imagine that cutting your parents off, even as horrid as your's are, creates somewhat of a emptyness.
Depends upon the situation--personally, after I cut my parents/family off, I was considerably happier with myself and my life; no problems with emptiness or any other negative affect whatsoever. And, I have no desire to fill that 'void' with other people as substitutes. One should also keep in mind that although you may find 'older friends' if you so choose to fill the place of your parents, they may be perfectly okay with friendship but not so okay with the idea of being replacement family members. Many, after all, do have their own families (although you may certainly find some older individuals who are alone themselves willing to take on that role).
That's horrible tink37, and I think you sound very healthy for someone who's been thru all that. One more little piece of advice to add to the excellent advice you've already been given--ditch them yes, now, but check out the laws for grandparents rights in your state and do whatever you have to to keep them away from your future children--I'd do whatever I had to do to keep them away. And I know you already know this--lose the guilt. They are the ones who should be guilty, but I doubt they're feeling it.
i read your article. you seem very put together. i know in time you will find answers and just do what your heart says. it's never led me wrong. It's so hard sometimes with family. for me I choose to forgive. it seems like in time that there may be restoration, but it may come at a cost to you. it all depends on what you want if you want to or not. it really depends on the person. The hard things in my life have made me who i am today. actually i am so thankful for that. i know you must be too by your letter, you know that they are deceived so just reasure yourself every day of what you know is true and don't listen to the negative things of the past. if you know that someone is truly toxic just cut ties there is pruning in everyone's life to be made. as long as you find a mother figure and father figure i think you'll be fine and great friends. i think that you should try and use a mediator if you are on somewhat good terms with your sister use her to convey your feelings and let them know you need to not disown, but postpone the relationship until you have had time to heal and are ready to give them a second chance, if you feel you want to. I hope you read this and it helps.
Severing ties with family is a terrible, sad thing, but certainly justified in your case. You're an adult, it's not a legal issue. Write them a letter telling them to no longer contact you. You don't need to explain why if you don't want to. Change your phone number to an unlisted number if you like. Return any mail you receive. Block their email accounts so their emails go into your trash can. That's it.
I do agree with the above poster who suggested attempting to talk to your brother's wife, and advise her of what happened to you as a child. I'd bet anything she doesn't believe you, but for the sake of the child, it's worth trying. At least she will have your words in her head in case anything suspicious occurs in the future.
I did cut off my abusive parents and once my daughters became teens, they began telling them stories to turn them against me. Sadly it has been successful. Now my daughters are all in their early 20s and have as of this month cut off their relationship with me. My best friend is a psychiatrist and compared it to "mob mentality" and similar to what happened to the Nazis in WW2. They hear stories from multiple people and because their lives aren't what they want, they need someone to blame and are choosing me. They are vicious. I'm learning to have a thicker skin.
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Be careful
