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Old 02-22-2021, 10:22 PM
 
2,157 posts, read 869,077 times
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If she is willing to do it, if she doesn't feel she's going to throw away any education and career opportunities, it would be great, especially as she's not making that much money. Unless grandparents are babysitting for free, a good portion of her income will go to childcare. And one of you will still have to stay home anytime the child is sick, and take off for routine medical appointments.

Why have children if they are going to be brought up by baby sitters? A parent is going to be much more concerned about what their child is learning, and how they behave, than any daycare. Depending on her job, perhaps she could work part time once the child is in pre school.

Even without having children it's wonderful to have someone home to manage everything. I loved it when my husband retired. It freed up a lot of time for both of us. There's nothing like having a stay at home spouse, at least one that accomplishes stuff. It would be pretty awful having one that stayed home and didn't do anything.
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Old 02-23-2021, 03:59 AM
Status: "Only the most loved have a place on my cap" (set 29 days ago)
 
1,040 posts, read 310,860 times
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When I quit my full time corporate job my spouse was making 75k/year. We had a van lease at 256/mo and mortgage and taxes were 2100/mo. We were able to do it. Cancelled cable, smartphone, took free day trips on weekends like picnics at parks, etc. Ate lots of pasta. Gave ourselves haircuts, stopped getting coffee outside the home, stopped eating out. When the lease was up, bought a 98 honda for 1,200. If you want to do it, you can do it.
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Old 02-23-2021, 06:44 AM
 
Location: NJ
15,782 posts, read 24,567,673 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
Besides the cost of daycare, you’d save on gas, clothing and lunches. It would probably almost be a wash.
There is such peace of mind in knowing that someone is at home taking care of business. Mom is there when the kids are sick. Mom is there to supervise and keep the home running smoothly.

Of course, OPs wife is just trading a 9-5 job for a 24/7 job, so she has to want to.

Totally agree about the savings and how by the time you pay daycare, gas, clothing and food it may come out to be the same. It's why I stopped working with my 2nd child. I was bringing home about $50 a week after paying daycare, I didn't even include gas etc. I started working a weekend job for extra cash. We really didn't need it because my ex made good money at the time. I learned to be very frugal and shop sales. Being home I had the luxury to shop store sales for food and be able to make better dinners.

Once the kids go to daycare, there are days they're closed, so the OP will have to have a backup plan for those days and weeks they're closed. My granddaughter had 4 off days these last 2 weeks due to snow and whatever else. Thankfully we're home so she stayed home.

Once they start going to daycare, you can't control how often they get sick. If the child poops runny they have to be out for 24 hours because they possibly have the runs. It's ridiculous. I can't count the number of times my grandson was sent home from head start with something that wasn't even serious. He also picked up every cold that was going around. Thankfully I wasn't working and could watch him. Once the kids get into elementary you have a better schedule for when they're out except for winter and spring break at a week each and the holidays, teachers in service days.
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Old 02-23-2021, 08:53 AM
 
Location: Alabama
2,328 posts, read 3,071,551 times
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The main benefit is that your child is raised by his or her mother. You can't put a pricetag on that.

You're making 188k/year, this shouldn't even be a question. The mother should only work outside the home if the family is literally going to starve without additional income.

My wife stayed home to raise the children back when I was making not much more than 30k/year. Thankfully I make more than that now - but the sacrifices of not having new vehicles, fancy 'toys'/electronics or whatever is well worth it for the sake of your child.

When your child grows up, he/she won't care about the big screen TV or brand new Denali - they will care about the time his/her parents invested in their upbringing.
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Old 02-23-2021, 12:25 PM
 
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My wife is a SAHM for now, will be going back to work when the pandemic is over, so probably late this year or early next year.


We're roughly in the same boat now as far as income/debt are concerned. I would actually prefer having my wife stay home, but my salary was cut dramatically last year, so it's not a question of want, she needs to go back to work for us to maintain our lifestyle. But it's been very good the past 6 years or so. She takes care of the household and when our daughter was old enough to start pre-K and then kindergarten, she had plenty of extra time to do things around the house, run errands, etc, and it gave her a break from 24-7 child care.


It's also been the best choice during this pandemic... we've been able to keep our daughter home for virtual learning, which would never be possible if she had a full time job. Other families with dual incomes were forced to send their kids to school even though it may not have been safe to do so. We get notifications every day about some kid or some member of the school staff being a confirmed case of Covid, so we're glad we have been able to avoid that mess.


It used to be the norm for a single earner household to have someone stay home with the kids. You really do get to see a lot of things, a lot of firsts, that would otherwise be missed with both parents working. Overall, I think it's a much less stressful way to raise a child. As others have said, being a parent is a 24/7 job, even if you have to work as well. Throwing a career into the mix just reduces the amount of time you have for everything.



My wife helps our daughter with school in the morning, they are done by noon, then she makes lunch for everyone. After that she goes and exercises for 1.5 hrs while the kid plays around the house. Then she takes a shower, goes and runs any errands she may have, and gets back with a couple hours to spare before dinner time. In the summer, both her and my daughter spend their afternoons around the pool, swimming and playing. If I didn't have to work, I'd gladly switch places with her!
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Old 02-23-2021, 12:36 PM
 
Location: Central IL
18,091 posts, read 11,206,906 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katana49 View Post
My wife is a SAHM for now, will be going back to work when the pandemic is over, so probably late this year or early next year.
...
My wife helps our daughter with school in the morning, they are done by noon, then she makes lunch for everyone. After that she goes and exercises for 1.5 hrs while the kid plays around the house. Then she takes a shower, goes and runs any errands she may have, and gets back with a couple hours to spare before dinner time. In the summer, both her and my daughter spend their afternoons around the pool, swimming and playing. If I didn't have to work, I'd gladly switch places with her!
I'm not picking on you specifically Katana...but I will say that most likely your wife will end up not quite killing herself to continue to do all the same things she did before, once she starts working. I truly hope that you (and other spouses with a working partner) will split those things up so she doesn't have to do double what she did as a SAHM.
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Old 02-23-2021, 01:42 PM
 
26,807 posts, read 24,297,556 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mstrlucky74 View Post
Hello all . Soon to be dad here.
Would love for my wife to stay home but would look about 45k in salary.
I make about $188k per year and have good union benefits. Guess that salary means nothing unless one knows full financial pictures. My wife has no problem working but also really wants to stay home with our child and second if we’re lucky enough to have.
I’m curious about the benefits of a mother being home with child full time ..I guess diff story once kid goes to school.
Would like to hear from other moms and dads that went though this. Thank you very much .
I have no first hand experience but I'll share an ex co workers. They married right out of college. Initially were making close to the same salary, her a bit more. After a few years they had their first and she continued to work as he got better job offers. Then comes baby number two. The boss refused to give her a raise (she deserved one) until after she turned in her resignation but she and her husband had already decided she would be a SAHM. The reasoning was stress and how it affected their home and marriage. They are a religious couple and mostly traditional so naturally while she was working she also did the cooking and housekeeping and got the kids to daycare, etc. This made her tired and stressed and I'm sure somewhat resentful and cranky. What money she earned was not worth the financial and emotional expense of working and juggling kids and home. It was the right decision for them. They now have 4 kids and a great marriage and are doing good financially.

You just have to do what is best for your own family.
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Old 02-23-2021, 02:40 PM
 
2,157 posts, read 869,077 times
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I notice no one seems to mention men staying home to take care of the home and children. I knew several women that had stay at home husbands. Only one wasn't happy with the arrangement. Not about the childcare aspect, but that she thought he should have been able to do a better job at keeping the house clean. I don't know having never been in their home, but they had twins. Might have been better in theory than actuality.

The other three women were happy with the arrangement. I don't know what their husbands did or the effect it had on their careers.

I knew some people in the medical field that worked different shifts so they only needed minimal childcare. Every family is going to have different ways of dealing with childcare. I also know a few grandparents that are full time babysitters. Some are very happy about it; and a few sometimes express feeling taken advantage of, yet are never willing to address the issue.
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Old 02-23-2021, 03:34 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
28,233 posts, read 18,632,076 times
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I was lucky to have 11 years of being at home with my kids. I went to work part time and then to full time over about 3 years or so. But my grands have known nothing except two working parents. They are thriving, and I am so impressed with how they are parented.

This is my opinion. I am not a child psychologist. If mom can stay home for at least three years with child—that is a good thing. Four years might even be better. In my observation, there is real stress in finding good child care for infants and toddlers. And finding this care is expensive, and not worry free.

But people’s circumstances are varied. You have to make a decision that is best for you.
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Old 02-23-2021, 06:53 PM
 
1,837 posts, read 519,305 times
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Seems like a no brainer to me in that she should stay home if she wants. You've both waited long enough for kids, you're financially well off. 188k for a yearly salary and 750k in your retirement funds is excellent!
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