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A woman calls in, she has a dilemma with one of her children. She has three kids, two young girls and one teenage son, around 13 yrs old. Seems the son helped himself to $500 of Fortnite play on her credit card.
The woman said she is punishing the boy by having no Christmas gifts on Christmas morning and she was feeling bad about it but was sticking to her guns. She mentioned how he would feel when the other kids were opening their gifts, maybe this would teach him a good lesson.
What would you do?
This is my opinion. I would not take the Christmas gifts away, due to the fact that that will ruin the siblings Christmas as well. They did nothing wrong, and I know my kids, they would not want to open their gifts is one didn't have any. That would be a horrible memory for them, and everybody's Christmas is ruined, as far as the family unity and peace and harmony on Christmas day.
As a mother, I love Christmas morning and live for that family unity and harmony that is so wonderful. The kids are ooohing and aaaahing over each other's gifts, and being polite to one another and this only happens once a year ha. With that being said, I would leave Christmas as is and do the following.
I would take the child's game center, laptop, I-pad, cell phone and anything at all that had monetary value and I would sell it and get all my money back. Then he would be grounded for about 3 months, and I would stick to my guns. If after the grounding is finished, he wants any of these things, he will have to work for them and buy them himself until he learns the value of $1.00 and how much money $500 is, and it is not OK to steal or sneak and use someone else's money to fund your wants.
He definitely needs strong discipline on this, but I don't think taking Christmas gifts away is the right way to go about it. That is my opinion, of course.
A woman calls in, she has a dilemma with one of her children. She has three kids, two young girls and one teenage son, around 13 yrs old. Seems the son helped himself to $500 of Fortnite play on her credit card.
The woman said she is punishing the boy by having no Christmas gifts on Christmas morning and she was feeling bad about it but was sticking to her guns. She mentioned how he would feel when the other kids were opening their gifts, maybe this would teach him a good lesson.
What would you do?
This is my opinion. I would not take the Christmas gifts away, due to the fact that that will ruin the siblings Christmas as well. They did nothing wrong, and I know my kids, they would not want to open their gifts is one didn't have any. That would be a horrible memory for them, and everybody's Christmas is ruined, as far as the family unity and peace and harmony on Christmas day.
As a mother, I love Christmas morning and live for that family unity and harmony that is so wonderful. The kids are ooohing and aaaahing over each other's gifts, and being polite to one another and this only happens once a year ha. With that being said, I would leave Christmas as is and do the following.
I would take the child's game center, laptop, I-pad, cell phone and anything at all that had monetary value and I would sell it and get all my money back. Then he would be grounded for about 3 months, and I would stick to my guns. If after the grounding is finished, he wants any of these things, he will have to work for them and buy them himself until he learns the value of $1.00 and how much money $500 is, and it is not OK to steal or sneak and use someone else's money to fund your wants.
He definitely needs strong discipline on this, but I don't think taking Christmas gifts away is the right way to go about it. That is my opinion, of course.
What would you do ?
While I can see both the mother's point and yours, the truth is that letting him have his Christmas gifts then punishing him later as you advise is highly likely to backfire.
The reason? It's highly likely that seventy-five to eighty percent of that teenaged boy's gifts are tech and gaming related rendering most of those Christmas gifts useless to him once he's been forced to sell his gaming and tech equipment. (That will be one miserable boy on Christmas morning if his gaming system has been or will be taken from him.) Also, given today's schooling requirements (particularly at his age) he *needs* his laptop and/or iPad for doing his schoolwork as they're as necessary as college ruled paper and number two pencils.
As a father is not mentioned in this scenario, I'm going to assume that there isn't one who lives in the boy's home. Taking away his phone is going to make it that much more difficult for him to communicate with the other parent. If his father is an active parent and co-parents well with his mother, perhaps they can put their heads together and mutually devise a punishment that fits the crime.
If mom's totally on her own, if she's already purchased tech/gaming gifts, those are the gifts to make "disappear," leaving him with just the low/no tech and practical gifts to unwrap on Christmas morning. That way he is still an active participant in the festivities, but still gets to feel the sting of not receiving some of the gifts that he might have really been hoping to receive.
After Christmas is done and dusted, then the full punishment begins starting with selling his gaming system to help to repay what he stole from his mother. Even if he doesn't fully repay the money owned (he is, after all, only thirteen without a steady income), that *will* hit him where it hurts as so many kids are nearly pathologically attached to gaming and the social good times that go along with it if he's gaming online.
I’d let him open his presents and enjoy them for one day and then grounded for a month , Christmas gifts confiscated until he has raised half the amount he stole (sell some of his items) donated some of his stuff, and write a 2 page essay on what impact stealing has.
I’d let him open his presents and enjoy them for one day and then grounded for a month , Christmas gifts confiscated until he has raised half the amount he stole (sell some of his items) donated some of his stuff, and write a 2 page essay on what impact stealing has.
I used to make my son write essays when his behavior outraged me; having him research various topics related to the offense. I also executed “contracts” with him regarding future behavior expectations and consequences.
I thought they were effective.
However, he is now parent to a 17-year old and sometimes airs frustrations with me. I have offered these same solutions to him and he has never executed them. So he obviously, when revisiting them as a past recipient, doesn’t believe they were effective.
I would take the child's game center, laptop, I-pad, cell phone and anything at all that had monetary value and I would sell it and get all my money back. Then he would be grounded for about 3 months, and I would stick to my guns. If after the grounding is finished, he wants any of these things, he will have to work for them and buy them himself until he learns the value of $1.00 and how much money $500 is, and it is not OK to steal or sneak and use someone else's money to fund your wants.
Interesting. Those things put together are worth more than $500 so your reaction is overkill and seems to stem more from anger than anything else. It makes no sense to take away equipment he may need for schoolwork, or his phone, which he may need to reach me in an emergency.
I would take the game center away and then I would put him to work doing chores and things around the house. Then I would keep a ledger at which each hour of his time is worth $10, and when his debt is "paid" I would consider returning the game center to him if he appears to have learned his lesson. Henceforth, if he wants extras, he can shovel snow, rake leaves, etc. like other boys his age do to earn money.
I would also learn my own lesson in not leaving my credit cards where my children can find them. Seems this mother was a little bit lackadaisical there.
Interesting. Those things put together are worth more than $500 so your reaction is overkill and seems to stem more from anger than anything else. It makes no sense to take away equipment he may need for schoolwork, or his phone, which he may need to reach me in an emergency.
I would take the game center away and then I would put him to work doing chores and things around the house. Then I would keep a ledger at which each hour of his time is worth $10, and when his debt is "paid" I would consider returning the game center to him if he appears to have learned his lesson. Henceforth, if he wants extras, he can shovel snow, rake leaves, etc. like other boys his age do to earn money.
I would also learn my own lesson in not leaving my credit cards where my children can find them. Seems this mother was a little bit lackadaisical there.
Yes, good thoughts!
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