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Anybody ever get blasted for believing their own children are not perfect little darlings all the time.
I have relatives who were shocked and horrified that I dared call into question my child's honesty about an incident that happened at school when he was maybe 7 or 8 years old. "GASP! You don't believe your own child? You think he's lying? How could you?"
Duh, yes I think he's lying in an attempt to keep from having to give back the trading cards he scammed from another child, and to keep from getting into trouble. Seems pretty normal to me.
I viewed it as an opportunity to explain why the thing he was doing was wrong, and that lying about it made it even worse.
I have no patience for parents who believe that their children NEVER tell stories, or take things that don't belong to them, or retaliate towards a playmate that makes them angry. Kids do stupid stuff. Parents are supposed to correct them when it happens.
I had a friend look at me strange whenever I was stern with my then almost 4 year old. For her benefit, her child was only 16 mo., but she thought the world of my son and I had the distinct feeling that she was feeling sorry for my son for having a strict mom. You know enforcing simple rules like letting the adults talk (not interrupting--still working on that one!), not taking things from the baby, saying thank you.
To me, a real parent can see their childrens faults and weaknesses and STILL love them.
What gets me is the parents who talk about someone elses kids and the stupid things they do to get into trouble, how bad someone elses kids are and seem obsessed with everyone elses "bad" kids. Quick to point out the trouble those kids get into.... When they have kids themselves and have not considered the possiability that theirs can end up doing the same things. Ususally they brag "Mine would never do something like that!".. Oh YEA? .. just wait!
I laugh everytime I hear a parent say "MY child don't lie!".. That tells me that parent is a fool! Or when they say "MY child tells me everything!".. Yea, everything they want you to know and none of the stuff they don't want you to know!
So many parents don't want to know and make sure they don't and those kids know this and use it to their advantage.
My late mother in law use to say; "Everytime I would say "My child would NEVER do something that another child did', my child would turn around and do it before the words had hardly got out of my mouth."
I totally agree with Oobie119, about kids having a different personality in front of their parents, I see it too as a teacher. It's very interesting why a child would feel they had to do that? I have never let my kids think that mistakes are not ok, I make them all the time and I make sure they know it's normal. I see it even with my 12 year old daughters friends, around their parents they are totally different. I cannot figure why a parent would put those expectations like that on their kids. It's sneaky and I don't like it. I also make sure if something comes up I talk to both my child AND the teacher, they are usually not so eager to lie in front of both of us.
Crazyme4878, I get the same looks for disciplining my children. These people act as though their child witnessing the "violence" (or so they see it) of me scolding my child will hurt their child. All children need discipline (it doesn't have to be hitting) but just setting limits.
It's really quite sad. I've always taught my children to take responsibility for their actions, accidental or intentional and to apologize. I had a very good friend who never felt her daughter could do any wrong. Everything was always an "accident" when she pushed, hit, pulled, choked, etc. another child. Yes, I said choked.
Sadly, our friendship ended after her daughter pushed my son in the back because he was beating her in a very small race. He nearly hit his face on the car and his knees were scratched up pretty badly. Her daughter initially denied doing anything at all, crying hysterically and saying he'd tripped on her shoe lace. When I said to her, in front of her mother, my friend, she'd actually pushed him and I'd seen it, her response was "Well, I didn't see it." Well, she never sees it. I advised her I would appreciate it if her daughter apologized. She didn't think she needed to apologize and she would "apologize when she's ready, if she's ready". When I responded that my children would no longer be forced to apologize to her daughter, seeing as I've always been consistent in this regard and my children have never caused injury or been violent, well, I was shocked to see her fly off the handle!
It's very sad it ended our friendship, but potentially even sadder is that her daughter will probably hurt someone badly one day because of her behavior. All children get upset when they get into trouble for their bad behavior. We all love our children dearly, want the best for them, and believe them to be good people, but we must also recognize that our children will lie, misbehave, etc. and be prepared to address that issue. It's a shame she didn't realize there was an issue with her daughter's behavior when she received detention in Kindergarten her first week in school for bullying a child in lunch. Her response? "I think they misinterpreted what happened. I asked _____ and she said something totally different from what the school told me. She's not getting in trouble for that." Wow.
Ha ha...I always hear about the dual personality in reverse. One of my darlings is SOO *wonderful* at school, but very temperamental at home. You know, "Who, my kid?! Was a pleasure?! A natural leader? Are you sure we're talking about the same person?"
Of course there's lots behind kids behavior, but I guess they figure out us adults better than we might give them credit for.
Same with my kids! At school they are well-behaved, charming little darlings. At home, not so much...at all. I always get a kick out of parent/teacher conferences. I think "are you sure you're talking about my child?"
Several years ago we were living in apartment building on the first floor. There was a kid who lived across the way who I would say was 11 or 12 at the time. My husband was sitting in the living room and our cat was on the windowsill straight ahead from where he was sitting. It was a first floor unit so you could see the people on the street.
So this kid and a cousin of his were hanging out outside my windows and says to his cousin "hey look at that cat" picks up a rock and throws it at my window. It hit the screen and scared my cat so my husband who heard and saw this ran outside and said "why did you do that to my cat?" They both ran around the corner so my husband rang their bell and when the mother opened the door he said "I wanted to let you know that your son just purposefully threw a rock at my cat."
The woman went berserk. Screaming at my husband "don't you dare accuse my son. Today is his birthday.". It was so bizarre. She cursed him out and her husband came out and pleaded with her to calm down. She continued cursing at my husband who was calmly saying "his birthday is an excuse to throw a rock at my cat?" this was an otherwise friendly neighbor who would say hello if we saw her but wow.
You see a lot of this on Judge Judy. A person will say "I saw Johnny bang into my car with his bike" and the mother will stand there with attitude saying "I believe my son and he says he didn't do it."
That's not necessarily true. I'm 48 and knew kids when I was growing up who parents seemed to believe that (and my parents had friends who were coddled handed every little thing too - just fewer people had the money to behave like that then - meaning it wasn't their morality it was their finances...) and I know kids (then and now) whose parents actually do parent responsibly and expect their kids to behave accordingly. It's an individual thing - like most anything.
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